Shit hole

[Lostmynames]

My house /garden is heading for a shit hole. I have had worse times of my house being a shit hole. I can see it's heading that way again. My 3 youngest children have been at my ex place since Friday evening. Adult ds came to visit yesterday. All I done that day is fix a leak, and start emptying the pool.

In my front garden is a massive cardboard box and polystyrene. It's looks a shit hole I'm meant to be taking it down to the large bins where I live . It's about 8 houses down. But doing it feels like the end of the world. Everyone else's front garden is spotless then there's mine.

I need to get on top of my washing that's just getting silly as well. I have 2 black sacks of my own washing. That includes duvets etc . I think I have 2 clean items I can wear. Plus all the kids washing . I have not even washed their uniform yet.

I need hoover 3 fights of stairs wipe all the banisters and skirting and door frames. All the white wood is really grubby and dirty.

I get breathless going up the stairs. And I get tired and feel really weak. Quickly so everything feels like it's the end of the world although it's probably not that bad. But the tiredness and drained feeling really gets to me. I saw gp about this a few days ago . Have been given folic acid. Retest bloods in a few months.

I want to feel a positive vibe but I just can't get there.

You are unwell so please don’t beat yourself up.

All you have to do today is get the uniform washed, don’t worry about anything else. I personally would have asked adult DS to put the rubbish in the garden in the bins. May I ask why you didn’t feel as if you could ask? My sisters are very much like you, we were raised to just get on with things and be capable and to ask for help was seen as being a but weak but it really is ok to ask for help. Hope you feel better soon.

Ask for your eldest to come back and move the rubbish

stick a wash on

forget about hoovering. But you could get a very hot soapy cloth and a dry one and do the door frames/doors.

sit down and have a cuppa

hang washing up/out or tumble it.

put second wash on

that’s plenty for today.

Head up. You can do this.

Choose five things that are achievable for today and will make the most difference to how you’re feeling. Possibly:

• move cardboard box to bin
• sort washing. Wash uniforms and enough clean clothes for you for the week.
• clean kitchen (you didn’t mention the kitchen, but I always start there as I spend so much time in there!)

Actually, that’s only three, but it’s manageable and it’s a start.

Headphones on. Audiobook or podcast on. Try to make doing it feel like a positive thing (with the audiobook) rather than a chore.

You’ve got this.

It would take him about 45 min to get here. Also he's been working long hours and been doing essays etc. He's pretty tired himself. Plus I kind of want to be on my own .

I don't know why I didn't ask. I think I was just thinking about the leak yeah uniform definitely needs to be done no matter what. I'm not actually ill it's just a lack of iron

💐 take a break for an hour feet up, watch something funny or have a nap 😴 sounds overwhelming, then write a list of what needs to be done.

Do an activity/activities for 15 mins then sit down and have a break for 15 and keep alternating it, listen to your body. Sometimes I find putting dance music on helps. I have chronic fatigue syndrome so find pacing is much easier to get tasks done. Keep adding and crossing off your list over time. I find it quite therapeutic to cross off the list.

I’m with you on this..

Ive got some hedge cuttings that need moving from the front (only to to garden bin but still seems like too much effort)

I need to bag up as many stones from the back garden path to put where the hedge cuttings have been left. That can’t be done until the weeds have been pulled from the back path and a lining put down in the front.

I need to fix the gate back on, it had. To be removed in Feb for delivery of the fridge freezer.

Move the suitcases x3, to the loft

3 loads for the wash plus 2 bedding..

general tidy up and clean plus cook tea.

This is my reduced list… this is a win if I get most done. The real list is every weekend until Christmas and then some.

Yes I need to do my back garden to. But i cant do much until the pool is put away. That will probably take a day or 2 to sort. Not full days but because I'm doing a bit at a time.

I thinking maybe I should do the stuff that can be seen like the front garden area

I have been up since 7.45 but I still have that just woke up feeling.

I just want the house to feel pleasant 😩

First of all don’t beat yourself up .Sit down make a list of the most important things. Even if you only manage a couple of things for today , that’s enough . Put a 10 min timer on and tackle on your list , your be surprised how much your get done in 10 mins then sit down for 10-20 mins or however long you need . Good enough is good enough , it doesn’t need to be perfect

We don’t have a pool so can’t give any tips, is there a way to push a side down maybe so that a lot of it spills out? Do they not have plugs in them? They would be a game changer!

