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Original poster

Opinions please on age gap relationship

28 replies

Bertha1924 · 01/10/2023 19:07

i would really appreciate your opinions please as I really don’t know whether to carry on with this very recent relationship. I know I shouldn’t really take any notice of what other people think but I don’t want to come across as a stupid older woman.

We met at the local pub while I was there with a friend and got chatting and swapped numbers. He text me a few days later and it’s gone from there. He’s been divorced for around 7 years and he has had a couple of brief relationships since then. I’ve.been on my own for around 10 years.

We get on extremely well sharing an Interest in music and books and have started a sexual relationship which has been great. He is very gentle and understanding.

BUT he is only 52 approaching 53 and I am 66. People have said in the past that I’m not to bad for my age.

My daughter however thinks it’s strange that I am attracted to someone only 8 years older than her and that bothers me.

Could this relationship work with almost a 14 year age difference ?

OP posts:
henrysugar12 · 01/10/2023 19:18

My partner is 10 years older than me. If I was 13 and he was 23 it would be weird but at 40 and 50 it's fine!

Of course the relationship can work if you're both invested in it. Enjoy yourself!

EnchantedCastle · 01/10/2023 19:32

My DP is 24 years older than me. We didn’t meet till I was middle aged! As long as both parties are full adults in a respectful relationship then I really don’t see what an issue can be that is actually relevant rather than just drama. Enjoy yourselves.

TheMurderousGoose · 01/10/2023 19:37

You're having fun so I'd keep it light for now and see where it goes, without worrying too much about what other people think or trying to peer too much into the future.

Neither of you is wet behind the ears and it's not as though the issue of babies and kids is going to raise its head (your daughter and her misgivings aside) so you can afford to be a bit more devil-may-care.

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CruCru · 01/10/2023 19:38

I think age gap relationships are a problem when the older person says things like “Oh but she’s very mature for her age”. In your case, you are both definitely adults.

My only concern would be if you are at very different stages in your lives. Presumably he is still working (and will be for several years) and you are either retired or starting to think about retirement. Do you have plans for your early retirement? If so, please still do them - don’t put them on hold for a new boyfriend because he is still in work.

TeenLifeMum · 01/10/2023 19:39

Stage of life and outlook are more important imo.

Fahbeep · 01/10/2023 19:42

I don't see the problem. As long as you are both happy, sounds like a healthy relationship.

Nagado · 01/10/2023 19:56

I think a gap of 14 years could potentially be insurmountable if the younger partner was late teens, early twenties. They’d still be having all the big experiences that the older partner had already had. But both of you are at an age where a 14 year gap is neither here nor there.

Maybe ask your daughter whether you can expect your opinion to be taken into account if she ever meets an older man.

Holliegee · 01/10/2023 20:01

Just get on with it, be happy !!
my lovely fella is 26 years older than me and he’s fabulous !!

WallaceinAnderland · 01/10/2023 20:02

Have fun but be wary of getting into anything serious if you have your own house etc. Some people will take advantage if they can and this may be what your dd is concerned about. But if you like his company, go for it.

Crazykefir · 01/10/2023 20:05

No that's fine. Men tend to die younger anyway. If its early days then perhaps limit your discussions with your daughter about this relationship.

GalileoHumpkins · 01/10/2023 20:06

You're both mature, fully grown adults, it's fine. I'm a lot older than my husband, it's never caused us any problems.

FedUpOfItA · 01/10/2023 20:13

See how it goes. I think it's fine.

The only time age gap relationships are inappropriate is when one party is either very young / inexperienced.

sweetiepie33 · 01/10/2023 20:17

My fiancé is 39 and I'm 27! Works amazing we get married in 12 days!!

Justcallmebebes · 01/10/2023 20:27

My best friend, female, is 62 in a relationship with a 46 yr old bloke. They've been going strong now for about 4 years and are very happy. Nobody turns a hair and neither should they in your situation

Enjoy it for what it is and take no notice of what anyone else thinks. Yours isn't even a huge age gap

LakeTiticaca · 01/10/2023 20:36

It's fine. It's nobody else's business.
Enjoy

nutellacrepe · 02/10/2023 07:03

Yes it can definitely work, of course. Me and my DH have a similar age gap.

But it does depend on what both people want. If either of you feel uncomfortable with it then that in itself can have an impact and you need to unpick that and think about why it feels uncomfortable. Talk about it with him. It's about both of your attitudes to it and how it makes you feel.

For some people it's a non-issue, for others it's a deal breaker. It's completely personal to you both. But you don't want to get years down the line and realise you made a big mistake once you are committed.

There are some obvious concerns with 10+ year age gaps which I think people can brush off a bit too quickly. It's very tempting to say 'age is just a number', but with 14 years difference, the reality is that he might be your carer one day, and maybe earlier than would be 'normal'. That's a big deal really! There's also a risk you will go off the sexual side of the relationship before he is ready, and there would be a mismatch.

I wouldn't talk about all these things at a very early stage necessarily, just have fun for now, but as you get more serious, it is worth just bringing these types of concerns out and addressing them/ seeing how you both feel about them.

