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Original poster

If you are in a happy relationship, how often do you 'squabble'?

65 replies

RememberWhy · 30/09/2023 09:09

My DP and I are in a happy relationship. Only the other day he told me 'We have a really good life, don't we?' Which got us to chat about how we have a happy relationship, good friends, good jobs, we get on with family, etc. So we agree we are happy, very happy, and very lucky.

However every now and again we 'squabble' - I get annoyed he doesn't put stuff in the dishwasher (he leaves it in the sink 'I would have put it in the dishwasher later'), and he gets annoyed when, after a few minutes, I tune out when he drones on and on about stuff I have little interest in (mainly football).

But these are not major things - we are still loving to each other the rest of the time, laugh with each other (quite a lot), and help each other with stuff.

So I wanted to ask whether this is the norm - I guess so. Nobody has the 'perfect' relationship where you never get annoyed with each other, right? I certainly didn't with EXH. Sometimes here on MN you read of people who say they adore their partner, they are their best friend, etc, and it sounds like it's all sweetness and light. But does that exist?

OP posts:

Pamcakey · 30/09/2023 12:07

We bicker all the time but it’s good natured.
We have a proper row maybe 2 or 3 times a year which can get a bit shouty, usually when I’m struggling with MH. We tend to discuss it calmly and sort it out once we’ve cooled off though.

vlo · 30/09/2023 12:08

Squabble every day! I think it makes a difference that we’re both currently working from home and around each other a lot.

MrsLeBon2 · 30/09/2023 12:15

We squabble all the time! I love him dearly but my god he does some annoying things! It’s all pretty trivial, and I’m very very non confrontational with other people and HATE conflict but somehow I can’t/don’t have to let things lie with him! We only do it because we know we really love each other and aren’t just going to split up over a disagreement about washing up or something, and we ‘make up’ pretty instantly.

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MrsSkylerWhite · 30/09/2023 12:16

Rarely and it’s usually good humoured.

Disturbia81 · 30/09/2023 12:17

Never squabbled, just a few big arguments every now and then. I hate bickering and used to hate hearing friends or family do it with their partners, just felt like an awful way to live day to day. I wouldn't be around someone I wouldn't get on with.

SallyWD · 30/09/2023 12:21

We're very happy but bicker a lot. Sometimes it's fine - just funny "banter" but other times it gets me down, I have to say.

Original poster

RememberWhy · 30/09/2023 15:27

As a PP said: sometimes it burns to be the first to make the first 'reconciliatory move' but it's important someone does make it so you can move past that argument or squabble. In the past I would never do that - I'd bear a grudge for days. Now I'm learning to not let him always make the first move - because I care about him and about our relationship.

I must say that with my EXH however, in the end I didn't care enough to bite my tongue at all. But this time I want to learn to put the little things aside in the interest of a long, happy relationship with my DP.

(He just came downstairs, stark naked from the shower, and started jiggling his willy at me with a silly grin on his face - silly but it made me laugh!).

OP posts:

toadasoda · 30/09/2023 15:40

Oh @DustyLee123 That sounds exactly like me. We used to be two peas in a pod and now we mostly ignore each other. I'm just not sure if I like him at all, he's not a bad person but I just don't like being around him and it depresses me thinking about the future. Dh is always chatting about holidays we could have when the kids grow up or wanting us to spend time together and I nod along or go on a date night and silently wish I was anywhere else. We used to socialise as a couple all the time but now i just wish he would go away so I could enjoy my night. He is so oblivious to the 1000 things he does that piss me off, so if I raise anything I'm being petty. If we talk about our relationship he says I'm moody and sulky (yes) but there are good reasons for this. It's like he cannot connect the dots.

BertieBotts · 30/09/2023 15:42

I think it's personality style. DH and I can bicker quite a lot but we soon get over it and make each other laugh. If there is a serious issue that we need to discuss then we can normally discuss that without it being an argument. Sometimes it would start off as an argument and then one of us would go wait - we need to talk about this but let's not do it now.

I think as long as it's even and overall the relationship is positive, and it doesn't feel oppressive, then it's all good.

CountessKathleen · 30/09/2023 15:45

I quite enjoy a good row. We were hissing murderously at each other one day in a tile shop when our mild-mannered architect appeared from behind a display stand looking as if someone had told him Santa didn’t exist.

addictedtotheflats · 30/09/2023 15:57

Most days, but not shouting, we very rarely shout at each other. We bicker a lot, but it usually ends up being banter

Mumtime2 · 30/09/2023 19:35

Usually, once a month, he says he 'gets in the shit' with me.
I'm peri, so I feel for the guy sometimes.
We are slowly learning to talk, and I am trying to calm it into a talk
Yelling is stressful and puts.me in fight mode, causing days of unneeded upset.
Learning, honesty, and keeping it real is important for me.
Love my man I want to communicate better for us is a bug goal.
We live in our own separate houses it works for us both

Coffeedrinker7 · 30/09/2023 19:49

Genuinely never! But then we’ve only been together for 9 years, married for 3. It’s second time round for both of us and we don’t have kids together, I think that helps. In my first marriage a lot of arguments seemed to revolve around the kids, especially competitive tiredness in the early stages, and division of household chores.

I think we both suffered a lot in our respective divorces and so we are both genuinely nice to each other all the time, give each other the benefit of the doubt and don’t sweat the small stuff.

My first marriage was NOT like this! At first I worried it was a honeymoon stage, but it seems to have lasted!

BeyondMyWits · 30/09/2023 20:21

We don't bicker, but just bumble along amiably. We are both fairly easy going, have a lot of fun together and get through the hardships side by side. Been married 24 years and have always been the same.

Whatsinthefridge · 30/09/2023 21:02

Inkpotlover
I have a colleague who ended up divorcing her husband while she was in full throttle peri. Last year they remarried!

Full Throttle Peri. Shouldn’t laugh but made my day 🤣

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