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Original poster

How to tell dh to wash his hands without sounding naggy or patronising

42 replies

FredFrenackerpan · 02/10/2023 11:36

He often doesn't wash his hands when he's been to the toilet and then goes straight downstairs and touches all the things - computer, remote control, kettle, everything. What exact words would you use that don't sound like you're nagging or like you're talking to a child. Apart from the obvious pack your bags...

OP posts:
LubaLuca · 02/10/2023 11:40

"Wash your hands before leaving the bathroom, we're not rationing soap and water." He'll be embarrassed that you've noticed how lazy he's being and won't argue.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 02/10/2023 11:42

I'd go for a straight to the point "wash your hands after using the bathroom because it's grim when you don't and I shouldn't need to ask, it should be second nature".

TheSandgroper · 02/10/2023 11:43

“What do you think you’re doing?” Or stronger.

Followed by “Err, no”. Or stronger.

whattttttodo · 02/10/2023 11:45

I don't touch my vagina then wipe my hands on the utensils

CharlotteFlax · 02/10/2023 11:45

"Wash your hands, you dirty scrote!"

Original poster
FredFrenackerpan · 02/10/2023 11:48

Oh @LubaLuca you haven't met my husband. Contrition is not his thing. Whatever I do say, I'll be at fault.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 02/10/2023 11:49

"nag" is misogynistic.

Tell him: wash your hands.
As often as it takes. If he calls you a nag, tell him you'd rather be that than a manky fucker

user1497207191 · 02/10/2023 11:56

What's wrong with nagging or sounding patronising? He's being vile and gross, and he knows it, so he can't expect anything but you forcibly reminding him, every single time, to stop being such a neanderthal. Why would you have to pussy foot around your OH?

I do it with workmen - I'm not having them touch anything in the house if they can't be arsed to wash their hands. I give them a choice of going back to wash their hands or wear the plastic gloves I have in my hand!

Husbands, sons and workmen all soon learn when they're called out on such disgusting behaviour!

Original poster
FredFrenackerpan · 02/10/2023 12:13

The worst thing is, sometimes he pretends to wash them. He'll flick the tap on for half a second and off again. Yes, he is that ridiculous.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 02/10/2023 12:15

so this is only one point in his all round arseholian behaviour and attitude?

barbarahunter · 02/10/2023 12:26

Somehow I knew when I read the title of your post that he would be horrible in other ways, too. I used to be married to someone like this. He had filthy habits (and presumably still does) but he exploded with rage if I tried to tactfully ask him to wash hands after using the loo/please don't piss on the floor of the bathroom/please wipe and wash so that you don't make skidmarks on our shared sheets.

If your 'D' H is anything like my ex, there's a whole other lot of vile and selfish behaviours that he regularly does, but it's just that you haven't caught him doing it yet. Sucking the open top of the shared toothpaste, anyone? Drinking milk directly from the carton?

Ifulikepinacoladas · 02/10/2023 12:29

FredFrenackerpan · 02/10/2023 12:13

The worst thing is, sometimes he pretends to wash them. He'll flick the tap on for half a second and off again. Yes, he is that ridiculous.

Wow, is he 6?
This can't be his only fault?
As for dealing with it, as PPs have said just tell him not be a dirty f*cker and wash. Also if you have DC tell them not to touch him/ and vice versa if you know he hasn't washed his hands. Just gros.

INeedNewShoes · 02/10/2023 12:31

You're fucking disgusting. Wash your hands (stony glare)...

Is this just the tip of the iceberg of horrid behaviour?

Pugfin · 02/10/2023 12:34

Ew, so gross, I would just keep saying don't be disgusting. I'm not a germaphobe but I couldn't handle the thought of filthy hands all over the house.

Original poster
FredFrenackerpan · 02/10/2023 12:34

There's an extensive list.

OP posts:
INeedNewShoes · 02/10/2023 12:36

So why are you sticking with him?

Original poster
FredFrenackerpan · 02/10/2023 12:37

@INeedNewShoes I'm not, I'm currently planning my way out (or his way out) and don't want his hassle and moaning that I'm nagging him while we get through whatever remaining period of time we're stuck together.

OP posts:
CrapBucket · 02/10/2023 12:40

Unless you are continually getting sick with D&V type of illness, I honestly wouldn’t bother - save your energy for leaving him. Life’s too short, you are ending the relationship anyway (very wise) and you won’t change him in the meantime. Good luck for a happy hygienic future!!

INeedNewShoes · 02/10/2023 12:44

I think I agree with CrapBucket . Realistically nothing you say is going to make him become a hand washer so I'd try to ignore that and focus on your leaving plan.

Jk987 · 02/10/2023 12:46

That was his parents job whilst he was a child. If he doesn't get it now, there's no hope! It shouldn't be your job to tell him.

RedAndWhiteCarnations · 02/10/2023 13:14

FredFrenackerpan · 02/10/2023 12:37

@INeedNewShoes I'm not, I'm currently planning my way out (or his way out) and don't want his hassle and moaning that I'm nagging him while we get through whatever remaining period of time we're stuck together.

Then don’t say anything.
And concentrate on making your way out in a way that works for you.

Londonscallingme · 02/10/2023 13:15

FredFrenackerpan · 02/10/2023 12:13

The worst thing is, sometimes he pretends to wash them. He'll flick the tap on for half a second and off again. Yes, he is that ridiculous.

Genuine question - how do you know he’s not washing them when he turns the tap on???

S910441 · 02/10/2023 13:29

FredFrenackerpan · 02/10/2023 12:13

The worst thing is, sometimes he pretends to wash them. He'll flick the tap on for half a second and off again. Yes, he is that ridiculous.

So he doesn't forget; it's a power thing. He likes the feeling of annoying you, of disrespecting you, of "getting one over on you" and would rather expend his energy on doing that than on being vaguely hygienic. What an arse.

YukoandHiro · 02/10/2023 13:30

FredFrenackerpan · 02/10/2023 11:48

Oh @LubaLuca you haven't met my husband. Contrition is not his thing. Whatever I do say, I'll be at fault.

You have a bigger problem than the hygiene issue then, hey?

Murpe · 02/10/2023 13:37

exH was like this too. I spent years thinking, "at some point he might see I'm not persecuting him in some controlling germ-phobic way, and that this is just normal, basic hygiene", but of course, he never did. It's the anger at being asked stuff like this that is the real problem.