Has society changed?

[Paintingonthewall12]

Thinking from another thread has British society changed from 30 years ago?

Are grandparents less likely help family when needed? Are adult children less likely to help parents when needed? Neighbours / friends too?

Someone also commented it’s more a British trend and other cultures / countries have a better “village” mentality.

Ive seen lots of posts that people don’t have to help, even family it’s their choice but I find this really sad, that people can’t call their parents to help with childcare when going for an operation.

Has it really changed that much in 30-50 years?

I was born 1985. My grandparents (who lived a 10 mim drive away) only ever took us out for the day once that I can remember. And then looked after us for a week once, when parents went on holiday. We visited them every week without fail and had them to ours every Christmas. My mums parents lived abroad so we only ever saw them once every couple of years.

My parents and in laws have looked after our kids more than my grandparents ever looked after us.

My mum was a SAHM from when I was born and never worked again, so I suppose my grandparents didn't think they needed childcare.

My mum always looked after my nan (the local one, who was her MIL) until it got too much for her and she had to go into a home.

Not sure what I think. I think helpful people have always been helpful and less helpful people have always been less helpful.

I would say yes, one of the reasons being that people are working more and for longer. Many many more working mums, that will still be working as grandparents mean less people around and less time available to help out family etc.

100% there’s a massive shift in two working parents in a household and people working longer.

There has also been a large increase in depression / anxiety and I think this is partly due to society being more segregated, we don’t always make time to check in on people / talk to others / help support them?

Not sure what I think. I think helpful people have always been helpful and less helpful people have always been less helpful.

@Dacadactyl yes your right, I wonder if we are leaning more to towards less helpful not due to people’s own faults but they are working longer so we literally have less time for others?

I think people have less time & families are more spread out however there are a lot of threads on here where posters say it's unreasonable to have help etc. My parents & in-laws help with my dc & I & DH help them, was the same for our parents & gps. We aren't English but it's the norm for lots of my friend too.

Where I grew up both grandparents lived a short drive away (10mins). One set had us often, the other didn’t. We now live a 3hr drive from my parents and a 40min drive from my husbands. My PIL have our child for the day once a week/fortnight and we feel very fortunate as we weren’t banking on it. We both work full time.

My parents have mobility issues so can’t easily pop up and babysit. My brother bless him, is happy to come down and babysit overnight if we have an event to go to (he lives 5hrs away!).

I think it’s a combination of people having children later so grandparents are older and less able to manage, people moving away from home, and both parents having to work do grandparents aren’t able to pop in whenever.

Yes in terms of life is much more expensive - many more people are struggling to cover basic living costs. More grandparents may be working because they can't afford to retire. As has been mentioned parents, and therefore grandparents are older, so GPs may not be well enough for regular childcare.

Did grandparents help back then? We’d go over to gps to see them for an hour or so once a week, mum was there and chatted away, we sat doing nothing really!! I don’t know that they ever minded us- I know they didn’t do the crazy childcare gps do now!! I sometimes think of all the running about I did when the kids were toddlers and think what cruel person would expect that of someone 20 or 30 years older?!? Madness!!

I don't know. My nan was a SAHM too and my grandad retired at 55, so they had the time. They just didn't do it. Although my nan said "I didn't enjoy looking after kids the first time round" i.e. her own kids (of which she had many) so I don't blame her for not wanting to look after us often. That being said, my sister and I loved them dearly (R.I.P)

I've been a SAHM too and I don't intend to be providing regular childcare when I'm older. Although to be fair I'll likely still be working when my kids have kids as I was a young mum.

Anecdote here, but I have no idea of any general trends.

I was born in the 60s. My grandmother lived with us but refused to babysit so my parents could have a night out, as she believe parents should look after their own children. Once my parents got a babysitter, and my grandmother was so horrible to the babysitter that they never got another one.

Blimey, I don’t think there’s any question whatsoever that grandparents help on a much bigger scale than 40 or 50 years ago -just because more women work.

I don’t think adult kids helping elderly parents has changed either way.

Communities are probably less strong, although it will vary a lot. That will be a result of more women working / longer working hours/ kids not playing out / working class communities having been broken up more / smaller families / people moving around more / a less homogenous society

I was born in the mid 50s and my grandparents lived a long way away due to my Dad moving with work. I think I met my maternal grandparents 2 or 3 times and paternal grandparents half a dozen times in my life if that. They were never able to look after me or take me out. My own parents were quite helpful with my child and I am very close to my own grandchildren. So in my own family things have gone the other way. I mainly grew up in a New Town in the 60s so most of my friends grandparents lived elsewhere.

