How to get over a guy you just can’t get over?

[AmIsingleforlife]

I am stuck in a complete rut over this guy I casually dated for a few months. It was quite intense and we slept together a lot.

He ended up ghosting me in the end, I blocked him for a while… but then recently I unblocked him when I was drunk and feeling lonely, and I messaged him. He replied, was fairly friendly and the way we were messaging seemed as if we were going to meet up again.

Well, how naive am I. Of course he is showing no interest, everytime I’ve suggested a casual drink he’s said no, he asks zero questions…. yet, I can’t stop wanting him?

Writing it out now makes it sounds silly, I get that, but he really hurt me after ghosting me quite out of the blue and it’s like I’m not ready to let go.

I know I don’t want to be with him. I know he treats me like shit. So how the f**k do I forget about him? I am just wasting my life.

Please be kind but also, I am ready for some tough love 🥺

I'd agree with the music recommendation, however that can help.

When you are relaxed, do some visualisations. Imagine yourself with fine rope strands wrapped around your waist and wrists. You know the other ends somehow attach to him. Visualise saying thanks, but you don't need him any more, and cutting the cords calmly with scissors so you see them fall. If you get to a point where emotions run high again, keep visualising when you can for any cords you've missed, and 'cut' them calmly. It takes some time but it can help move things on.

You will but that is impossible to imagine from where you are at the moment.
It's a land over the horizon, but it's there and it's lovely, you can make a life there and, with time, this state of mind you are in now will seem like a strange dream you had.

Take all the advice you're getting and with blind faith, cos that's all you've got at the moment, take one step at the time, and every step you take will reduce the power these feelings have over you and their ability to make you dance to this miserable tune.

So I’ve woken up this morning and feel like I’ve had a light bulb moment in realising what an absolute horrible twat this man is.

I am annoyed though that I was the last one to send the message, that I’ve been left on read, and that I was so nice to him when he treated me like shit.

But, I have to just move on from that don’t I??

Anyone?

You ask how to get over him? This is your answer. Focus on yourself, not on him. Get very interested in why you seek rejection, on why you obsess over casual unrewarding relationships. Do loads of work on yourself, to raise yoru self awareness, and then your self-compassion, and start raising the bar. Start coolly appraising men you date to see if they meet your good standards. Make sure that the basic levels of respect, kindness, manners, warmth, interest, reliability and fairness are all met before you even begin to consider getting even slightly serious about them.

How's it going OP? Have you managed to stay away. Going through a similar situation myself!

Block him, delete his number and any messages he has sent you and any phone calls between you. That way you can’t be tempted to put his number back into your phone - then forget about him.
Life is too short to be wasted on this person who is clearly doing you a favour by showing you exactly how he feels about you

One day you will be dead, you have one life, live it and never ever waste time on a man. I have made some mistakes in my life, we all do but these sort are the worst.

Yes, move on. People saying time probably sound flippant, but it's the answer. Hindsight will give you the perspective you are lacking.

The best way to get over one bloke is to get under another one.

@Sundaycoffee ditto - going through the same thing too. Hope you and @AmIsingleforlife are doing OK?

@AmIsingleforlife how are you now op after all these months. came across your thread as I'm in a similar situation and struggling to move on. Hoping to hear you are truly over him. men can be such shits.