Child hurt at nursery but another child. Really annoyed.

[Anothernamechangeee]

As my title says. Child came home today with a big mark on her face, another child hit her in the face with a toy car hard enough to draw blood.

She’s 3 and very gentle, she isn’t a hitter / biter herself and never has been so it’s hard to explain that this child is still learning to be kind when she doesn’t really understand as she doesn’t get like that. I’m really annoyed. Not at the nursery, because I know they can’t watch for everything all the time, but at this little kid.

DD has never really wanted to hang out with him because he’s always pushed / hit etc and I’ve met his mum at parties who says that he plays rough. But now I’m annoyed. Would you be?

It must be annoying especially when you have a gentle child who has never been a hitter/biter, but the reality is that this description does not fit a lot of small children who are, well... normal small children. And nurseries exist for all children, not just the gentle ones, so they can learn and socialise together. And it's a process for all the children... they're not necessary going to play nicely from day 1 all the time. As part of that, unfortunately it's inevitable that some children will sustain some damage along the way and the best you can really hope for is that the nursery staff are on the ball about intervening and helping the "offenders" to learn from their behaviour going forward.

Errrrr no…. I posted upthread to thank all the other posters and to say it’s what I needed to hear, that I can feel upset on behalf of my child but understand that toddlers are small children with no impulse control. You can see all OPs posts in a thread easily

Kids don't just bite or hit for no reason.

but this bit is just horseshit. I have seen several children at soft play / out / friends kids etc hit or bite for no reason. Wanting a toy that another child has doesn’t give them an excuse to hit another child

If they know a child has a problem, they need to make the effort to supervise that child more closely. Not a guarantee but they can try. A second bite and my child would have been out of that centre. They aren't there to get hurt. I understand it's a child thing at that age but if my child is the victim, I need to protect them.

That's life. They're learning right from wrong.

My child knows they are not allowed to hit or move babies so chose to shout in a baby's face and make him cry at soft play.
Oh the shame. I honestly thought I'd covered the be nice to babies angle, but clearly not. Toddlers are not always civilised

My colleague came into work a while back absolutely furious because a child had hurt her gentle, kind daughter at nursery. She was angry at the nursery, angry at the other child and angry at their terrible parents.She made a big fuss with the nursery and wanted to confront the parents (luckily she didn’t). 3 months later she sheepishly told me her daughter was going through a biting phase and had got into trouble at nursery for biting other children.

So many of them do this kind of thing. Just keep your fingers crossed that yours doesn’t.

Oh give over, I’d be annoyed too! I’d think the kid was a horrible little thug. (Little thug cause he’s a little kid😉). Mine have never been to nursery, but mine nor my friends children’s have never bite other kids at 3! It has never happen but I know perfectly well I would be annoyed at anyone who hurt my children. Be honest with yourselves. A 1yo I could be more understanding with, but 3? Terrible, well past the excusable stage. Sorry this happened OP.
I’d be asking the nursery what they’re doing to keep your child safe. Your child was assaulted by another child they know to be violent. What measures are they planning to put into place to keep your child safe? They have a safeguarding duty to protect your DD from this.

I’d also tell mine to keep away from him because he isn’t very nice, that’s not what friends do etc.
Not any bull about him learning like you suggested in your OP.

Biting and hitting (although very unpleasant) is a common phase lots of children go through. One of mine was very bad for hitting and my other totally placid and calm. It doesn’t make that child horrible or mean, it’s just luck that your child is more of a calm personality. I understand you feeling upset that she got hurt though, it’s not pleasant for her.

My DS went through an awful phase of hair pulling, hitting , pushing he was 2, then his speech came on and it all stopped. Never at home just in nursery. He's now 3 and is extremely gentle.

He's been pushed , hit with toys and bit in childcare. Genuinely I've never been annoyed at the other child , maybe because I understand how awful it is on the other side.

OP, one day it will be your child hitting or upsetting another child.

A poster above asked how nurseries can prevent biting…my child was bitten on two separate occasions during the same week by the same child. The first incident was seen as a one off by both me and the staff but after the second time, they put an extra member of staff in that nursery room to keep an eye on that child whilst they were going through their biting phase and kept them separate from my child. No more bites.

The first time my DD was bitten at nursery I was horrified! She had a mark on her lovely face and she was obviously a pfb so had never been hurt before. It felt horrible.

But that was nothing to how horrible it felt a while later when she became a hitter. She struggles with impulse control and sometimes there can be seemingly no trigger except that she's feeling overwhelmed for whatever reason and she hits another child. She knows it's wrong, she always feels bad for doing it, but it still happens. Nursery are very supportive. They say she's delightful and a lovely, kind, caring child 95% of the time, and she's only little and still learning. But that doesn't stop the feeling of dread at pick up time when they ask for a word, and the shame of all the other parents knowing.

It's absolutely horrible being the parent of a child who has hurt another child. I can assure you that the parents of the child who hurt your DD feel worse about it than you do, and the thought that you and other people are thinking badly of their child will be consuming them.

Just to update, I spoke to the nursery this morn who told me more about what happened, the steps they take to make sure it doesn’t etc.

Then I bumped in to the boy’s dad on the way out who couldn’t have been nicer and was apologetic, said they’re having a rough patch with his behaviour and he feels awful. I told him it was ok and understood this happens etc.

thanks for the advice, I feel much better now and very glad I didn’t verbalise my annoyance to anyone!!