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How to tell dh to wash his hands without sounding naggy or patronising

42 replies

FredFrenackerpan · 02/10/2023 11:36

He often doesn't wash his hands when he's been to the toilet and then goes straight downstairs and touches all the things - computer, remote control, kettle, everything. What exact words would you use that don't sound like you're nagging or like you're talking to a child. Apart from the obvious pack your bags...

OP posts:
FredFrenackerpan · 02/10/2023 13:37

@Londonscallingme because it's on/off in half a second. Also, on the rare occasion he does wash them, he picks up the handwash bottle, squeezes it and leaves a dent........ He picks the fucker up. Who does that?

OP posts:
FredFrenackerpan · 02/10/2023 13:38

Spot on @Murpe sometimes the reaction you get is not worth bringing up the issue for... draining...

OP posts:
Octobermeterreadtime · 02/10/2023 13:39

Soon hopefully your home will be massively germ free..

Londonscallingme · 02/10/2023 13:41

FredFrenackerpan · 02/10/2023 13:37

@Londonscallingme because it's on/off in half a second. Also, on the rare occasion he does wash them, he picks up the handwash bottle, squeezes it and leaves a dent........ He picks the fucker up. Who does that?

Oh dear me 😂(sorry, I shouldn't laugh, but seriously, he sounds like a toddler)

Isheabastard · 02/10/2023 13:52

There was an article years ago about testing the peanuts that were put in bowls on a bar.

They found they were contaminated with all sorts of things including faecal and urine. The also said construction workers were more likely to have cleaner hands than office workers. The dirtier the job the more likely they were to get thoroughly clean when they got home. Women generally wash their hands more than men.

Perhaps casually show him an article like this but not when he’d just been to the loo.

I feel you pain. I’d been asking my husband for a while to put the loo seat down before flushing. I didn’t used to worry until I read that the flush sprays contaminants all over the bathroom. I thought Covid was a good enough reason to remind him. Made no difference.

Like you there was a lot of difficult behaviour and he is now an ex.

He is showing he has no respect for you and as you say his other behaviours say the same. Any thing you say will be called nagging.

Or just buy a can of Dettol disinfectant spray, and spray light fittings, taps, door knobs regularly. I used to do this when anyone, especially kids had a stinky cold.

You could follow him out of the toilet and spray everything he touches if you want confrontation, but I personally wouldn’t.

user1497207191 · 02/10/2023 14:02

I can't understand why people marry this kind of neanderthal. Surely you noticed things like poor hygiene before you married? Did you expect them to miraculously change into a different person?

uncomfortablydumb53 · 02/10/2023 14:09

My Kids were like this aged 7 or 8
Obviously it should be automatic
I think I'd say " Do you have a problem with using soap"

Ponderingwindow · 02/10/2023 14:11

Remind him to sing the abcs while he washes his hands

or buy him one of those soap dispensers with a timer.

being blunt is ok in this situation.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 02/10/2023 14:12

Having seen your update, he's a lost cause and I'm glad you have a plan to leave

peachescariad · 02/10/2023 14:16

I'd go up to him and rub my hands on his face and hair then whisper.....'I'm just doing a you'

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 02/10/2023 14:44

Jk987 · 02/10/2023 12:46

That was his parents job whilst he was a child. If he doesn't get it now, there's no hope! It shouldn't be your job to tell him.

Don't blame his parents, they probably did teach him and he was as stubborn then too! Dear God, he's a fully grown adult now!

uncertainalice · 02/10/2023 14:54

Save your breath - and energy - as everyone is suggesting, and in the meantime wash your own hands frequently so you're not transferring grim germs from household stuff onto you. As a PP says, I think I'd also be looking at a surreptitious (or maybe blatant) hygiene spray for the PC and other stuff, just before you use it.

RantyAnty · 02/10/2023 15:08

I agree it's too late to start saying anything now about it and it's better to focus on getting out. The disinfectant spray each day would work.

Some men really have a you're not the boss of me attitude when a woman asks/tells them to do anything at all, as they see women as beneath them.

If a man he respected told him to wash his hands, he'd do it.

goingtotown · 02/10/2023 15:13

Ask him why he doesn't wash his hands & you know he just turns the tap on.

LightSpeeds · 02/10/2023 15:23

Octobermeterreadtime · 02/10/2023 13:39

Soon hopefully your home will be massively germ free..

And dickhead free!

pantypant · 02/10/2023 18:23

I was speaking to a couple of men today rather jokingly that women are under the impression that most men when their hands when in reality most don't. They rather sheepishly agreed

Walkacrossthesand · 02/10/2023 20:50

Isnt it ironic that women are better at hand washing even though our hand doesn't actually touch the perineum after a wee - the paper makes a 'shield'. Men have to handle their todger, but still walk out of the gents zipping their fly, so it's clear they've been nowhere near the soap 🤮

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