To be concerned about their mental state?

[Shadowsinbed]

I’m currently on Mat leave so I’m home all day for the first time since moving here over a year ago.
my direct neighbour is a 50 something single woman who doesn’t appear to work or leave the house much. Her daughter and grandchildren visit every day and I mean from morning to night, no idea why they never go to their own home or leave the house altogether but there’s never a break. The conversations must be so boring.
at weekends they’re extremely loud and always have been. We blocked it out knowing we can’t expect silence but it did eventually come to our attention that it’s on purpose - eg thumping on the walls, banging the fences if we’re in the garden, slamming doors, blocking us in on our legal dropped kerb drive. We carried on ignoring it to not give her the reaction she clearly wanted, but it’s got to the point where the noise is unbearable. I’m convinced she uses the grandchildren as a means to make noise as they throw toys at the walls, stomp on the spot for hours and throw broken toys into our garden while she laughs and says well done.
As we still haven’t reacted she has resorted to jumping on the spot and running around the house for hours (at night when alone so I know it isn’t the children as they pass my window to go to the car each night) she also seems to wake every couple of hours to slam a door or thump a wall clearly intending to wake us.
I’m now quite concerned and creeped out by her obsession with living her life to disturb us. everything she seems to do is aimed at us and no it isn’t paranoia, my family and friends can see it too and we’ve overheard conversations she has had confirming it. She picks and choses as she quietens down when my husband is home which means she is also watching our every movement. I set up a voice recorder as a test and she doesn’t do it when she knows our house is empty.
i have tried talking to her but she blanks us and all neighbours. She is very anti social it seems.
aside from this little rant that why aren’t they working and have all the time in the world to spend sitting on their ass all day, I’m starting to worry about this woman’s mental state and how far she will take it. Her daughter is either oblivious or enables it as she is there when it happens. They won’t look at us if we leave the house at the same time, they look at the floor and rush past (shared pathway).
Now do I keep ignoring it and hope she gives up or do I report it somewhere? She clearly needs help as I wouldn’t consider this behaviour ‘normal’ for an adult. My husband laughed at me but I genuinely feel unsafe and also threatened by the constant noise aimed at me for no reason. If it’s escalated this much she may become violent for all I know. I get the impression she doesn’t like having neighbours and wants to bully us out although it’s her choice to live there. I think police would be too far and may make things worse.
Any advice?

Bumping as I thought I’d have had replies by now!

Why have you assumed that she is running on the spot and moving around specifically to annoy you? Surely it's more likely that she's exercising?

Perhaps if you're generally quiet at home, she might not realise how much the sound carries. And children will try to throw things over and be annoying to get attention - it doesn't mean the adults are putting them up to it.

Why are you so concerned with whether their private conversations are boring or not? And with why she doesn't work? Do you think perhaps you're projecting this notion that they are doing everything to send a message to you because you are so invested in what they're doing? Do you genuinely think they are sitting there talking about you all day?

What made you think of recording them to prove it was directed at you in the first place? It must have been before you decided to record them that you suspected they were deliberately trying to upset you, so what made you think that in the first place?

You do sound a bit paranoid, especially in being scared that they might become violent towards you when it sounds like they are actually avoiding interacting with you as opposed to being aggressive with you. You also seem to be making a lot of assumptions about what they're thinking and doing and their motives based on little actual information.

It doesn't sound like they are going to attack you or anything - has this happened to you before with someone else?

I think you need to speak to someone. Midwife? GP?

When are you due?

How's things otherwise?

Has anything happened, anything at all to irritate her?

It could be that she dislikes and knows/ suspects the noise irritates you… I don’t think there’s much you can do about it as it’s not constant. M
Their work or lack of, is neither here nor there. Likewise with having visitors/ staying home and chatting.

Exercising overnight and slamming doors repeatedly? The rest is background info to show the bigger picture.
Yes they do talk about me and do it on purpose, as stated I have overheard conversations where they have specified what to do next to annoy me, my friends and family have witnessed and heard things too. If I describe everything I’ll be here all day, but them bringing children into it to join in is awful. They obviously don’t like me but I don’t know why, we were hardly ever home prior to mat leave starting. The noise has always been bad at weekends since we moved in though but it wasn’t until I am now home in the week that I noticed a pattern. But typical to mumsnet blame me and accuse me of being paranoid or unwell myself for being affected by her bizarre behaviour!

There has to be a reason they dislike you. Have you ever been loud yourself? Can you really not think of anything?

