Child hurt at nursery but another child. Really annoyed.

[Anothernamechangeee]

As my title says. Child came home today with a big mark on her face, another child hit her in the face with a toy car hard enough to draw blood.

She’s 3 and very gentle, she isn’t a hitter / biter herself and never has been so it’s hard to explain that this child is still learning to be kind when she doesn’t really understand as she doesn’t get like that. I’m really annoyed. Not at the nursery, because I know they can’t watch for everything all the time, but at this little kid.

DD has never really wanted to hang out with him because he’s always pushed / hit etc and I’ve met his mum at parties who says that he plays rough. But now I’m annoyed. Would you be?

Annoyed at a little kid?
No I wouldn’t be annoyed at the kid.
They’re a little kid.

My initial reaction would probably to be angry she had been hurt, but logically I know that three year olds are tiny and still learning about the world.

If you have concerns about nursery not supervising properly then absolutely raise them. Staying angry at a preschooler is pointless though.

No, they’re only tiny children. It’s not a life changing injury.

Be annoyed internally that your daughter got hurt but you can't really be annoyed at a 3 year old for hitting. Some/many ARE still learning. If his mom doesn't even try to correct him at that age though, that would annoy me. You've got to at least help them learn it's wrong to hit.

It happens OP, I know it’s not nice but they’re kids at the end of the day and don’t understand at that age. It can happen in the blink of an eye too so not nursery fault

I'd be more inclined to be annoyed at the nursery than the child. Things can happen but if this child is struggling then he needs closer supervision.

Annoyed at a tiny child?

Give your head a wobble.

Things like this happen in the blink of an eye, you can't blame the nursery.

I can understand why you are annoyed at him. I would have been too (even though he may not have a proper understanding of what he has done). I’m glad you aren’t annoyed at the nursery though, these things can and do happen in the blink of an eye. Turn it around and be pleased that your daughter is calm.

In the moment, yeah, really fucked off with that horrible little kid!

But, then realise he's obviously just a little child who hasn't learnt self control yet and you can't be annoyed with him.

One of my DC was bitten once, really hard, by a child who was about 18 months old and I hated that baby in the moment....it's a gut reaction to someone hurting your child, but you obviously know that's unreasonable!

If you’d asked me this two years ago I would have felt just like you Op. My daughter is like yours - calm, gentle, would never lash out, watches kids that do with quite a perplexed expression. But then my son came along! He is a completely different character and has given us such a different perspective! He pushes, shoves, hits, throws things. He also gives the best cuddles ever, runs over in excitement when he sees someone he knows, squeals in delight when he’s excited. My point is, he’s enthusiastic about EVERYTHING and is impulsive so of course he lashes out, because he does whatever he feels in the moment. Obviously we are teaching him right from wrong but you can’t be annoyed while he’s learning. And as much as my poor daughter is on the receiving end of it, it’s also good for her; she is learning to be assertive, that everyone is different, that we need to be patient while people learn etc. I am very careful though to ensure that she sees me telling him what he’s doing is wrong.

Thank you, this is what I needed to hear. Ie it’s ok to feel annoyed at someone hurting your child but at the end of the day, they are still a small child themselves and lacking impulse control etc

This child is not tiny!

DS used to get in trouble all the time for hitting / being careless around one girl and I didn’t get it because he was always so gentle and careful at home and was incredibly articulate. Then one day one of the key workers caught her calling him names and him lashing out (preschool isn’t supervised so this took a long time). The key worker asked more questions and the girl made racist comments and both DH and I and the girl’s parents were invited in so they could tell us how they had sorted it out.

At this age hitting / biting etc isn’t clear cut. The boy is clearly reacting to something about your DD - she might be trying to take the car, might be calling him names, or he might just not like how she looks. Unless the nursery supervise them you’ll never know - so ask for that.

@Anothernamechangeee of course he's tiny, he's 3 🙄 children st that age are still learning.

@Anothernamechangeee

This child is not tiny

Presumably this is another child at nursery - so age 2-4. That is a little tiny child child.

You are an adult. Angry with a child.

What a load of sanctimonious bollocks. Yes obviously I'd be annoyed with a child who marked my child's face with a car.

Annoyed at a little kid?
No I wouldn’t be annoyed at the kid.
They’re a little kid.

This. Wait til you have a kid who pushes and hits... I guarantee it feels worse to be the parent of a hitter than the one who is hit!

As a parent yes of course you will be angry, your child who you love has been hurt.

It also sounds like you understand these things do happen. I work in a nursery and can say most kids even the gentle ones will have pushed, not shared, had a tantrum, left others out etc. Maybe just not as big and bold an incident but still as hurtful, they are little and still learning how to behave, the social boundaries, how to play fairly and share, communicate etc. This takes lots and lots of practise, adult guidance, the understanding of feelings of not just yourself but others around you and empathy kicking in!

I understand children are little. it’s all part of the socialisation-process so I wouldnt outwardly react. I have had parents apologise to me after their child hit mine and I’m calm and nice and try to be as supportive as I keen (especially when I see they care). But of course it hurts to see your child being subjected to unpredictable or unnecessary violence. And no, the child doing it might not be violent.. it’s sometimes just over-excitement or whatever : but quite often the child on the receiving end might receive it that way.

One of mine got a nasty bite at the same age. I accepted it had been dealt with and that the nursery would make sure it didn't happen again. I put it down to one of those things that happen occasionally at nursery. If it had happened again I would have had an awful lot to say about it, believe me. I totally get why you are upset OP. Someone hurt your precious baby. At most I would ask nursery what plans they have in place to make sure it doesn't happen again.

My niece got bitten at her nursery on 4 separate occasions by the same kid between 18 months and 3. My sister moved her because the nursery knew he was a biter but didn't watch him close enough. This boy bit other dc too and another DC got bitten on a few occasions and she moved too. My sister was annoyed at nursery staff for not supervising the biter enough.

🤣indeed

So you've made this post to wait for 1 person to agree with you instead of listening to the dozens of others who have given a balanced view. All children are different - don't get on a high horse because your child is 'calm'. Goodness knows what goes on between toddlers but they know more than they seem. Kids don't just bite or hit for no reason. As PP said sometimes the child who is eventually hit is also highly unreasonable or hurtful - just not physically. All parents need to keep their eyes wide open about their children's behaviour- silent, verbal or physical. Sorry your DD got a nasty mark. It's never nice to see.

How can the nursery 'make sure it doesn't happen again'? YABU. Toddlers are nutters. Physical or not.