Beastieboys · 30/10/2023 11:41

My partner and I have been together for over 20 yrs, I was 43 when we met he was 23 neither of us guessed the others age until much later and when we did find out we had a bit of a "oh" moment and then just carried on regardless.
We've had all of the insults going from one of my relatives actually giving him a kids game for Christmas to a good friend of mine saying that if he was her son she wouldn't be happy with him bringing me home!
His family have always been great there's been a few cheeky comments but always to our face and in a bantery way.
My parents and most of the family are fine and my two girls think he's great ,now I have grandkids and he's a brilliant help with them and if they have any problems they go to him for advice.......
If you're happy go for it

Lolalady · 01/11/2023 09:11

My first relationship after DH passed away was with a guy 19 years younger than me. As long as you are both happy with what you want out of your relationship I wouldn’t worry about it. Enjoy it and your friends will be envious!

celebritydiscodave · 01/09/2025 08:53

What are your "real ages", how long a person has been alive can be very hit and miss information.

celebritydiscodave · 01/09/2025 09:00

I am seventy, she is twenty five, and this only works because we are not seduced by each other`s presence, we even holiday together quite happily. The fact that we are worlds apart in terms of maturity makes no difference in our case, but it would be a non starter if it were other than platonic. Neither is the fact that I will grow old and likely die before her a factor. There is only us, she no longer does regular relationships. We both of us prefer this nature of relationship, we both want our freedom intact. Ten years might be as nothing if both partners are equally mature. What folk have in common need not necessarily be a factor, adoption of interests draws couples closer.. Much of what many folk apparently have against wide age gaps can be born of envy, and envy never hits surface in its original form - If I were not totally exceptional for my years we would definitely not be best friends, period. Generally speaking the older partner should likely be complimented for not in greater reality being actually so old. Society will only ever see what it wants to see, at times this may be far from the truth.

chachahide · 01/09/2025 09:06

celebritydiscodave · 01/09/2025 09:00

I am seventy, she is twenty five, and this only works because we are not seduced by each other`s presence, we even holiday together quite happily. The fact that we are worlds apart in terms of maturity makes no difference in our case, but it would be a non starter if it were other than platonic. Neither is the fact that I will grow old and likely die before her a factor. There is only us, she no longer does regular relationships. We both of us prefer this nature of relationship, we both want our freedom intact. Ten years might be as nothing if both partners are equally mature. What folk have in common need not necessarily be a factor, adoption of interests draws couples closer.. Much of what many folk apparently have against wide age gaps can be born of envy, and envy never hits surface in its original form - If I were not totally exceptional for my years we would definitely not be best friends, period. Generally speaking the older partner should likely be complimented for not in greater reality being actually so old. Society will only ever see what it wants to see, at times this may be far from the truth.

Edited

You’re 70 and she’s 25? Are you wealthy by chance?

celebritydiscodave · 01/09/2025 09:08

Not all older partners take freedom, many dish it out.

Zov · 01/09/2025 09:16

Bertha1924 · 01/10/2023 19:07

i would really appreciate your opinions please as I really don’t know whether to carry on with this very recent relationship. I know I shouldn’t really take any notice of what other people think but I don’t want to come across as a stupid older woman.

We met at the local pub while I was there with a friend and got chatting and swapped numbers. He text me a few days later and it’s gone from there. He’s been divorced for around 7 years and he has had a couple of brief relationships since then. I’ve.been on my own for around 10 years.

We get on extremely well sharing an Interest in music and books and have started a sexual relationship which has been great. He is very gentle and understanding.

BUT he is only 52 approaching 53 and I am 66. People have said in the past that I’m not to bad for my age.

My daughter however thinks it’s strange that I am attracted to someone only 8 years older than her and that bothers me.

Could this relationship work with almost a 14 year age difference ?

A 13-14 year age gap is fine at the age you and your partner are at @Bertha1924

All the best to you. Many 60-something women have still got it! 😎

celebritydiscodave · 01/09/2025 10:38

Am I wealthy? - It is a supporting nature of relationship, as she scarcely copes, what with having two children and being on benefits, and I have always preferred a worthwhile supporting role in any relationship rather than merely entertaining it for "fun". We have been best friends since she was seventeen, so back when she even paid me petrol money, back when she was better off, back when she had been living at home. She scarcely copes, it would be cruel not to ever be there for her, but know, only on paper could it be said that I am used. She has expected support from her relationship partners in the past, rightly so, so guys of around her own age, but I do not experience that expectation between the two of us. I have always been cautious not to spoil her, not to put a meaningful friendship in harms way. Does any of this help? - As soon as any support is mentioned the prejudice generally has a field day, and this no matter should the age divide be more every day. It might not be that older partners are too generous it might just be that younger partners are too mean. The social psychology is missing in many of these key areas, the epidemiological studies too. Why, folks prefer to think negatively of wide age division, everything which runs with what they think they already know, this is just fine. One thousand likes for this, but this alone. The good news, well, it never becomes news at all, the exceptions, the bad news, this is all.

shadowsbegone · 01/09/2025 10:43

I say if you’re happy then don’t worry about what anyone else thinks but I know a couple who have a very big age gap it’s an older man the same age as his wife’s dad and he now has ME and her dad had dementia so she is trying to be full time carer to her husband while caring for her dad while she is still Middle aged and although she never complains because she loves her husband, I do see how hard it is for her especially how ultimately she will lose him after years of care.

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