Parking drama on the street Whatsapp Group

[NailyDale]

Mrs Groupchat set up a Whatsapp Group for the cul-de-sac, mostly because everyone wanted to bitch about the students in Party House. Apart from the bitching, most messages are "has anyone else lost power?" and "#14 - your rabbits are out again" and also a lot of messages from Mr Construction at #9 apologising for his builders digging through the cables again.

Until a few days ago when Mrs Hedge House BLEW UP the chat with a furious "WELL THANK YOU VERY MUCH WHOEVER HAS REPORTED MY CAR TO THE COUNCIL NOW I'VE GOT A $200 FINE AND ISN'T IT NICE TO KNOW MY NEIGHBOURS ARE SPYING ON ME AND AS IF I'VE GOT $200 SPARE IN THIS FINANCIAL CLIMATE" and so on. Lots of shocked emojis and everyone sympathised, and quickly started blaming Mr Construction's tenants because they're foreign, innit. Mr Construction was there on the chat saying that his tenants are lovely and barely speak English and definitely wouldn't know how to go about reporting cars to the council, and also that he had got a fine too. As an aside, it is Mr Construction turning his house into 5 flats that has caused the parking drama. So everyone started blaming the new people at #13. The reporting happened before they moved in, so it wasn't a watertight case, but they are new to the street so we might as well blame them. And then someone wondered if it might be the blonde lady who lives up the long drive who never talks to anyone. I actually do know the blonde lady, but she once got drunk and sang country and western songs on her balcony until 3am, and her balcony is about 4m from my bedroom, so I don't mind if people want to blame her. Then Mrs Hedge House had a grumble about Mr Construction's trucks squashing the grass verge on the roundabout, and Mr Construction pointed out that the rubbish trucks do that too, but said he would put some more grass seed out over the weekend.

So, yesterday I was at a sport thing with the kids and I bumped into a family from the bottom of the cul-de-sac. They're not on the group chat. I was telling them about the drama, and Mr Sport Family said, oh yeah, I've had a couple of fines too, it's Nice Old Man who reports everyone. Well, either him or his care visitor. I hear them complaining about the parking every day when she comes over.

OMG! Nice Old Man who has a fat corgie and stands at the end of his drive in the sunshine saying hello to people!? Shocked emoji. So now I KNOW who (probably) reported everyone, but obviously it would be knobbish to say so in the group chat so I just have to SECRETLY know.

change the topic and confuse everyone with ‘did anyone see that creature last night, a Labrador sized cat shaped thing’

We used to have Pompous Peter (who never stopped bragging about his kids education - private school kids who became Doctors) who once said to me "how proud can a Father be of his Children" and his wife Sour Puss (probably sour because she had to put up with Pompous Peter everyday).

Plus in another house we used to have Big Gob Bal who used to have the loudest voice I have ever heard. Nothing and I mean nothing was done quietly (including the howling noises she made when having a good sesh with Mr Big gob).

Ha ha we have the clampets too, the murderer (he works in a slaughter house not an actual murderer), the hash heads and the clique

We have The Rude-Hippies, Mr Fuck Off (always to everyone), Nice Blind Lady, The Students (who used to be Garage Band but they stopped that) and The Nosy Bastards (who would have reported the parking). The Nosy Bastards have reported dogs, parking, Garage Band, us having people staying over, planning permission and various other bollocks. They are saints of course. Except that DH hears Mrs. Nosy Bastard talking on her phone in the garden about divorcing Mr. Nosy Bastard. She doesn't know he knows but we're all #TeamMrsNosyBastard. She's alright and so are the kids.

Up the road is more fun with the drug dealers' house and the massive scary dogs but I'm quite glad we're this end.

Oh dear .. this all sounds so familiar

May I add that Nice old lady , no the tall one has carers who have been blamed for putting wipes down the toilet - this happened after Big Drive House got a blocked drain

Mr I work 15 hrs a day suggested it may be the oil you pour down the sink but nooooo

Weird door Ken with the happy dog dug a drain out with a coat hanger and got nothing so he thinks they are all lying

Happy village life

Ha!! Love it!

Everyone on my street have names, apart from The Couple Who Don't Talk To Anyone at no 7- the car rolled off the drive late one evening for no apparent reason.

Except when I talk to DH, he needs street numbers instead, as he doesn't 'see' people. He knows No1 washes his car so often he's surprised there's any paint left on it. No 2 changes the car so often he's surprised he remembers which one is his etc. DH doesn't drive so I'm surprised he notices anyone's car!

