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Original poster

At what age are birthday parties drop-and-run?

80 replies

IsleOfPenguinBollards · 17/09/2023 20:20

I’ve taken DD to two birthday parties this weekend. Both of the birthday children were turning six. At each party, there seemed to be an expectation that the parents would stay, and there were chairs laid out for them. So I stayed. Gosh, I’ve seen a lot of magic shows lately.

The things is, the parents of the birthday child usually have other relatives there to help with the party food. Plus, there’s often an entertainer. So we end up with a ratio of about three adults for every two children, which seems a bit unnecessary for 5-6 year olds. Even if there is the occasional toddler wandering around.

In my day, after the age of about three or four, the party guests were all just dropped off at the birthday child’s house, where they would play pass the parcel and eat jelly and ice-cream before being picked up two hours later.

Why are the parents of older children expected to stay at parties these days? And at what age does this normally end? I’d like my weekend afternoons back!

OP posts:
Hollyhead · 17/09/2023 21:07

Covid changed this for some reason, with my first it was reception/year 1. Now it seems to be year 2 with dc2, but I just did from 5 anyway as I’d generally made plans to run errands in the spare hour!

UnalliterativeGeorge · 17/09/2023 21:10

DS was year 3 last year and we were asked to drop and run then followed by them telling us when we picked him up that he got upset he didn't win some of the games so instead of getting him to sit out if he couldn't join in nicely they just stopped playing any more games Hmm

DD is year 2 this year and we're dropping and running now, similar problems will not occur as she'll neither notice nor care if she doesn't win anything Grin

Coffeaddict · 17/09/2023 21:10

Between year 1 and 2
I think it depends on location eg house is a drop and run

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arethereanyleftatall · 17/09/2023 21:29

Reception so 4/5

Bunnycat101 · 17/09/2023 21:37

I think between y1 and 2 venue dependent. There are some places where it isn’t that appropriate to dump 30 odd kids with the poor party hosts. What then seemed more common is a degree of lift sharing so more drop and go or times where someone stayed on site to do lifts but weren’t really that present.

Bunnycat101 · 17/09/2023 21:47

I would also add that I have seen some kids behave absolutely appallingly at parties without a parent present. Some of those children should never have been drop and go at the age they were because of their behaviour. I’ve also seen lots of kids in tears with no parent around. Some children manage brilliantly and love the independence but some really aren’t ready and it’s not fair if those children mean the host parents are trying to sort them out all the time.

WorkCleanRepeat · 17/09/2023 21:53

Year 2 was mainly drop and run. So far year 3 is looking like smaller groups and sleepovers.

WhisperingHi · 17/09/2023 21:54

I would only want to drop my kid and go if I knew the parents, at least until they're 8 or so but even then, I want to know someone vaguely before leaving my child in their care.

I don't mind when their friendship group gets smaller and I start to meet the parents.

I also wouldn't want to put a hall party on for 30 6 years olds with no parents there.

WhisperingHi · 17/09/2023 21:55

Is the etiquette to specific if it's drop and go or stay on the invite?

gogomoto · 17/09/2023 22:01

Once at school nobody stayed, so 5th birthday

Somanycats · 17/09/2023 22:01

Sixth birthday. Goodbye parents. I was very annoyed if any parents tried to stay from the sixth birthday onwards. And they must have known as no one tried it, or not for long anyway. Don't engage. Feed them nothing, and organise the party as it they were invisible. They wont stay long.

shutterup · 17/09/2023 22:05

All the parties my daughter went to were optional. I stayed when she was very young. I was always surprised when I held them and both mum and dad turned up, like those families who use Tescos for a day out. Not necessary and annoying. One of you will do and honestly you don't need to stay!

TheWayTheLightFalls · 17/09/2023 22:10

Maybe specify on the invite, a la Motherland?

Y1 here and still lots staying, but if I'm bringing my child I'll offer to take and watch the child from the next street over / the twin when the other twin isn't invited / the kid with a newborn sibling whose parents could do without a party that weekend. And people tend to reciprocate. By five most kids can take themselves to the loo and do without too much supervision.

Echobelly · 17/09/2023 22:10

I'd say after they start school - my experience was about half of parents would hang around in Reception year, a few in Y1, and I don't think any after that. We always encouraged parents to leave and give themselves a break once kids were 4+.

WhisperingHi · 17/09/2023 22:13

@Somanycats how lovely of you 😬

Equimum · 17/09/2023 22:16

My kids started school at different schools. With the eldest, the culture was very much drop and run as soon as in year 1. With the younger one, some parents still seem to keen to stat in year 3, and it really did seem to be an expectation in year 2. I was really surprised as year one seemed more natural.

WhisperingHi · 17/09/2023 22:18

@Echobelly my 4 year old would be very upset if I left as she's quite reserved, especially in new environments and with formal entertainment.

I would imagine it also depends on the venue? Who would be helping them/making sure they found their way back safely if the toilet is down the hall away from the main hall? I wouldn't expect 4 year olds to navigate their own way there and back, my daughter still occasionally needs my help.

From a safeguarding perspective as well as a practical perspective, I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving a 4/5 year old on their own at a hall party.

sunshineandshowers40 · 17/09/2023 22:19

DC1 I stopped staying in y2 but I have 2 younger DC and DH used to work weekends; DC3 I left at nursery if I knew a few parents that would be staying but he's a confident and well behaved boy.

FreshStart12345 · 17/09/2023 22:22

I've always left them at 5. Once they are in "big school" they can survive without mummy/daddy being there for two hours

DinnaeFashYersel · 17/09/2023 22:35

As soon as we started P1 they all immediately became drop and go. So age 5.

PollyPeep · 17/09/2023 22:46

FreshStart12345 · 17/09/2023 22:22

I've always left them at 5. Once they are in "big school" they can survive without mummy/daddy being there for two hours

Well at school there are safeguarding measures put into place and it's not an unsecured location with unknown adults, where the toilets may be outside the room, where there are maybe two unqualified adults looking after 20 kids, lots of unpredictability etc. I'd have thought it would be obvious that it's more than just "being without mummy and daddy".

toomanyleggings · 17/09/2023 22:51

It was year 3. I still don’t really like to do it and try to hang around now she’s in y5

NCGrandParent · 17/09/2023 22:52

Almost nobody stayed behind the 6th birthday party, most left at 5th too. Only exceptions were with children with some kind of particular need (autism, attachment etc).

drinkuptheezider · 17/09/2023 22:56

Mine are in their 30s now, but from 3 it was drop and run. The kids knew each other from toddlers/ playgroup. (village) DS2 went with his brother at 2 and a half. The host mum was amazed at their table manners and that they asked to get down from the table. 😂

301963Laurie · 17/09/2023 23:01

Back in the day when my children went to parties they were dropped off once they started primary school,so about 5 .