Is anyone awake? Need a handhold.

[Scaredmuch]

I am scared about my mental health. I have a history of scary health issues and currently waiting tests for some horrible things like brain tumours/serious diseases. I will get results in 2 weeks but don't know how I can get through until the n. My beloved DD has also just left for uni and I miss her so much I am crying all the time. I am scaring myself with how bad I'm feeling. I can't eat. I can't sleep and I can't stop crying.

Im here OP.

Have you been to see a GP about medication for your mental health? I had a mental breakdown about two years ago and finally went onto medication and it has helped me immensely.

For now, tonight, have you got a show you can put on, a game on your phone like solitaire or something to play and go make a hot tea.

Hand hold. Any other distractions? Music? A film? Podcast?

I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad. It's hard when you're so frightened and nights are the worst times. I remember how difficult I found it when my DD left for uni, you do get used to it but the first term is the worst. Once Christmas is over, the second term goes quite quickly and then she will be home again. Having health struggles and waiting for results makes things even worse. Sending you a hug Xxx

I can't go on ADs as they might affect one of my health conditions.

I have tried to read but can't concentrate. I don't want to get up as DD is here visiting and I don't want to wake her. I have to drive her 4 hours back to uni tomorrow and I don't know how I will be able to cope with saying goodbye to her again. I miss her so much.

I need to sleep so I can drive tomorrow but am getting myself in a panic and spiralling. I don't know how to stop.

You reached out, which is a sign of strength. Sending you a hug, OP.

Put something on your phone to watch OP. Reading will be too hard as your mind will wander.
don't worry about the hours of sleep for the drive, that's for tomorrow. For right now you need to distract yourself.

I'm sorry to hear this. Everything has come at once for you. Try to see the things separately - your DD is at uni, but she's only ever a phone call away and you will adjust to her not being at home all the time. The two weeks will pass whatever you do, whether you think about it and worry or whether you try to do other things. Saying 'try not to worry' is unrealistic - allow yourself to worry but try to eat however hard it is. Don't try to sleep if you can't - sleep will come eventually.

Sending you a hug. I have had breast cancer and best not to take anti depressants but find anti histamine can help me sleep and swimming helps me too. Distraction is good whilst waiting.

I know it's not true but it just feels like I will always feel like this and there's no escape. Why does loving people have to be so painful? I'm worried that if I die my DD's life will be ruined and full of pain as we have such a close relationship.

Watch something on YouTube, will distract

Can you put some quiet music on your phone? If you're lying down you will be resting your body which will help.

Sending hugs ok. Its always darkest in the night. You WILL adjust to your daughter going, eventually. You can pull in tomorrow if you get tired on the way home. You WILL be ok, and the fact that you have medical professionals looking into this is a good thing. This is the awful bit, waiting and worrying.

as PP have suggested, could you put on headphones and watch something?

I am watching some silly reels on Instagram. Mostly cats doing crazy things.

Ruminating on problems is not going to solve them, try and sleep or think of something else.

If I could then I would.

Have you tried CBT or any talking therapies. It made me see that worrying was pointless. I practice mindfulness too. Try some deep breathing with the calm app 🙌❤️

Funny cat videos on insta is a great thing to do OP.

I know. Its awful, I had a medical test and spent the night panicking. Tbh it was actually awful, as it turns out pointless, should have cancelled. Listen to yourself.

You could also look for funny vines on YouTube, or bloopers from your fave show. The parks and recreation bloopers make me laugh so much, as do the office bloopers (American because I loved that version)

We all die eventually and whenever this happens it will be tragic for your daughter, however far into the future it may be. But it will not ruin her life, she will, somehow, get through it. No one knows how long their life will be, all we can do is make the most of the time we have with our loved ones, which, as you have a close and loving relationship with your DD, is exactly what you have been doing and will continue to do.

Tbf it did ruin my life and I have not recovered. I have never been the same.

I don't live in mumsnet ideal world, where everyone has millions of friends or supportive people.

I find reading with a show on in the background better distraction than just doing one or the other. Could you take something like valium? They're in a different drug family to antidepressants. Could you ask for a referral to see a psychiatrist? They're the specialists when it comes to treating mental illness and there are more options than just antidepressants to treat depression. It's really tough that you can't take antidepressants, they've helped me and DD so much. It feels really unfair, I've got the same issue with medication but for my chronic pain. There's nothing I can take and it feels so unfair to not only be suffering but then not to be able to take anything to help with that. I'm sorry you're going through so much right now.

I have tried CBT but it didn't help much. The therapist basically tried to convince me I didn't have cancer and then it turned out I did. So I'm kind of glad it didn't work as I wouldn't have continued to pester the doctors if it had, and wouldn't have been diagnosed until it was too late.

Cats definitely help. Just need to concentrate on mundane things and not the meaning of life!