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Original poster

He's being let out of prison

35 replies

Andrepeat26 · 30/09/2023 10:04

Dd ex is being let out of prison next week . He originally got given 9 months for the attack on her. Was meant to do 4 months . But in all he's ended up doing 3 years. With small amounts of time out of prison . 2/3 weeks here and there. He keeps getting sent back. Due to breaking restraining orders, doing stupid things regarding his conditions etc.

He is classed as a heigh risk offender. He plays mind games as well telling professionals he knows where DD is when he does not. That the causes professionals to dance for him. That then has a bad effect on dd because they the become protective she cant leave the house on her own , and has to get cabs everywhere. Alarms/cameras in her house and mine. Last time she had to stay with me for a month until he was caught again.

I know this tome round he's been making threats to professionals as well . I don't know what effect that will have.

Dd has not been able to get on with her life for 3 years . Having professionals involved for a long period of time is not easy. All based on a stupid narc.

I have never wished anyone dead before but....

OP posts:
randomusernam · 30/09/2023 10:14

I'd be wishing the same!! Why are they letting him out again if he's following the same patterns of behaviour as previously? Surely they know it's going to end the same way

BMW6 · 30/09/2023 10:15

No-one could possibly blame you OP. Your poor dd.

Motnight · 30/09/2023 10:21

Sounds absolutely horrendous, Op. So sorry that your DD and you are going through this.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 30/09/2023 10:23

I'd be moving very far away and not tell a soul in case it got back to him.
Sounds like the only way to take back control unfortunately

piglet81 · 30/09/2023 10:25

That sounds awful - I’m so sorry. Do you have anyone helpful involved from victim support/police/social workers? What a grim situation for you and DD Flowers

PinkFootstool · 30/09/2023 10:31

OK, so now is the time to get super practical.

Where is he being released to? Home? Approved premises? On tag? Curfew? With any orders in place? What do the orders require of him? Get Probation and police to give her a full debrief about his release and the assessed risks to her it anyone else.

Has he completed his sentence? Will he be under any Probation monitoring? Extended sentence?

Has your daughter moved since he last saw her? Could he know where she is and identify her through any part of her life - home, work, car, friends houses, pubs, clubs, social media?

Has she locked down her social media? Kicked off anyone who might let him look at her account there? Changed her profile pics and names to something he won't recognise?

Does she have personal alarms still? Are they still in your houses? What kind of home is she in - rented, owned etc? Ring doorbell and additional cameras fitted?

She shouldn't HAVE to do or considered these things, but let's be pragmatic - if he's determined to find her, he can. And he will. So let's make sure she's as safe as can be.

Original poster
Andrepeat26 · 30/09/2023 10:42

PinkFootstool · 30/09/2023 10:31

OK, so now is the time to get super practical.

Where is he being released to? Home? Approved premises? On tag? Curfew? With any orders in place? What do the orders require of him? Get Probation and police to give her a full debrief about his release and the assessed risks to her it anyone else.

Has he completed his sentence? Will he be under any Probation monitoring? Extended sentence?

Has your daughter moved since he last saw her? Could he know where she is and identify her through any part of her life - home, work, car, friends houses, pubs, clubs, social media?

Has she locked down her social media? Kicked off anyone who might let him look at her account there? Changed her profile pics and names to something he won't recognise?

Does she have personal alarms still? Are they still in your houses? What kind of home is she in - rented, owned etc? Ring doorbell and additional cameras fitted?

She shouldn't HAVE to do or considered these things, but let's be pragmatic - if he's determined to find her, he can. And he will. So let's make sure she's as safe as can be.

Thank you for your reply. I have only skimmed it as it feelscalot to take in. But I will reread it. And reokt properly on a bit.

But for now in a nut shell . He does not know where she is
Although he says to professionals he does. He says it for a reaction. Which he gets which then effects DD. Abd he's probably having a little giggle to himself.

Lots of things are in place/being put in place.

Social media wise she does lock it down. But with social media there's boften away it's not as simple as block . And if he contacts her in anyway fake names /profiles etc that will be breaking restraining order

OP posts:
GordonsAlive85 · 30/09/2023 11:00

Has she been referred to MARAC for support?

