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Original poster

PLEASE help. Niece going into foster care?

55 replies

jswnp · 19/09/2023 15:10

Child in question is almost 2. Grown up with her mother and see child regularly, not genetically related but family-like relationship.

Friend assaulted police officers, smashed up four pubs and then smashed up her own house. Child got a black eye. It was a 13 year old who was babysitting and he called his parents who called the police.

Niece then went to stay with her dad upon advice from the LA and police.

Her dad has applied to the court for permanent residency. The hearing is later this week.

However, I know him to be violent, a big drinker and a request user of cocaine. He has been abusive towards my friend.

What do I do?

Friend has gone off grid.

I would of course have niece if I was allowed, I'm extremely concerned about her going to her father.

LA and police do not know about this.

OP posts:
NynaeveSedaiOfTheYellowAjah · 19/09/2023 17:31

Has your friend told the social worker about his abuse and drug use?

Bobbybobbins · 19/09/2023 17:43

I would report your concerns to SS. Then I would seriously reconsider your friendship going forwards.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 19/09/2023 17:51

Definitely report to SS. If you want to be considered as a home for the child, you might identify yourself as "fictive kin". This is a category for people who have close relationships with the family buy no genetic or relationship through marriage. Like you.

MoonShinesBright · 19/09/2023 17:56

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
jswnp · 19/09/2023 17:56

Why do you refer to the child as your niece?

Because her mother and I were raised as sisters. Biologically we aren't.

OP posts:
Original poster
jswnp · 19/09/2023 17:58

So what did she initially say happened, am assuming denied all her violence and portrayed herself as the injured party?

That she was spiked and "kicked off". That was the extent of it. Her ex has made malicious/false claims in the past so I believed her. There was no mention of any injury.

OP posts:
bellac11 · 19/09/2023 18:04

So she is a step sister rather than a friend?

There will be a parenting assessment in respect of both parents and out of that the decision will be about whether either parent can care for her.

At the same time there should be an exploration of friends and family as the back up plan should neither of them be able to care for her

At age 2, if she cant be safely cared for by parents, or be within the family/significant others, then she would need to be considered for adoption

But lots of things need assessing before decisions are made about where she should live.

Also many many parents are assessed to care for their children despite having an addiction, it depends on what that means for the child and what protections are in place around that.

MyHornCanPierceTheSky · 19/09/2023 18:05

@jswnp any remorse/horror at herself for giving her 2yo a black eye?

WeeOrcadian · 19/09/2023 18:13

Your OP is confusing

Either way - speak to SS

Nobody on here can advise you as we don't know the real situation

WhisperingHi · 19/09/2023 18:27

Poor child. What a shit show.

Yes, report the dad if he has a violent history.

No, don't expect that the "niece" will be placed with you. It doesn't sound like it would be in the child's best interests. Do you really think your friend will respect the boundaries, only visit when allowed etc?

She clearly has massive issues.

Certainlyreally · 19/09/2023 18:33

jswnp · 19/09/2023 17:04

Thank you for your response, however what you have said is factually untrue.

Show quote history

Which part is factually untrue?

GoryBory · 19/09/2023 18:51

Friend assaulted police officers, smashed up four pubs and then smashed up her own house. Child got a black eye. It was a 13 year old who was babysitting and he called his parents who called the police.

It is always better to stay with a parent and I can’t see the dad being any worse than the mum who gave her own child a black eye!

I’m sure as the child has come from an abusive home there will be a lot of social services involvement anyway but if you are concerned then just let them know you witnessed him pushing your friend.

But as she’s violent anyway, he can just say he acted in self defence.

easilydistracted1 · 19/09/2023 19:08

-Contact children's services and tell them about your concerns about the dad. These are safeguarding issues I don't know why other people are minimising them.
-Also tell children's services you would like to be assessed as a kinship carer/ connected person. You don't have to be a biological relative you need a connection to the child.
-Also get your friend to tell her solicitor that you want to be assessed as a carer or ask for the solicitors details so you can inform them. But obviously with your friends agreement.
-You should be considered in the court proceedings if your friend is putting you forward but other closer relatives may be prioritised.
-Sometimes children are placed with a kinship carer in an emergency but not always
It depends on thr initial assessment and the care plan.
-Contact the family rights group for more information.
-There isn't any point contacting the court as you aren't someone who is part of the court proceedings but your friend is and so are children's services.
-The LA is just another phrase for children's which most people still call social services.
-They will want to make sure you can protect from your friend/ emotional sister as well as Dad
-Take care of yourself it's tough
Good luck

easilydistracted1 · 19/09/2023 19:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Certainlyreally · 19/09/2023 19:17

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Just an FYI in case this gets quoted again(and people get confused), I didnt mention anything, I simply asked the question

ThreeLocusts · 19/09/2023 19:18

OP just to say it's good of you to want to help and I'm not sure why you're getting so much condescension here.

Yes do report concerns about the dad via ss. I hope there's a good outcome.

YoBeaches · 19/09/2023 19:26

When you say not biologically related to the mother, could you be legally related? Was one of you adopted or was it more of an in family arrangement?

If you are legally related then you may have more grounds.

easilydistracted1 · 19/09/2023 19:30

Sorry about that. That's why I couldn't find your name in the original post. Let me correct it. Which will make this quote wrong but still best to correct when I'm mistaken.

AncientSpinningWheel · 19/09/2023 19:35

That was a hell of a rampage. Would the child's mother not attempt to contact the child through you if you looked after her? It could lead to a messy situation in the future.

GoryBory · 19/09/2023 19:59

ThreeLocusts · 19/09/2023 19:18

OP just to say it's good of you to want to help and I'm not sure why you're getting so much condescension here.

Yes do report concerns about the dad via ss. I hope there's a good outcome.

That’s probably because it sounds like OP is sticking up for the abusive friend and wanting to take a child away from its dad because he pushed the (violent) mother one time.

It also comes across as though the only reason she’s doing it is so her friend can still have access to her DD.

I’m not saying those things are definitely true but it is how it comes across.

If SS had any concerns about him they wouldn’t have asked him to be the residential parent.

The child is usually better off with a parent than someone not related to them but if OP has genuine concerns then it is right to raise them with SS and they’ll keep a closer eye on him.

MyHornCanPierceTheSky · 19/09/2023 20:17

Agree with @GoryBory @jswnp would you break off contact with your friend and refuse to let her see the dd?

Original poster
jswnp · 19/09/2023 20:24

MyHornCanPierceTheSky · 19/09/2023 20:17

Agree with @GoryBory @jswnp would you break off contact with your friend and refuse to let her see the dd?

Yes I absolutely would.

OP posts:
Original poster
jswnp · 19/09/2023 20:24

I'm not blind to the fact that's what I would have to do.

OP posts:
ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 19/09/2023 20:27

thetrainatplatform4 · 19/09/2023 15:31

However, I know him to be violent, a big drinker and a request user of cocaine. He has been abusive towards my friend.

But do you know him to be violent towards his own child though?? It's the mother who has given her 2 year old a black eye!

This to be honest. And have you got genuine proof he is a big drinker, a cocaine user and abusive to anyone? Because if you're going purely on your friends word, I would not be taking anything from their mouth as gospel. I'd also reconsider your friendship, I wouldn't be keeping anyone who could give their own child, nevermind a 2 year old, a black eye on my list of friends.

BingoandBlueyForever · 19/09/2023 20:29

Pushing his child (in her mother’s arms) off a one metre drop is being violent towards the child.