Love this post.
Ours aren’t as entertaining. We have the Yorkshire man whose wife purchased the 4 bedroom semi with him but then decided to leave him right before the move, so he’s now on his own and has housed refugees instead who proceed to forget to lock up, forget to turn music off, forget you shouldn’t be screaming at video games after 1am. We also have the elderly gentleman whose wife left him and he’s now become very fragile so we regularly have to help him after falling over (particularly not cool when he fell getting out of the bath).
We also have the communal flats who regularly throw parties after 3am but claim to council their neighbours are being “precious” as they’re quiet as mice after 11pm. Hmm.
Our contribution is 2 teenage kids, one whose largest crime is playing on the trampoline in the back garden at times. Literally have to have time slots as the second she sets foot in garden Yorkshire man drops me a text message to say she’s outside again. She’s not allowed on there after 7pm ffs …. No noise allowed, even though his tenants make plenty. ;)

What was the £200 fine for? I'm invested...

Maybe no one reported anyone and the parking warden just wanders along every now and then? they do here.

We have:

Criminal Family (son has been to prison for burgling other houses in street and they have a nasty looking dog)
Family who are illegally doing a used car sale business from home (DVLA occasionally comes round and hauls off their unlicensed vehicles, that's fun)
HMO with Illegal Extension which has now fallen down and makes the place look like a slum in a developing country

The council had a vote about making our street restricted parking and presumably the majority were in favour as it was duly brought in. At the time people on the street WhatsApp were delighted that the school run parents were going to be dealt with, to say nothing of people attending a local sporting venue. But they're absolutely furious when they get done, and seem to see no correlation whatsoever.

How about everyone parks legally, just a thought???

I've reported illegally parked vehicles (usually a van) on the double yellows outside my house, they are there for a reason, it's a blind bend! I've seen two crashes caused because the driver had to pull onto the other side to get round a parked vehicle.

Sorry no sympathy for illegally parked cars

This is the best fun I've had in ages - fantastic opening post, and brilliant replies.
Is anyone reading it and having a little chilly feeling that they could be one of the awful neighbours? @Throwncrumbs, I thought I might have been your Fishwife, married to Dickhead, but certain details have thankfully proved me wrong.
I'm probably someone else's Fishwife Dickhead, though.

That was fun to read op, you should be a writer

I need a drawing. Preferably like the map one at the start of Winnie The Pooh.

I rather think that's the aim.

So are you all parking illegally?

We have CSI because she spies on everyone
The cowboy - his surname is West
The general- used to be in the army
Miss Perfect- house is immaculate and we once saw her cleaning gutters on Xmas day
One leg - no explanation needed.

We have chav corner in our street where they all sit outside the front doors while their kids play in the road. They glare at anyone who dares to drive on the road. They have perfectly good gardens to play in.

Then there's the snobs who don't speak to anyone and get the hump if parcels or letters for other houses are delivered to them by mistake (postman error surely, not the homeowner)

The one with unruly dogs - they seem to escape unsupervised a lot and chase cats - they're xl bullies so it's a bit worrying.

We have a recluse who says hello but rarely goes out. Lives alone and had us all worried when an ambulance turned up in the middle of the night.

There's the handyman who is garrulous and will fix anything

The barky dog on the end. Barky dog is a new addition and now the screechy gkids rarely visit - swings and roundabouts

Lastly there's Mrs nice-to-your-face who wears a fake persona in public, but we can all hear her real self in the garden

I'm hoping I'm the 'ordinary ' one!

Absolutely loved the character's names, OP!

Love the neighbour whatsapp. We have one and it can get quite heated at times. We have Mr Racist, Mr Thinks he's funny, Mr Godfather (in his own head), Ms Lets all calm down and Mr stop asking me to help you with your odd jobs.

Anyone else wondering what their neighbours call them now?😬

Hahaha we've got dog shit man, outwards opening door family, nob ed noisy car, crazy cat lady (she has 9) and Mr maradonnakebab.

Mr West the Cowboy is my favourite name so far!

Poor bugger 😁

Does someone actually turn out for cars that are parked incorrectly and then fine them? Police officers/traffic wardens or is it private parking companies?

At our local primary the parking is terrible and dangerous to the children who actually try to walk to school since cars all over the pavements and rushing here and there. No-one is interested (police, parking wardens etc) and that's a safety issue not just a whinge issue.

Has anyone suggested to Cross-About-being-Fined that the possibility of parking safely and legally is also available?