Love how everyone is jumping to blame you, lass! Actually, I can believe this and have been in a very similar situation, she was a total fruitcake. Also involved her grandchildren and daughter who were always there. A lot of it did seem very unnecessarily and on purpose tbh, including bizarre behaviour like encouraging her grandson to blow a whistle (,referrer/sport type adult whistle) into her fireplace which was so loud it would disturb a TV programme for us. She also did this mostly during the week when I was home alone with new baby. Totally bizarre and I couldn't understand or explain it. I was a teacher back then and had colleagues visit and even they picked up on it. I really feel for you. Tbh I had to move in the end for my own sanity. On the day we left she exploded at my husband and told him how noisy we were! 🤭😆 couldn't have been further from the truth. I believe you, I am so sorry I don't have any helpful advice but good luck. Some people are just absolutely crackers x

Ps one of my close friends who would sometimes come over to mine for the day with my (very quiet placid baby) said the only thing she could think of was our neighbour was bitter and jealous, maybe perceived I had some perfect life with a new baby and doting husband. Actually he was awful and I'm divorced now, but other people can assume things. Maybe she's irrationally jealous of you for some made up reason of her own, and is choosing to get on your nerves. I'm so sorry, the constant noise really ruined a lot of my may leave tbh nad her daughters were just as bad as her, and yes used to park over my driveway blocking me in 😩

Have you spoken to her about it? If not why not?

I don’t think the police would do much, they would advise you to make a noise complaint to the council. Hopefully the council would be helpful but some councils are useless when it comes to noise complaints. Maybe try this anyway?
Why is your husband laughing at you?? This sounds like a horrible and stressful situation, he should be supportive of you! What’s going on there?

Sorry about some of the replies you've received OP, I believe you! I grew up next to a woman like this who terrorised my mum. She would throw things over the fence into our garden, get her boys to kick a football in the garage against our living room wall for hours on end. She even once started drilling a hole through our wall. She would also follow my mum to the bus stop, assault her then call the police and say my mum assaulted her... it was horrendous.

Anyway, years later they had to sell the house to get away (at a huge discount as she would start shouting everytime we had a viewing to scare buyers away).

Sorry you're going through this. There's no reasoning with crazy people like this, would you consider moving?

Nobody is blaming anyone.

How likely is it that a whole family would run their entire lives around annoying a neighbour they'd never spoken to? Totally unprovoked by anything other than the OP taking maternity leave?

That's a lot of effort there.

Not saying that they aren't noisy, but the likelihood of it being personally directed at the OP is pretty low.

Those of you ridiculing the OP here in shock and disbelief, assuming it's all in her head or she's causing it, please count yourself lucky that you have never been subjected to this. It is horrendously to live next door to. I found out years later that the couple who had lived there before me had had the same issues with the same woman. No wonder we got the house cheap 🙄

Who is ridiculing her?

Pregnancy can do strange things to you. The lead up to birth is weird. I lost the plot over a broken toenail at one point.

Thanks for the nice replies, it’s definitely not in my head or several other people wouldn’t have witnessed it too! My husband tries to see the funny side that they obviously have no life to do this, whereas it makes me stressed as I have to deal with it all day. I haven’t done anything to cause it as far as I’m aware, we’re professionals who are hardly home, never had parties, no pets, we keep to ourselves and get on with other neighbours. It’s possible it is jealousy related who knows, but it’s hard to ignore as it’s constantly happening and impossible to block out when I’m trying to rest. Sadly there are nasty neighbours who do things like this and I knew that even before being in this position so I’m not sure why anyone would assume I deserve it/caused it/ made it up.

We had a neighbour like this - she would make lots of noise and laugh her head off about it. Used to get her son to constantly kick his ball over and then congratulate him for doing so she would let her dog endlessly bark and shout loudly that she hoped it annoyed me, would have noisy garden parties late at night and if she saw my bedroom light go on would get purposely louder. I know the type of person you mean. I find getting even with this type of person works a treat. Massively petty, but it puts them in a position where they can’t complain without getting a counter complaint and they feel as out of control of their home as you feel. So - you slam doors, you play music/tv loud when it doesn’t suit her, put a wind chime up, run noisily up the stairs. IME it does stop it, because people like this can dish it out but can not take it.

