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Original poster

How to help this family

70 replies

Notaboutme1 · 23/09/2023 10:26

This is not about me so I may not be able to answer some stuff.

So Dd has a friend she has a partner they have 2 children who are 3 years old and 6 months old.

The house is in a really bad state. Food all over the floor broken plates. Dirty stuff piled everywhere. Food rubbed onto the sofas. They don't parent the 3 year old at all. My dd was at their place and the 3 year old Is just doing what she wants throwing food rubbing on walls etc. But her mum just ignored her.

I think possibly they are finding it hard to cope and have given up. Baby is only 6 months. Mum could have postnatal depression. Or other mental health stuff going on. I personally don't believe someone would choose to live this way unless they had something mental health wise going on.

They all stayed over Dd place last night.this morning dd could hear noise. She was listening for a bit . Baby started crying dd is expecting mum/dad to get up for baby . The crying changed and the 3 year old had taken baby out of moses basket and dropped her on the floor. The parents slept though it all. The 3 year also pulled food out of dd fridge and ruined it.

I think social services are about in the form of early help. Her partner told Dd they have not judged them but want them to get the house sorted. So I'm guessing that's their friendly kick up the butt.

So dd is going to drop her kids to me in a while and they are all going to friends house to sort it out best they can.

Me and dd are thinking of things they can put in place to make it easier. As I said the child is 3 years old. Me and dd are thinking they need to get child locks for all the cupboards , doors and fridge freezer, and tall baby gates for the doors . They said she can kick the preasure ones off the frame. We then suggested screw in type. They said they have metal door frames? So can't screw them in. I have never heard of mental door frames? Also suggested plastic plates cups. Even for adults if need be.

Are cupboards/drawer lockd strong enough to keep 3 year olds out of cupboards etc ?

So dd can help them sort the house out . Make it a clean slate put things like locks etc in place. So maybe it does not feel so hopeless. But cleaning the house is not going to maje them parent is it ?

Any suggestions /ideas would be great.

I think the 3 year old is being assessed as some special needs.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notaboutme1 · 23/09/2023 16:48

Ahhhhhbisto · 23/09/2023 16:20

Awful to say as it is coming from a good place but your DD is not helping by cleaning for them. This needs reporting asap. You have the children with you now...how are they?

I have my grandson. Not the friends children.
Dd has basically said she can't do anything. It's to bad.

OP posts:
Lolasgame · 23/09/2023 16:49

@Notaboutme1

I’m wondering if the mum is on the same body clock as the dad ? You mentioned he works nights, maybe she feels lonely and a bit of a single mother, as he works all night and sleeps during the day. Maybe she stays awake to speak on the phone whilst he’s on his shift, then she’s obviously too exhausted to deal with her little ones during the day. Throw in bad mental health issues and you see a situation like this.

Not surprised toddler is hard to handle in nursery if she’s getting no parental guidance at home.

MariaVT65 · 23/09/2023 17:33

I would call social services and the NSPCC asap. Regardless of any excuse, not getting up/waking up to tend to a 6 month old baby and 3 year old is disgusting and they shouldn’t have children in their care.

Interested in this thread?

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3 year olds 3-6 months old 6-9 months old Babies & sleep
Original poster
Notaboutme1 · 23/09/2023 20:05

I thought bany wad 6 months I was wrong she's 8 weeks
.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notaboutme1 · 23/09/2023 20:09

Lolasgame · 23/09/2023 16:49

@Notaboutme1

I’m wondering if the mum is on the same body clock as the dad ? You mentioned he works nights, maybe she feels lonely and a bit of a single mother, as he works all night and sleeps during the day. Maybe she stays awake to speak on the phone whilst he’s on his shift, then she’s obviously too exhausted to deal with her little ones during the day. Throw in bad mental health issues and you see a situation like this.

Not surprised toddler is hard to handle in nursery if she’s getting no parental guidance at home.

I'll not sure about the routine timing etc. It's Just a massive fuck up

OP posts:
Notts90 · 23/09/2023 20:19

The fact the baby is only 8 weeks old and has been dropped by their toddler sibling is incredibly dangerous.

You need to report it to the emergency SS, if out of hours they'll be an emergency duty SW I assume?

Sorry but this goes beyond a little help cleaning, even if the parents do have issues, the children have to be top priority.

I'd get it done, and quickly going off the content of your posts.

AlwaysGinPlease · 23/09/2023 20:29

Phone SS obviously

NeverAloneNeverAgain · 23/09/2023 20:33

Firstly if baby has been dropped - how high? On to what surface? Has anyone thought to get baby checked over?

