Been waiting four months for my mums inquest results

[WorriedAboutMum2023]

And no one has even asked if I have heard back. Dh never asks. Well I heard back this week.

I said to dh tonight that we never talk and he started off saying how busy he is at work. Well he watch Rugby tonight while I ate alone. He has booked us to go to a exhibition based on his trade tomorrow so he can get a extra goodie bag for me. I told him stop before he gave me a million excuses why we don't talk.

Four months of waiting for a result but no one to talk to about it. Everyone is too busy with work etc. If it was him mum I'd find the time. Never felt so lonely. I'm surrounded by people but no one to really talk too. I have friends who are great. I just want dh to be that someone.

If it was important to him he find time to sit and talk to me. I think he has checked out of our marriage in general. This seems to have confirmed it to me

Got home and got upset. So I'm the bad guy now. I think if I was told I had breast cancer there would be a valid reason he wouldn't comfort me anyway.

You are definitely not the bad guy. I'm struggling to understand what on earth is wrong with him to behave like this.

Ime a death really brings home what your marriage is made of. When my precious dgm died my dh asked me if he would get reimbursed with the fuel costs from him taking me to the hospital many time before she died. And when was I asking my aunt (her dd) about it..
Exh now.

Twat.
So sorry about your dm. I hope you got answers and some closure op.

I'm so sorry for your loss Op and that your DH is so unkind and useless to you at such a bad time.

It sounds like you also need to confront him with what you're finding most upsetting around communication. It's so easy to become polarised and stop listening to each other. This may well be teaching you to suck eggs, but the biggest tip I ever learnt was to say "when you do xyz, it makes me feel xyz". I'm hoping (for you) that it's because he's just clueless, rather than not caring at all. Maybe he's worried of saying/doing the wrong thing and he needs to learn how to support you, and I guess you need to decide whether you want to hang around to teach him or not. To give him (a massive) benefit of the doubt - him saying about meal planning might be his way of trying to create space for you to have some time together? I think it seems obvious to most women, but some men just find it hard to talk about emotions and prefer to look for practical solutions. Only you know though, whether this is a battle worth fighting or to walk away.

Im so sorry OP it sounds very traumatic.
Perhaps your GP can help explain death certificate/ coroners report to you and also support you if you are feeling low?
Its not your fault your DM died, the guilt of wondering if she was suffering is natural theres always so many what ifs when someone dies, you sound like a kind caring daughter who is caring for DC with SEN and thats a lot to juggle.
Do you think your DH has autism too? If your DC are autistic its likely there is a genetic link.
If he autistic he may not be good at expressing and recognising emotions ( although many autistic people are empathic and kind)
It does sound like this is the tip if the iceberg and generally he is not emotionally supportive- has he always been like this?
I hope your friends can support you