Thank you x
She died very unexpectedly. She wasn't ill.. she was having tests for a serious but not lethal condition. She was having tests for parkinsons which again seemed to not raise any concerns. I was getting increasingly worried as she went from fit and healthy to an old lady during covid. She was in her seventies. It would have been her birthday last week.. it went unmentioned by anyone.
When she finally saw a gp they suspected parkisons. I was trying to set up POA for her on my own but I have dyslexia and multiple kids with ASD so it was really hard going. Mum was supposed to have a DAT scan but didn't know why or what is was for. I was worried as to me she was showing mental decline ( would you happily have a radioactive Brian scan without being curious as what they was looking for?) She was getting hospital letters but confused about them. I told my sibling but was getting "she's absolutely fine" as a reply. Sibling hadn't seen mum in years. I wanted to talk to mums gp or the hospital to get the facts so I could explain to mum and sibling this was serious and if it was Parkinsons, needed to face that future. But mum was also diagnosed with hydrocephalus. So again that can result in dementia. Mum.wanted to refuse the lumber puncture test, I wanted her to know what would happen if I was left untreated.
I was trying to gather all that info, look after my kids, do the POA forms with dyslexia. I was so stressed I went to a mental health crisis hub one night and told no one I knew I had been. Everyone could see how stressed out I was.
Anyway I was preoccupied with that so didn't call mum that week. The week after when I felt I had more headspace I called her. Couldn't get hold of her. Tried again two days later. Still no answer.
Called the police for a welfare check and basically suspect she been dead for a week..I found out when I drove 80 miles to her house to see the door had been kicked in and no sign of mum.
Was told at time date of death was the day I found her. No one seemed concerned that all evidence pointed to her being dead for a while. I saw signs that didn't drop dead instantly. Not talked about to anyone.
Told that week there would be autopsy. Then told there was no obvious cause of death found, and it was going to toxicology.
Then this week after four months it was valve wear and eventual heart failure but it was just wear and tear and would have taken a long time. But Dr. Google says you get breathless and swelling over time. My mum never complained of heart symptoms. She was at the hospital weekly for the past few months. Her heart was never mentioned. Dr Google seems to suggest you don't drop dead of a heart attack from this. She didn't have a heart attack. So why / how did she die? It was blood reflux that gradually caused heart failure. I asked if she would died instantly. Coroner couldn't say. I feel strongly my mum was on the floor dieing for at least hours if not days. I think all signs point to getting dizzy or fainted then unable to get up.
No one seems to be interested in that. We all get old and die so why does it matter if she died alone in pain on the floor for a long time? It matters to me. I'm the weird outlier on that.
Dh still has both parents. I don't think you understand fully until its you. He didn't come to the ashes behind scattered. He had to work. I feel sometimes I didn't need him there. The less he supports me, the less I need him. I need him to talk about mums death after 4 months not politely pretend she never existed. It feels very much like she never existed most of the time now. It's only been 4 months.