Original poster
Andrepeat26 · 30/09/2023 11:01

GordonsAlive85 · 30/09/2023 11:00

Has she been referred to MARAC for support?

Yes everything is on place /being put on place

OP posts:
Original poster
Andrepeat26 · 30/09/2023 11:03

randomusernam · 30/09/2023 10:14

I'd be wishing the same!! Why are they letting him out again if he's following the same patterns of behaviour as previously? Surely they know it's going to end the same way

Because he's beeb put away for breaching orders /rules etc. They see it as he's done his time. So he's let out. And repeat

OP posts:
Original poster
Andrepeat26 · 30/09/2023 11:05

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 30/09/2023 10:23

I'd be moving very far away and not tell a soul in case it got back to him.
Sounds like the only way to take back control unfortunately

People often think it's that simple . But it's not.

OP posts:
OneLittleFinger · 30/09/2023 11:58

She should change her name on sm. Maybe set up new accounts linked to new email address and severely limit who she's connected to online.

Patchesofdrizzle · 30/09/2023 12:20

So sorry for you and your daughter - ridiculous that he's allowed to play this game, what a total shit.

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 30/09/2023 12:24

I know she shouldn’t have to - but is emigrating a possibility?

Change of name and change of country. Fresh start where she can stop looking over her shoulder all the time.

(I know this isn’t a possibility for all, for many reasons)

MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 30/09/2023 12:25

Who informed you of the release? What else did they say?

carddino · 30/09/2023 12:28

I am absolutely sure I read this exact thread last week and you were given some good advice.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 30/09/2023 12:29

I agree with @OhBeAFineGuyKissMe - any chance she can emigrate to Australia? He is unlikely to get a visa with his convictions, especially as ongoing harassment of someone is one of the things that would prevent it.

MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 30/09/2023 12:36

carddino · 30/09/2023 12:28

I am absolutely sure I read this exact thread last week and you were given some good advice.

I was thinking it's familiar...

DentalWoes · 30/09/2023 12:37

I've been through this too, in your DD position. About 7 years in he used a PI to stalk me instead of doing it himself so the police couldn't do anything. It's been a few years now and I'm still hypervigilant and can't visit family or friends. I miss my town and everything I knew, I'm not sure I'll ever feel safe or 'move on' fully as PTSD has lingering physical and cognitive effects. He's still in my nightmares but I've not had any interaction from him or other agencies for a few years. (It is so hard having agencies in your life all the time, it's possibly one of the worst bits aside from the isolating social impact).

I do try to make the best of my life, although it's not what I expected. I've been able to parent, renovate a home, and enjoy my pets and garden, and got a first-class degree whilst recovering. I don't know if that offers any hope. I'm glad she has you, I found it very challenging without family support (most of them died during the 7 years of hell). I wish you both feelings of safety and comfort.

Original poster
Andrepeat26 · 30/09/2023 12:48

carddino · 30/09/2023 12:28

I am absolutely sure I read this exact thread last week and you were given some good advice.

I have not posted about this for several months

OP posts:
silkiechicks · 30/09/2023 12:51

If you have been referred to a marac then there should be support to help you but also you can get support by improving security for your self and your property if it has not been discussed with your support agency.

Original poster
Andrepeat26 · 30/09/2023 12:51

silkiechicks · 30/09/2023 12:51

If you have been referred to a marac then there should be support to help you but also you can get support by improving security for your self and your property if it has not been discussed with your support agency.

That's all been done

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 30/09/2023 12:58

He sounds very vindictive and clever. He is using the agencies to terrorise your dd as he can't access her.

silkiechicks · 30/09/2023 12:59

That's good also just make sure you have a spare bag ready for if something happens and take every important document you might need or keep it some where safe for if you just need to leave the property.

Original poster
Andrepeat26 · 30/09/2023 12:59

Just wanted to add. Professionals are involved including , marac, social services etc. Everything has beeen put in place. Or in the process of it.

I'm not looking for solutions at things are in place as much as they can be.

This thread is more of a ffs gets we go again.

And couple of people said there was a very similar thread last week. I have not posted about this situation for several months last time was he was last realised several months ago. And got arrested again and back to prison.

OP posts:
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