PLEASE help. Niece going into foster care?

jswnp · 2023-09-19T14:10:10+00:00

Child in question is almost 2. Grown up with her mother and see child regularly, not genetically related but family-like relationship. Friend assaulted police officers, smashed up four pubs and then smashed up her own house. Child got a black eye. It was a 13 year old who was babysitting and he called his parents who called the police. Niece then went to stay with her dad upon advice from the LA and police. Her dad has applied to the court for permanent residency. The hearing is later this week. However, I know him to be violent, a big drinker and a request user of cocaine. He has been abusive towards my friend. What do I do? Friend has gone off grid. I would of course have niece if I was allowed, I'm extremely concerned about her going to her father. LA and police do not know about this.

ApolloandDaphne · 19/09/2023 15:18

You can call the LA and ask to speak to the SW to pass on your concerns. Or you can pass on concerns via the NSPCC.

jackstini · 19/09/2023 15:24

You report him to social services

As you are not blood relative you would have to go through official process of becoming a registered foster carer in order to have her I think

How long has your friend been off-grid now?

drunkpeacock · 19/09/2023 15:26

So she's not going into foster care then? She's with her dad.
But yes as PP said, report everything you know with actual facts and dates not just hearsay. Then leave social services to monitor the situation.
It's an incredibly sad situation but it does sound like she needs to be away from her mum. Is the mum getting help do you know?

BertieBotts · 19/09/2023 15:27

Look up the local social services number and ask to speak to the duty social worker, then you can pass on your concerns about dad.

thetrainatplatform4 · 19/09/2023 15:31

However, I know him to be violent, a big drinker and a request user of cocaine. He has been abusive towards my friend.

But do you know him to be violent towards his own child though?? It's the mother who has given her 2 year old a black eye!

purplecorkheart · 19/09/2023 15:38

You should contact social services and be factual about this little girls husband. Tell them your concerns. Do you know if your friend reported the Violence to any agency. Social services will monitor the situation
As you are not a family member you would probably need to go through the fostering process which could take time. This little girl needs care now and her mother is not suitable. Sadly her Dad might be the best option.

Snoken · 19/09/2023 16:00

It’s not your niece, it’s your friends child. The rules can be different if you were actually the child’s aunt so best not to confuse the situation further.

your friend is incredibly abusive and if it’s true that the child’s father is also abusive the best thing for the child would be to be removed from both of them. That is up to the ss to decide, but feel free to report the dad so they can investigate.

Since you are unrelated to the child you would gave to go through the same process as any other foster carer does. It will take about 10-18 months for you to become a foster carer, and in that time the child will probably have settled somewhere else so you wouldn’t be the first choice anyway. It would also probably be beneficial for the child to stay with someone who doesn’t have a relationship with her abusive parents. .

comedownwithme · 19/09/2023 16:04

She is not your niece and she is not going into foster care.

You will get a whole lot more help by sticking to facts.

If you have concerns, report them.

Be aware though if this is a vendetta against him on your friends behalf, the only person to suffer will be the poor child.

mewkins · 19/09/2023 16:07

I would also contact children's services for the relevant local authority with your concerns and also asking whether you could talk to them about becoming a kinship carer or family and friends /connected persons carer. It does involve an assessment (for you and any over 18 in your house) but it is different from mainstream fostering and usually the process is quicker - it certainly was in the LA I worked in.

I suspect what will cloud this is whether there is any actual evidence that the child's dad is unfit to have parental responsibility of her.

pontipinemum · 19/09/2023 16:23

The poor child. I would contact child services and make them fully aware of the situation

Lwrenagain · 19/09/2023 16:30

Is there a possibility of a special guardianship order? (SGO)
It might be worth calling the local authority and voicing your concerns.

The other option is fostering however it's a long winded process, but I believe you'd get more support from being a foster carer.

My friends DC call me aunty lwren and they stay over/visit me (the older ones drive now to see me and I've minded them since baby's!) But I'm not a blood relative but that made little difference to the LA when they've needed someone who has a rapport with the child and can offer a safe and loving home when their parents have been struggling, so I'd not worry about being discounted.

Whilst they do prefer a birth family relative to have the child in their care, often there is years of chaos and adversity running deep within these families, so please do not think you'd not be considered, it's always about what's best for the child.
(I have a wee bit of experience with this!)

I'm truly sorry about your pal and her lass, hoping everything works out for them 💐

Callywals · 19/09/2023 16:30

My son (I later adopted him) went into foster care aged 18 months. His birth mother was an alcoholic who did not look after him and put him in danger. His birth father, who she'd split from, was also an alcoholic and was extremely violent with it. None of the birth mother's family wanted to take him in as they were worried about the connection with his birth father. My son then went into foster care. The foster family were absolutely fantastic and gave my son his first taste of normal family life. We then adopted him two years later. Both birth parents objected to the adoption but neither of them or any relatives bothered turning up at the family court hearing. Going into foster care is not necessarily a bad thing and could be exactly what your "niece" needs.

wesleycheese · 19/09/2023 16:41

this is really unclear with who is who

NynaeveSedaiOfTheYellowAjah · 19/09/2023 16:43

They will be assessing the father. However if they don't have the information you have they cannot make a full assessment. Please contact social services and share the information.

