At what age are birthday parties drop-and-run?

[IsleOfPenguinBollards]

I’ve taken DD to two birthday parties this weekend. Both of the birthday children were turning six. At each party, there seemed to be an expectation that the parents would stay, and there were chairs laid out for them. So I stayed. Gosh, I’ve seen a lot of magic shows lately.

The things is, the parents of the birthday child usually have other relatives there to help with the party food. Plus, there’s often an entertainer. So we end up with a ratio of about three adults for every two children, which seems a bit unnecessary for 5-6 year olds. Even if there is the occasional toddler wandering around.

In my day, after the age of about three or four, the party guests were all just dropped off at the birthday child’s house, where they would play pass the parcel and eat jelly and ice-cream before being picked up two hours later.

Why are the parents of older children expected to stay at parties these days? And at what age does this normally end? I’d like my weekend afternoons back!

DD was oldest in her year and we had a 5th birthday party at home. All parents stayed. One tried to leave her screaming just turned 4 year old with me. I marched him out to her car as she was reversing off the drive and gave him back, I had a party to host I'm not a babysitter!

2 years later we had a party and no parents stayed and it was fine. So I would say year 2 is fine

Why ? Am curious as to why you still feel uncomfortable leaving an 8-9 year old .

I don't like this. My daughter has just started reception.
I suffer from social anxiety. Mildly day to day but with things like this, quite a bit.
I hate to say I am dreading when my daughter gets invited to her first party... and I would absolutely ask my partner to come with me if the expectation was to stay. Better than standing awkwardly on my own.

@301963Laurie probably because I was assaulted by a friends dad when I was 7. It’s not her it’s other people I don’t trust.

It varies from area to area, and school to school. But generally they stayed in infant school and started dropping off from grade 3 onwards, depending on the distance to the venue.

I tended to book events that were quite fun for the family though and allowed siblings (paid for by own parents though).

It was really only the ones that were at people's houses (so limited space) that parents were specifically asked to drop off. But with those there was also a limited number of children to look after.

In my (limited!) experience where I am- reception was all parents stay- though I guess in part that was because none of the parents knew each other yet rather than solely because kids were little. Year 1 was a mix-most hosts offered that parents could either stay or go- and it seemed more stayed than went. Year 2- so far all been drop off, kids turning 7 and smaller parties though so easier to supervise.

Mine was 4/5. The parents hate me!

In my experience it starts around Y3. Though I did have one parent drop and run at my DD 6th last week, I was quite stressed out by it actually. I felt responsible for her but as a single mum with no help I was already run ragged doing food, drinks and party games etc.

Things have changed. The first dump and dash I experienced was at a 3rd Birthday Party ! ( was neither the dumper nor the dumpee) and a couple dumped at DS ( now 19)'s 4th. By 5 it was definitely fair game.

Reception age. But this was 25 years ago when parties were having friends round for tea as opposed to a whole class extravaganza.
I knew the parents and the children were used to going to their friends houses on their own through playdates.
I've never stayed at a child's party.

I live in Ireland and basically they are as soon as you start having them. Parents never stay and it would seem weird to do so. I had 4th birthday parties for mine where kids were dropped and left

All the class parties here are in large village halls with outside space and attended by at least 20 children so parents always stay. As the host there's no way I would want responsibility for looking after that many kids whilst sorting food etc.

From about Year 3 they tend to change over to cinema/bowling/sleepovers when parents wouldn't be expected to stay.

For those saying they leave from about age 4/5, are we talking just for house parties? They're not really a thing around here but then barely anyone lives in a house big enough to be hosting parties!

DD is now 16 but at the end of Reception/beginning of Y1 we left her if she wanted. That was mainly when she knew the parents from play dates and was comfortable with them. That was basically the norm in our area.

At the end of Y1 I only stayed to help with her best friend's party as the parents had no family around. But then parties went from whole class party to maybe 10 children.

Only exception were soft play as DD hated the noise and one had a really confusing layout and she wasn't keen on asking for help.

Year 2 here

Seems to be massively school (or possibly group of parents) dependent.

My experience was that the number of drop and runners increased through Reception and it was only the odd parent staying in Year 1. However at SIL's school apparently it's extremely rare to leave your child at a party until Year 3.

I'd say not a faux pas to drop and run as long as you check with the host (in advance of the party), though. Someone has to start the trend!

My DD has just started Year 1 and the first party of the year is in a few weeks. The mum has said it's fine to drop and go, so it'll be interesting to see how many parents do that. I think one parent will likely stay with DD1 as she'll find it reassuring (its a venue she's been to once before). Plus the parties in reception year (which all had parents staying) were quite a social occasion for the parents - many of them use wrap around care so don't see each other at the school gates. And many of us are car-free (including us), so would be stuck outdoors in the cold/rain waiting for it to finish.

Personally we only had DH and I at our DD1's party, no other relatives, so I don't relish the idea of supervising 20 5/6 year olds between the 2 of us!

I'm so sorry.

You don't really know the parents do you- lots of predators out there. This is why I would never allow a sleepover for my DC until they are at least teens and only if I felt they could handle themselves. Its not worth it.

I think Covid has affected it - it meant parties between age 4-6 for us either didn't happen or were a small group of people in a park so the experience didn't build up. Also, DD was the only kid from her nursery to go to her school, then we moved areas and schools so there weren't relationships with existing kids - and I wouldn't drop off to unknown parents.

Year 1 and 2 I went with her to parties, it also helped us get to know other families as with kids in wraparound you don't meet at the school gates. I left her at one where I knew the parents. For her 7th (church hall with an entertainer) I let parents know they could drop if they wanted to. Amusingly it was mostly the parents of boisterous boys we didn't know very well who did this!

There have been a couple of small group house parties which I just drop off to, but most people's houses aren't big enough for this.

Also, some venues are a distance away. If you've driven or walked 20-30 mins to get somewhere there's not a lot of point going home for half an hour to then come back again!

I was only happy to offer drop and go at DD's party because we had two entertainers so there were more adults present (me, DH, a friend + 2 entertainers) and ones experienced with kids.

There is no way I'd want to be left in charge of a hall full of kids I barely know with just me and DH there!

Tends to be Y2 on for us. I said you can drop & run but most people stayed (would have rathered they didn't tbh!)

Yes the 3 year old one was a house party. What happened to old adage "one friend for every year if your age"? In yr R what we hd most of was house parties for 5-8 4/5 year olds who had all been to nursery together (school nursery) and were all reliably toliet trained. They also tended to be quite structured with crafts and party games. We managed with 3 adults, my DSis would help.

I think it deoends if it's a house party or in a hall or play centre though. In my experience parents tend to stay on for younger children's parties when they aren't being held in someone's house.

When my dc were small (eldest is 32) it was from about 3 and a half or 4. Once they went to playschool/montessori people seemed happy enough to drop and go.

I think from about age 6, so year 1. That’s how it is around here.

Obviously some parents will hang around when they’re a bit older - maybe just because they live a bit further away and it’s logistics, maybe because their child is a bit nervous, or needs medical supervision or whatever. But the majority start dropping off from 6,I’d say.

I do a lot of parties in my job. I find that over 8s parents don't stay, under 4 they always stay and 5-7 it's mixed but mostly parents stay unless it's a house party.