I gather that while you are on maternity leave, you haven't had your baby yet? So this is a time that you may find dragging and you are more sensitive than usual to what is going on around you. It's possible that this noisy behaviour is not directed at you at all. they are simply living their lives, not knowing how much the noise travels. When you bring your baby home, they will realise very quickly how easily sound travels. Maybe wait a bit ... as, soon enough, you may be the one offering an apology, when your baby is keeping you and the neighbour awake at night. And, who knows, having reared kids and grandkids, she may turn out to be a blessing in disguise - we've all needed help in those early days. Perhaps she will mind your baby occasionally and give you a break. What goes around comes around, as they say. Now may be the time to pay it forward by giving a little tolerance. I wish you all the very best with your new arrival - it's an exciting and busy time. You may find yourself wondering how you ever had the time or inclination to worry about noise next door! Good luck x

My baby is 6 weeks old it’s been happening since I was 7 months pregnant but every weekend since we moved in. At that time I didn’t take any notice as we were so busy but upon slowing down when pregnant it became obvious. My baby doesn’t cry (unless she’s having a bath!) so it isn’t that she’s being kept awake, nothings make a difference. She is completely unapproachable, even trying to say hi to her is returned with a death stare and no reply. I’m glad some of you know exactly the type of person I mean, you’ve hit the nail on the head there, I just can’t fathom why people do it when they could have a simpler life minding their business. If I do it back she does it 10x worse so there’s nothing to be gained unfortunately.

I have overheard conversations where they have specified what to do next to annoy me

Can you describe how these conversations go? I'm not necessarily doubting you, it's just so odd

When is baby due? A screaming baby will give opportunity for payback 😅

Sadly, with this type of loser, the only thing you can do is move away from them. Might sound extreme but if you've been there, honestly, it's horrible. I never felt I had peace in my own home.

So sorry you've had so many patronising responses 😬 take those with a pinch of salt. Yes pregnancy might cause some people to lose their mind over a broken toenail 🙄 although most of us don't. It certainly doesn't make you hallucinate and start hearing things. This really isn't you. There are just a subset of people in every society who are like this. I moved out to a rural location into an old asylum (I kid you not 😉) and I have to admit that apart from the sheer peace and tranquility of looking out over the woods, the main thing that drew me to it was the huge, thick Bath stone walls! Good luck going forward, I really do feel for you. It's a silly unnecessary stress you just don't need x

Thank you to the kind comments it’s really helped while I feel rubbish listening to her banging on the walls like she’s trying to dig her way through them. I do want to move but it’s convincing my husband that will be the hard part. She has all the time in the world on her hands so she can do these nasty things whereas I’m busy and can’t keep up the retaliation as much as I’d love to. I have a lovely video of my baby but in the background it sounds like a builder at work, it's her and it’s ruined the video so I can’t watch it unless it’s muted. Being a bully to your neighbour is one thing but teaching young children to take part I can’t get my head around.

I was't suggesting you were imagining the whole thing, but I do think that if someone has done something on purpose, it's easy to assume that everything else they do is deliberately directed at you when much of it might just be general living noise, especially since the walls do seem to be extremely thin.

I've been there too and it does make one paranoid and can leave one feeling very threatened. I found CBT helped me, but that's not to say I don't believe you or that it's all in your head. Just that for me, focussing on the bits I could control helped me, and my reactions to it were in my control whereas the neighbours' behaviour (however batshit) usually wasn't.

If you can hear them talking in their house, then they can probably hear you talking too, and they might have heard something that upset them and they're reacting to that? Obviously that doesn't mean you deserve it, but it might be an explanation if their behaviour is targeting you.

Plus, the fact you can hear each other talking is bound to make the situation worse if they're deliberately trying to annoy you. I wouldn't talk about them in the house any more as it sounds like they can probably hear when they've got the desired reaction from you, so don't give them the satisfaction of hearing you upset.

Gosh yes, I have those videos too 😬 in one of them you can actually see her head in the background as she's banging plant pots on the fence. As you do, for ages, every weekend 🙄 so sorry for you, your message has totally brought back those horrible feelings from when my baby was so tiny and all I wanted to do was be at home and have peace with him after a really busy year teaching reception, putting in a 75hr week most weeks. Like you, it wasn't until I finished work and was home more, usually reading quietly etc, that I really realised just how insane our neighbour was. The most chilling thing was also realising just how much of her racket was intentionally aimed at me. I had done nothing, I'm very quiet and keep to myself but always friendly and would wave hi to all neighbours. Got along with everyone else. She obviously just took a dislike to me and that was that. Disturbed me a lot at the time tbh x

I wouldn't do it back as some posters have suggested. That's exactly what she's wanting you to do and in my experience it will escalate her behaviour further. I'd pull out all the stops and convince your husband to move, life's too short