NynaeveSedaiOfTheYellowAjah · 19/09/2023 16:45

Just to add also that it's dad who has applied to court not the local authority so there is currently no reason to think social services will be looking for an alternate carer above the father. Even if the dad is risky in some ways that still doesn't mean there would be threshold for the LA to seek to remove her from her dad.

MyHornCanPierceTheSky · 19/09/2023 16:50

Friend assaulted police officers, smashed up four pubs and then smashed up her own house. Child got a black eye. It was a 13 year old who was babysitting and he called his parents who called the police.
Poor child qnd 13 yo. Why were they babysitting and at what point were police called? 2 yo and 13yo must have been terrified.

Original poster

jswnp · 19/09/2023 17:03

thetrainatplatform4 · 19/09/2023 15:31

However, I know him to be violent, a big drinker and a request user of cocaine. He has been abusive towards my friend.

But do you know him to be violent towards his own child though?? It's the mother who has given her 2 year old a black eye!

No I don't know him to be violent to the child, which is why I'm unsure on what to do.

I have witnessed him pushing friend out of a door about 1m off the ground with my niece in her arms.

OP posts:

Original poster

jswnp · 19/09/2023 17:04

Snoken · 19/09/2023 16:00

It’s not your niece, it’s your friends child. The rules can be different if you were actually the child’s aunt so best not to confuse the situation further.

your friend is incredibly abusive and if it’s true that the child’s father is also abusive the best thing for the child would be to be removed from both of them. That is up to the ss to decide, but feel free to report the dad so they can investigate.

Since you are unrelated to the child you would gave to go through the same process as any other foster carer does. It will take about 10-18 months for you to become a foster carer, and in that time the child will probably have settled somewhere else so you wouldn’t be the first choice anyway. It would also probably be beneficial for the child to stay with someone who doesn’t have a relationship with her abusive parents. .

Thank you for your response, however what you have said is factually untrue.

OP posts:

NynaeveSedaiOfTheYellowAjah · 19/09/2023 17:05

jswnp · 19/09/2023 17:03

No I don't know him to be violent to the child, which is why I'm unsure on what to do.

I have witnessed him pushing friend out of a door about 1m off the ground with my niece in her arms.

Show quote history

What do you mean you don't know what to do?
this poor child has experienced trauma in her mum's care and you have information about risk her father also poses but haven't told anyone. Please contact social services and tell them.

Original poster

jswnp · 19/09/2023 17:06

comedownwithme · 19/09/2023 16:04

She is not your niece and she is not going into foster care.

You will get a whole lot more help by sticking to facts.

If you have concerns, report them.

Be aware though if this is a vendetta against him on your friends behalf, the only person to suffer will be the poor child.

I wouldn't use such terms when communicating with agencies, the courts etc.

This is absolutely not a vendetta on my friend's behalf, my sole focus and concern in this situation is with the child.

OP posts:

Original poster

jswnp · 19/09/2023 17:09

What do you mean you don't know what to do?
this poor child has experienced trauma in her mum's care and you have information about risk her father also poses but haven't told anyone. Please contact social services and tell them.

I don't know whether to contact social services, the LA, the courts etc.

I also don't know if I'm in a position to directly mention a kinship order.

I have now received advice that has clarified this.

OP posts:

Original poster

jswnp · 19/09/2023 17:10

MyHornCanPierceTheSky · 19/09/2023 16:50

Friend assaulted police officers, smashed up four pubs and then smashed up her own house. Child got a black eye. It was a 13 year old who was babysitting and he called his parents who called the police.
Poor child qnd 13 yo. Why were they babysitting and at what point were police called? 2 yo and 13yo must have been terrified.

I don't know. My friend lied to me about the whole situation and I didn't know any of this until I read the court documents she had forwarded me and read dad's statement.

When I relayed the accusations to my friend she did not deny them.

OP posts:

MyHornCanPierceTheSky · 19/09/2023 17:16

jswnp · 19/09/2023 17:10

I don't know. My friend lied to me about the whole situation and I didn't know any of this until I read the court documents she had forwarded me and read dad's statement.

When I relayed the accusations to my friend she did not deny them.

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So what did she initially say happened, am assuming denied all her violence and portrayed herself as the injured party?

bellac11 · 19/09/2023 17:28

jswnp · 19/09/2023 17:10

I don't know. My friend lied to me about the whole situation and I didn't know any of this until I read the court documents she had forwarded me and read dad's statement.

When I relayed the accusations to my friend she did not deny them.

Show quote history

You shouldnt be reading court documents, they are confidential to the court and parties only, she shouldnt be disclosing them to you

Why do you refer to the child as your niece?

NynaeveSedaiOfTheYellowAjah · 19/09/2023 17:30

jswnp · 19/09/2023 17:09

What do you mean you don't know what to do?
this poor child has experienced trauma in her mum's care and you have information about risk her father also poses but haven't told anyone. Please contact social services and tell them.

I don't know whether to contact social services, the LA, the courts etc.

I also don't know if I'm in a position to directly mention a kinship order.

I have now received advice that has clarified this.

Contact social services. You can let them know you'd want to be assessed if she ever couldn't be cared for by either parent. But you can't apply for any kind of order. It's private proceedings, social services will be asked by the court to assess dad but that's it at this stage.