What to do when the best of life is over

[AfterMum]

Posted in bereavement but little traffic there and I'm desperate.

It was mum's funeral last week. I feel worse as each day goes by. I get up, eat a small breakfast and then go back to bed until the afternoon. I just get through the day until I can take a sleeping pill and go back to bed. I have no motivation. I just feel so desperately sad.

The best of life is over for me. I can't see a way forward. My GP just gives me pills and says time will help. I won't get through time.

Oh OP I'm so sorry for your loss.

Do you think bereavement counselling would help? People are very well trained to help you through times like these.

Do you have any other family who you could talk to, chat about your lovely Mum and share memories?

Please reach out, if your GP is not helping then if you can afford to do so find a local counsellor, talking really does help.

Please hang in there xx

Your GP is right OP. Time is the answer. I lost my own DM when I was in my 20s. DM was 52 and I felt much as you do. It does get better, I promise you. That's the good news. The bad news is that it is not a quick process. I reckon it took me 2 years or so.

I still think of DM every day, but it no longer hurts and I have a life to live again.

Just take it one day at a time. That's all you can do.

I really feel for you. This early weeks of bereavement are so unbearable. When I lost my Dad, the only thing that kept me going was knowing how unhappy he would be to see me cry. He loved me so much and the pain was so deep I thought it would never end.

You never get over bereavement, you just find ways to live with it. Please seek help. I would suggest Samaritans 116 123. They will let you talk about your Dad, how you feel and may point you to further help.

Oh OP, I'm so incredibly sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. Tell us about her and your relationship if you feel you would like to xxxx

Op, losing your mum is, at the moment, a deep, fresh wound and it hurts like one.

But wounds do heal. I promise. They leave a scar, but they no longer hurt as ferociously and restrict you so badly. Our scars tell us of the richness of our lives.

It can take a long time to reach this stage and right now it's probably just a question of letting time roll by, day by day, hour by hour. You can help a little by trying to keep to a routine, not drinking too much, getting some fresh air every day (I know that sounds trite but you need these things to start to heal).

Plod on, even though you may be howling.

Sending you my best wishes.

I mean this in the kindest way - it gets better and you need time. And sleep.

Sorry to hear about your loss. Time heals all wounds.

You can find bereavement listeners in certain areas. They visit your home.

I'm sorry, OP. I remember feeling like this when my mother died.
I got bereavement counselling and anti depressants, and time did gradually heal my grief.
It's awful to feel so sad.

OP please ask for support. It sounds like what you are describing is grief of course but could also be depression settling in. Speak to your GP or a grief counselling charity to talk it out, don't just feel like you have to cope with this on your own.

I'm so sorry. Do a little walk each day, even if it's done when it's early/late so you don't have to interact with anyone. Sit in your garden if you've got one. Fresh air is an incredible healer. If you can get to a beach or forest, even better. I swear those places are magical medicines.

Drink plenty of water as it'll make you get up to go to the loo and it'll get you out of bed.

In a few weeks, try and have a weekend away somewhere even if you only stay in your hotel room. A change of scene is important.

Life isn't normal for you right now and you won't get over the pain but you will grow to live with it. The GP is right in that it takes time. Until then, keep reaching out.

Read the last post again OP. You can do this.

That's beautiful I shall screenshot it.
My mum died two weeks ago.

I'm so sorry op. I am clinging on to the life my mum gave me.
What Serenity said above has totally made me think.

My mum gave me life! Xxx

So sorry. We'll be ok xx

💐

I am so sorry for your loss xxx

Let yourself sleep.

I did this for months when I lost someone I loved.

The sleep is healing and a healthy response to the trauma.

I'm so sorry OP.
It's very early days, so give yourself time. Like others have said, time does help.
Your lovely mum wouldn't want you to feel like this, she gave you life and would want you to live it and enjoy it.
You sleep as much as you need to.

Eventually you will find you integrate the grief and live for your mum. She gave you a wonderful gift - your life - and in time you will be ready to live it again. She is part of you. Part of her survives on in you.

That's so beautiful @SerenityNowInsanityLater

Thank you for posting it x

What beautiful advice. I hope you don’t mind but I have copied this to help my DH.

@SerenityNowInsanityLater What a beautiful and wise post.

So sorry for your loss.

I found working as much as possible and keeping busy helped to get me through.

I'm so sorry for your loss, the ladies here have given some wonderful advice. I agree that time is a healer, please lean on your friends. I lost my Dad nearly a year ago and I feel as if I've only scratched the surface in terms of processing it. Your Mum will live on though, in all the memories you have of her etc. Take care.

Sorry for your loss. I lost my mum four years ago this month and still miss her everyday, but I am now able to focus on the love she gave us and all the joyful times we shared and find that helps me live day to day. I also see her in my son and nieces, and know that she lives on in the memories of family and friends, which is a comfort to me.

It is a profound loss, and very recent for you. Take one day at a time and look after yourself. Reach out to friends and family if you can, or consider speaking to the Samaritans or similar if that works better.

Wishing you peace and comfort.