Depends on your family. We have some of our gc often, DH (and myself) love having them. We'd have the others but they're a bit further away. Our families are always welcome and we're happy to help out.

When they were little my parents were happy to.look after ours when needed and we were grateful for that and are passing that benefit onto our girls, whether it's a couple of hours or overnight.

There has also been a massive shift of people moving away from where they grew up because they can't afford the house prices. If you live 40 miles away you can't rely on grandparents to pop over and pick kiddy up from nursery when you're running late.

I was a child in the 70s --and 80s

Are grandparents less likely help family when needed?

then My mum was a SAHP so GPs weren't needed for childcare but we'd visit often for weekends and stay for weeks at a time in the school holidays

now we didn't 'need' GPs for childcare (could afford it) but they voluntarily take the kids one day a week. Both DH and I travel a lot for work which sometimes clashes and GPs step in then and the kids stay at their house.

Neighbours / friends too

then neighbours would occasionally babysit us

now I wouldn't dream of asking my neighbours but I help out with friends giving lifts etc to activities and vice versa

So IMO this aspect of life hasn't changed much

I agree, not one of our 6 children live within 200 miles of us( they do like us ) we moved and they moved.

Yes. Born in 65. Definitely

There has also been a large increase in depression / anxiety and I think this is partly due to society being more segregated, we don’t always make time to check in on people / talk to others / help support them?

I'm not sure this is true. My aunt had PND, I think my mum has probably struggled with trauma and depression consistently, my GF certainly did, my GM on the other side struggled with alcohol, my BF's mum definitely had anxiety, ditto my other friend's mum. Not a one of them diagnosed, treated and recorded statistically. Many friends with MH issues 30-odd years ago ranging from anxiety and depression to full-blown psychosis. More than one friend had in-patient treatment.

I mean my GPs all lived through a war. Death, trauma, witnessing terrible things, losing people they loved. Of course people struggled with MH issues.

We just talk about it more, which is a good thing. But it has always existed.

I was a child 30 years ago . My mum was a sahp . She did housework and dad worked. If she needed to go somewhere one of the mums on the street would babysit me. When she started work I stayed with gp who lived a 20 min walk away. Whe gp needed support all their children (5) helped by visiting daily. . I think the village made things a lot easier

For example, from Wiki:

Age-standardised rates generally fell between 1981 and 2007, with rates in subsequent years increasing to reach a peak of 11.1 deaths per 100,000 in 2013, though this was still substantially less than the rates seen in the 1980s and 1990s.[10] The highest rate of suicide was recorded as 21.4 deaths per 100,000 population in 1988. Male suicides have consistently accounted for approximately three-quarters of all suicides in the UK since the mid-1990s.[10]

If suicide is probably the most measurable sign of depression, it was worst in 1988. Not now.

Yes absolutely. The entitlement and lack of manners is more apparent, I really don’t recognise the streets of my city anymore.

I was born 1962. Grandparents were old and never looked after me.
My parents and in laws never looked after my children.
I have looked after my children regularly since the first was born.
I absolutely take them on holiday, and do all manner of physical activities with them.

Well, since women now have to work until they are 68, that has rather put the dampers on them being available for childcare.

My mil is always telling me how wonderful her extended family was when she was a child. But she actively avoids us. Far better things to do and more exciting people to see. My own mum needed help but refused it at the same time. Never ever see fil. I absolutely will never care for or worry about my aging in laws since my own mum died. I instantly felt burnt out from dealing with that. They are dhs problem. But they distance themselves from us so there's no bond. I no longer feel like they are my family.

I want to do better than that for my kids. There's no village. Just people there for the good times and users. They mostly disappear when you need them.

My views are very skewed fro..having a disabled child. I'm all cared out. Caring for in laws who distanced themselves from us is called being used. No fuck that. There's no society expectations either for us as white British and no extended family to question it

Ahh that’s interesting and you are right that probably is a good way to measure the level
of depression. I’m happy people talk about it more and it’s sad to think people suffered in so much silence. There was the British theme of stiff upper lip right and just get on with things