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Original poster

Do your children use cutlery correctly?

79 replies

bravoyankee · 28/09/2023 15:52

My children are 9 and 7 and still use their cutlery in the wrong hands. They are rubbish at cutting food and my dd stabs food with her fork facing the wrong way.
I've told them a thousand times and they still don't do it right.
We were at a family meal with my 2 and 2 x 10 year olds at the weekend and all 4 of them held their cutlery in the wrong hands.
They both have school dinners every day so they use cutlery at least twice a day and still haven't got the hang of it.
Any suggestions?
I'm sure I was reminded daily at school to swap my hands over when eating school dinners. Do they not do that these days?

OP posts:
DivingForLove · 29/09/2023 08:49

@griegwithhimandhim I’m left handed and use my cutlery the “right” way round! 😄

As for this being a school problem - I can just imagine the Daily Mail sad face photos from parents outraged that we were telling kids how to use their cutlery properly 😂. We’re not even allowed to object when they bring in 20 chocolate bars for lunch so I can’t see that going down well 😬.

Wolvesart · 29/09/2023 08:50

familyissues12345 · 29/09/2023 07:51

Ive used mine the wrong way round forever, no idea why I started that was but it's now a habit. I can eat with cutlery in the correct hands, but usually end up swapping with out even realising. I'm tidy about it though, still eat neatly and don't hold the cutlery awkwardly.

DS1 holds his cutlery normally.

DS2 is another matter, but he has suspected dyspraxia (awaiting assessment). I've never seen someone cut food up like he does, but he holds all things weirdly - can't unlock doors confidently etc. Its like his brain is wired differently

This is a bit like our family. I’m ambidextrous. I definitely feel that left and right are concepts I have to remind myself of. There are some good positives, catching balls - I’m the fielder you want in rounders or cricket 😂

Regarding cutlery, I use them conventionally because DH lays the table that way. If he swapped them, I might not notice. Our DS is dyspraxic and uses his knife and fork the left handed way. Literally, the only reasons I notice this are because I see him switch them as he sits down to eat and sometimes people remark on it. He is not left handed, the DH is but uses his knife and fork conventionally. Chopsticks - despite my dexterity, a dominant right hand comes into play, DS the same, DH uses them left handed.

The DS’s actual cutlery skills developed slowly. Although, I’m relieved to hear of so many 7-9 yr olds on here whose skills with knife and fork are not perfected yet. Our DS got there, mostly just through getting on with it and growing up. He’s not brilliant with jar opening or handwriting, but an excellent typist.

OnAir · 29/09/2023 08:51

My step kids eat like fucking animals at zoo. It infuriates me no matter what me or dh say they insist they eat like it at home. I'm starting to believe they do. Would I fuck ever take them for a meal anywhere. I believe they are just left to their own devices at home and we are confronted with well at least they are eating something by their mother whenever we try and address this issue. It's an endless battle.

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Marblessolveeverything · 29/09/2023 08:59

Nope most of the time they use a fork. And honestly I don't care. They are polite and eat with their mouth closed etc. Life is too short. Nobody has yet to pass out in their company

AgnesX · 29/09/2023 09:05

MagpiePi · 29/09/2023 08:43

Holding a knife like a pen is awful. Don’t know why, but it gives me the ick.

With regard to the cutting thing, are they using knives that will actually cut the food? Those ‘kiddie’ knives have no edge and all you can do is tear food apart.

There do seem to be a lot more adults around who can’t use cutlery properly. You see it a lot on American programs and films.

Likewise. I hate seeing adults use their utensils like that in public (yes, you are judged in good restaurants) and don't even start me on the subject of plate scraping 😬

ohdamnitjanet · 29/09/2023 09:07

CassieRole · 28/09/2023 15:54

Holding a knife like a pen would enrage me more

Oh God yes.

AlwaysPrettyOnTheInside · 29/09/2023 09:08

FelicityFlops · 29/09/2023 08:10

Of course they do, but we started them early and we always eat 99.99% of meals at the dining-room table. We also tried not to make a fuss about it, started them off on appropriately-sized knives, forks and spoons, as well as giving them encouragement and praise.
It didn't happen overnight, but by the time they were 3 - 4 they were competent.
It is, of course, my personal opinion, but I think that early encouragment of good manners and good table manners are vital and much easier to pick up and instil if started as early as possible.

Exactly, so many people let their children carry on like animals 'because they are children' then wonder why they can't behave appropriately when they are a bit older.

Oldthyme · 29/09/2023 09:17

Monkeybutt1 · 28/09/2023 16:41

I eat left handed which I assume is what you mean by eating with the wrong hands! Seriously why is this an issue, its what feels comfortable for me, my son is also the same although we are both right handed.
As long as table manners are used as well as cutlery why does anyone care what hand holds what bit of cutlery. 😡

This!
My partner is right handed but used cutlery left handed. I just lay the table accordingly.

So long as children are trained to use cutlery with fork and knife handle into the respective palm(s) of their hand, it doesn’t matter.

I find it tortuous (tongue in cheek) to see grown adults holding cutlery like a pen but does it really matter that much?

I was intrigued (more than anything) to see someone licking their knife throughout a roast meal recently. Each to his own!

Keep up the good work Mama.

