My 18 month old has broken me - anyone else up?

[bakewellbride]

She's going through a rough patch with her sleep and I've just got the end of the road with it.

She wants me to sit in the rocking chair for absolutely hours just holding her all night long.

I can't do it anymore. Im currently lying on the floor next to her cot bawling my eyes out. I've got no one to help me and an older child.

Can anyone help? She wants me to pick her up and get back to sitting there with her but I just physically no longer have the strength, I have nothing left to give.

I keep trying to reassure her through the tears and tell her to lie down but she won't and it's just so awful. I need sleep, I can't cope.

I think you need to consider consleeping in a different set up. Your eldest has the comfort and security of their parents in the bed with them, why not offer that comfort to your youngest when they are so clearly reaching out for it?

If you upgrade your bed to Superking that will be big enough for 2 adults and 2 little ones at various points.
It is very common though for parents to each sleep with one child in a different room. Families that do this prioritise a good night's sleep for everyone. The teenagers don't want to share your bed so no need to worry.

It’s ok if you need to put her in the cot, close the door and go back to bed. If you are past your ability to cope walk away. Xx

So sorry to hear this, my little boy was similar, he just hated the cot, so at around 15 months we got him a single mattress and a floor bed frame. He sleeps so much better than he did in the cot but also it means we can sleep in there with him if he is struggling and at least we all get some sleep!

When DS was about 21 months we moved him from his cot into a double bed with a bed guard on one side and against the wall on the other side and it made such a difference to getting up to him in the night because we could just lie down and hold his hand and drop back off again.

I completely agree with this. As long as she’s safe, dry and fed she’s absolutely fine to be left. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

If you can, get yourself a double for her. Push against the wall and buy a bed guard. Hook the monitor up and then when she gets up in the night get in with her. Your mental health and getting sleep is so important! You cannot go on like this.. bless you xx

I second this.

I was dead set against sleep training as a first time mum but after not having more then 2-3 hours of sleep for 8 months we caved and it has been the best decision we made.

We done like an altered Ferber method. Put him down after his usual bedtime routine, and gave kisses and cuddles and then left the room for 5 minutes. After 5 mins one of us went back in and shhed and patted for a minute and left again for 5 mins. It took 3-4 nights and now he sleeps through the night.

If you feel up to it OP sleep training will help you both get back to a normal sleep cycle!

Big hand hold from me. You're doing amazing and this too shall pass.

If your baby can’t go in your bed with you, get an airbed or chair bed and sleep in the baby’s room. The important thing is that everyone sleeps.

Yes I have just remembered, we had a double bed in the nursery alongside the cot and sometimes I would sleep with baby in the double bed with no pillows.

I think I read your older one is in your bed. Can you put them both in your bed?

we were all in one bedroom until my kid was 4. When he had his own room he wouldn’t settle. I let him in our bed and I would just take my pillow and go sleep in his bed.

When mine was like that I would sit on the sofa and he’d sleep in between my legs, it was surprisingly comfortable and we both slept a reasonable stint.

Could you try something like this?

If your husband works nights in a difficult job and needs sleep I would put him in the baby’s room and you and the two kids sleep in the bed.

It’s really really shit and hard and there sometimes seems like there’s no way out but you’ll get there.

Oh yes, doubles all the way if you can.

I would definitely go to sleep training, but start on a night where you don’t have to get up for work in the morning.

It seems painful the first night or two, but most kids only take 2/3 nights as long as you don’t waver.

And I agree with whoever said that letting her cry in her cot for awhile when you’ve reached your limits will be fine. You have needs too!

Sleep train or co sleep. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but this is not sustainable at all. My DS2 started doing this at 10 months so I sleep trained (I would have co slept but he actually refused!). Don't feel bad, children need sleep too this isn't healthy for her either having broken sleep all night.

Please read this book. It will help I promise. Understand sleep associations will help you through this. We were at our wits end when our daughter was 5 months old. Don’t skip to the solution, read the book first. Recommended to loads of people and almost all say it helped enormously. Good luck 💗
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Solve-Your-Childs-Sleep-Problems/dp/0091948096?nodl=1&dplnkId=07d20480-7059-413b-af42-f9c7ae74108e

@bakewellbride you have a few options.

1. hubby takes a weeks holiday and spends the first few doing the night shift. You’ll see clearer with a few nights full sleep.
2. control crying - you need to be tough with it, picking her up is teaching her that if she cries, she gets picked up. (Some children don’t cry at all, they learned no-one comes whether they do or don’t - sad as that is, it proves children will adapt).
3. transition your older child to their own bed to permit you to co-sleep with youngest.

You can’t see the woods for the trees, you need a sleep!

Bless you x
My children are all older now, but I well remember those days, it’s exhausting.
It sounds to me as of you need to start with weaning your older child out of your bed, and I’d be tempted to do that by decorating their room to their choice (I did it with one of mine, at that age, by cutting a Batmobile shape out of MDF, painting it with blackboard paint and screwing it to the side of their bed, they loved sleeping in their Batmobile)
Secondly, I’d sleep with your younger child on a mattress on the floor, or the sofa, or wherever you can. Mine used to sleep for hours lying on top of me while I lay on the sofa. I wouldn’t sleep very heavily, but was much more restful than sitting up with them. And then progressed to spooning them in their beds. Eventually they started sleeping in their bed while I slept on the floor. And finally, felt like a lifetime, I got to sleep in my own bed, and they stayed in theirs.
But there really is a light at the end of the tunnel
Big hugs

You should have given the full story then everyone would have had a better understanding of what your DH does or doesn't do.

My daughter was 4 when I finally couldn’t take it anymore and booked a sleep specialist. She basically taught us on zoom meetings what we needed to do and it was the best £150 we ever spent. I know you might not be in a position to do that so the basic rules are:
1 make her room somewhere she wants to be, we had a little bedroom party and helped her out some special things on the wall as well as a night light.
2 have a routine and let her know what’s coming next, ie bath, pjs, story, night light, sleep
3 after the stories - and this is the mega one - she called it pottering pop ins. So while she’s nice and calm, just say I’ve just got to go to the loo and I’ll be back, and make sure you go back. Then think of another reason, but basically don’t be there constantly while she’s falling asleep. This was the absolute game changer for us because when she woke in the night she wasn’t expecting one of us to be there.

good luck, I know it’s hell on Earth.

Not practical help but keep repeating this too shall pass!

That’s so tough and such a difficult time. You are doing your best. I’d say to get rid of the rocking chair or put it away in storage. Let her see that it has gone. Say that now it’s time for bed all cosy. In the cot and all fine. Be kind to yourself. Let your neighbours know that there might be noise. My kids never slept at this age so I understand how hard it is to function.

I’m so sorry that you are struggling OP. I have no advice to give I’m afraid, only moral support. My DDs are teens now but what you have described is exactly how my life was when they were young. I slept on a mattress on their floor for a long time, then my youngest slept on a mattress on my floor for over a year. It is so hard and so frustrating and so lonely. I know this doesn’t help you now but it DOES get better. It will get better ❤️

Do you work @bakewellbride ?

If you do - book a week off work to try sleep training. Basically putting her in bed, then leaving. Come back every few minutes if she's crying/calling for you, but just pat and shush then leave. I did this with my then 14 month old and successfully got him both off the boob and into his own bed, sleeping through the night. YMMV, but I'd say it's worth a try?

(And yes I genuinely booked a week off to do this as I was exhausted and running on fumes. You got this!)