I don't think your DD helping to tidy up is covering for them, they clearly need support and SS will look at their network to help them do this. It also needs to be reported ASAP though. Cleaning up and saying nothing is not helping vs cleaning up and also telling them you're concerned so will be speaking to SS would be more beneficial for them. Concerns can be reported anonymous if you or your DD do not feel comfortable with telling parents you're doing this or wanting them to know it came from you.

bemorebernard · 24/09/2023 18:39

Your dd does not know Jack sorry to say - I had my brother live with me
And my kids for a year and only when he left did I find drug paraphernalia.

This is ridiculous. The parents are NEGLECTING their children . Step up and do something. Report this to ss . Your dd is enabling them . That's not helping those children in any way .

Original poster
Notaboutme1 · 24/09/2023 18:51

bemorebernard · 24/09/2023 18:39

Your dd does not know Jack sorry to say - I had my brother live with me
And my kids for a year and only when he left did I find drug paraphernalia.

This is ridiculous. The parents are NEGLECTING their children . Step up and do something. Report this to ss . Your dd is enabling them . That's not helping those children in any way .

She has reported now.

OP posts:
anareen · 24/09/2023 19:12

I believe being made aware of this is grounds for you to be able to make a report as well.

serene12 · 24/09/2023 20:09

I work in child protection and this sounds like neglect. It’s good that the issues have been reported to social services, so they can investigate. Social services work with other professionals that will or have been involved with the family I.e. health visitor, nursery, GP, the Police etc.
Social services and other agencies will try and work with the family to improve the children’s well-being.

saltnsaucey · 24/09/2023 20:15

Sounds awful. Most people would have phoned ss by now, so I am moved by your desire to help, but sometimes you just have to step away, and realise that you can’t. Do they have family nearby you could contact?

Original poster
Notaboutme1 · 24/09/2023 20:21

serene12 · 24/09/2023 20:09

I work in child protection and this sounds like neglect. It’s good that the issues have been reported to social services, so they can investigate. Social services work with other professionals that will or have been involved with the family I.e. health visitor, nursery, GP, the Police etc.
Social services and other agencies will try and work with the family to improve the children’s well-being.

I was thinking this to. I made a mistake about the baby in my op. Baby is only 8 weeks old the heath visitor would probably have seen baby at home. I think there's mental health stuff going on to . Just hope it all gets sorted and children are OK

OP posts:
Neverseenthatmuchjunkinthetrunkbefore · 24/09/2023 20:39

anareen · 23/09/2023 14:13

@Notaboutme1

It means someone who isn't looking beyond their own point of view pretty much.

You have good intentions but were struggling to acknowledge the severity of the issue at hand as many have been trying to get across 🙂 Everyone only wants what is best for these babies as you have come here for advice and made it known! I am glad you can possibly be a lifeline for these children 💜

Exactly this. You want to do this good thing, but this is waaaaaay more serious. These children need to be removed until some sort of assessment has been completed. I hear what you are saying about drugs, but something is stopping the two of them from hearing a young baby cry and then scream when dropped.

it sounds like the 3 yo has never been parented or socialised. A 3 yo attempting to hold/carry a baby is very problematic, especially when she drops her. This sort of scenario is an IMMEDIATE referral to SS or NSPCC.
You and your daughter are way out of your depth, pass it to those trained to do it.

in noticing this situation, your daughter will hopefully change these children’s lives and hopefully get these parents some help.

Original poster
Notaboutme1 · 24/09/2023 20:57

Neverseenthatmuchjunkinthetrunkbefore · 24/09/2023 20:39

Exactly this. You want to do this good thing, but this is waaaaaay more serious. These children need to be removed until some sort of assessment has been completed. I hear what you are saying about drugs, but something is stopping the two of them from hearing a young baby cry and then scream when dropped.

it sounds like the 3 yo has never been parented or socialised. A 3 yo attempting to hold/carry a baby is very problematic, especially when she drops her. This sort of scenario is an IMMEDIATE referral to SS or NSPCC.
You and your daughter are way out of your depth, pass it to those trained to do it.

in noticing this situation, your daughter will hopefully change these children’s lives and hopefully get these parents some help.

Edited
Show quote history

It's been reported. But due to confidentiality its unlikely I will know much more .

OP posts:
Lolasgame · 24/09/2023 22:24

Sounds like the parents still need parenting.

cestlavielife · 25/09/2023 19:08

Are you related to them?
You cannot fix this, not with a cleaning etc

Report to ss

Original poster
Notaboutme1 · 25/09/2023 19:19

cestlavielife · 25/09/2023 19:08

Are you related to them?
You cannot fix this, not with a cleaning etc

Report to ss

Check my update. Social services have been told.

OP posts:
toadasoda · 25/09/2023 21:54

I just want to say well done OP to you and your daughter for doing the right thing, it's a horrible situation and so many people would just stay out of it, but you guys did the 'good citizen' thing of taking responsibility for safeguarding these two vulnerable children. 👏

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