Minikievs · 29/09/2023 09:44

I had one that used the wrong way (eldest) and one that used the right way (youngest)
As they get older, they both now use wrong way round
Drives me bonkers when they "rip" their food as they can't cut it properly with the knife in the wrong hand.
I'm forever telling them.
Still use them wrong way round

Dontcallmescarface · 29/09/2023 10:04

I hold my cutlery like a pen and DD hold hers in the "wrong" hands. Not sure why anyone would care about it tbh.

Tdcp · 29/09/2023 10:26

I'm 37 and I use cutlery ' the wrong way around'. What difference does that make? It's not 1940. They're also very young, motor skills come with time and they will get the hang of it. Being this frustrated and angry about your kids holding their fork backwards or not being able to cut something is too much.

TheFeistyFeminist · 29/09/2023 10:44

My left handed teenager struggles with this despite me always having modelled the traditionally correct way and guiding her.

It's not the hill I choose to die on.

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 29/09/2023 11:00

Holding a knife like a pen is awful. Don’t know why, but it gives me the ick.

A friend has always held her knife that way. I've tried it a couple of times, when I've been at home, to try to work out why she does it. I've found it's much less efficient, and not very comfortable for any length of time. So I don't know why people do it.

There's usually a reason why the 'correct' ways of doing things have evolved as they have.

amusedbush · 29/09/2023 11:02

I'm right handed but hold my cutlery in the "wrong" hands. My mum has also mentioned that watching me cut up food is like watching early man discovering tools Blush (in my defence, I was diagnosed with dyspraxia as an adult!)

A few years ago, I went out for a family dinner and my brother and I sat side-by-side, opposite our parents, and my mum immediately pointed out that we both hold our cutlery in the wrong hands. Nobody had noticed before then because we'd never sat side-by-side to eat when we were growing up.

I don't care and it doesn't cause me any shame. I'm too busy fighting my horrendous proprioception, which causes an inability to locate any food on my plate, or even find my own mouth with a fork, unless I'm staring at my dinner.

Sirzy · 29/09/2023 11:03

Caring cutlery/junior caring cutlery is useful for helping learn the right grips

jenpil · 29/09/2023 11:27

CassieRole · 28/09/2023 15:54

Holding a knife like a pen would enrage me more

Quite! Yet so many adults do this!

HKLP drives me mad.

In fact anyone holding cutlery wrong. Makes me cringe so much......

jenpil · 29/09/2023 11:32

Dontcallmescarface · 29/09/2023 10:04

I hold my cutlery like a pen and DD hold hers in the "wrong" hands. Not sure why anyone would care about it tbh.

Because it's looks awful and uncouth, and uneducated.

Sorry, but it does.

Table manners are still held in high esteem.

flexigirl · 29/09/2023 11:36

Nope my Sony doesn't use knives. Has been taught to from when he was little obviously . He is now 17 years old. It hasn't done him any harm admittedly but still grates on me haha

ReeseWitherfork · 29/09/2023 11:37

This thread has made me chuckle. I feel confident I don’t hold my cutlery “correctly” because I’m not sure what that even looks like. Food goes in mouth so I’m certainly using cutlery “successfully”. But I was taught not to bog at other people in public so I can’t say I notice what other diners are doing in restaurants. Surely that’s worse etiquette?

willowstar · 29/09/2023 11:38

Still an issue and mine are 13 and 11 and I have been banging on about it since they started eating with implements. It drives me mad. My daughter just swaps her fork to her right hand and plonks her elbow on the table. 12 years of asking her each and every time to remove her elbow has made no difference. Few of her friends eat properly either. It infuriates me.

However ... this is at home. They are absolutely capable of doing it when we are out or around at other people's homes with us so at least I know there is hope.

Marblessolveeverything · 29/09/2023 11:40

@jenpil nope, I disagree. I spend a significant time with some of the so call most educated people internationally - they give not one teeny tiny care as they actually realise it has nothing - absolutely nothing to do with intellect.

As for uncouth - yep we are no longer in the 1950s - please stop making judgements on others choices and behaviours. I really hope the younger generation bury these absolutely nonsense hang ups.

willowstar · 29/09/2023 11:41

Since we are on the subject...it also annoys me when you go to restaurants and they set the knife and fork down together. My husband does this too when he sets the table but my son has been well trained to put the fork on the left and knife on the right. He still doesn't use them properly mind.

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 29/09/2023 11:41

Nope my Sony doesn't use knives.

How does he manage meat? Or anything that's too big to go in his mouth in one piece?

superninny101 · 29/09/2023 11:45

I don't like eating wtih adults with bad table habits so have worked hard to make sure my children know how to eat properly, that they know how to use multiple place settings etc. It is hard work but I think it will pay off for them when they are grown up.

Shopper727 · 29/09/2023 11:50

I’m left handed and use fork in left hand no idea if that’s wrong or not. I’m just firm with mine, my youngest is still getting to grips with cutting stuff he’s got hypermobiility in his hands so finds it uncomfortable and difficult. However as long as they are eating fairly nicely without their heads in their plates (massive bugbear) I don’t mind. They try and we don’t mess with food or eat with fingers when out. The wrong hands for cutlery would be least of my worries as I probably don’t use the correct hands 🙄

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