Im going for front first too, however to get front finished I need to bring something from the back, which I can’t do until the weeds have been pulled. I’d like to get it done so it’s half decent over the winter months as nothing will get done once the rubbish weather kicks in.

Whats your first job? We can do it together if you like, at 11?

Is lifting those boxes easy? If so, get a uniform wash on then move the boxes.

Come back, put some music on and start getting on with the other stuff on your list.

How old are your kids? Get them to help by wiping down the bannisters and doors etc.

Sounds like you have anaemia, that is an illness though very treatable. Iron supplements and looking at what you eat will help with that. It means extreme tiredness depending on the severity. So you are poorly.

Does adult DS live quite close by? Maybe ask if they have time to do the outside stuff and let them know that you are actually unwell currently. What your ex like? Do you have a decent friendship still? Maybe he would give a hand though I understand some have as little communication as possible with their ex partners so don’t consider if any sort of an issue could arise.

Wash the uniforms.

Wipe the skirting and banisters on the stairs whilst actually sitting on the stairs. Go up backwards on your bum, and wipe as you go. Rest when you feel like it - you'll already be sitting down.

When the kids get home, have a trip to get rid of the big box. Even if they just take a corner each it might help, and it might be a giggle doing it all together.

Hope you feel better soon.

The pool drains slowly. Throw a hose.

That's a good idea I think I will do the front first. As that can be seen by the whole street. I'm gonna do that now

Just think how good you will feel in a few hours time when it's all done. X

I’ve ticked one of my jobs off… I needed to move some decorative flags on the path under the weeds… ready for me to tackle the stones.

kettle on, hedge cuttings next at half past.

I'm not actually ill it's just a lack of iron

Well you are actually. Anaemia is serious in that it can make you feel absolutely exhausted and as you say, breathless going upstairs. It's no wonder you don't feel able to drag the cardboard and polystyrene down the street.
It is an illness but one that can be treated with supplements.
It will take a while to notice an improvement but you will start to feel better.
Please don't tell yourself you're "not actually ill it's just a lack of iron" - that's kind of bashing yourself up a bit - like, "there's nothing actually wrong with me so why can't I do these things".
Acknowledge that it is an issue, that it's causing problems but that it will get better. Be kinder to yourself about it.
(I'm going through the same thing at the moment, but with me it's a severe lack of vitamin D)

Lots of people have suggested ways to structure the tasks and what to start with.
Just do one small thing which you feel you can manage, then make a cup of tea and maybe browse Mumsnet for half an hour. Then do the next small thing and put your feet up and watch one episode of a show. Then the next small thing and another "reward".
Do tiny things and it will get better.

There's no way it will be done in a few hours. Wish that was the case though

Be kind to yourself OP. You aren't well. I know what it's like, I have Hashimoto's and get tired very easily. My house is also a mess, my approach is to do a little of the most pressing tasks. Accept that you can't do everything and prioritise the most essential things to do, even if you know you can't do all of that at once. The world doesn't end because you can't, I should know after 15 years of this! 😅

Have you had your thyroid checked? Anaemia and other deficiencies can be associated with an underactive thyroid. It will make you feel like death warmed up.

I have not done it properly yet i had to go up and down to the bin area 3 times it's only 8 houses away. But I was getting out of breath. That green bag had some granite in there I'm not sure if I can pick it up. And there's a broken bed there that needs to go . I have not done that yet 😔

I know several years back when I was pregnant I had to have infusions because I could not obsorb iron. I'm not sure if that was Just a pregnancy thing or a long term thing. Gp recently told me to take folic acid. That will take a couple of weeks to kick in. Bloods redone in a few months. But year I have been struggling for years. I thought it was just normal me.

Yeah I'm trying to do a bit at a time.

Whenever washing gets on top of me I start easy. Do a couple of washes of the bulky stuff like bedding and towels, followed by hoodies/jumpers/cardi's because not many go in so they're easy to hang up. Just get some bulk gone so that you can see the wood from the trees first.

It looks like you've achieved more than me today op so well done. I can't find the motivation either, massive pmt migraine in my case so I just want to crawl back to bed.

Well done op. That makes a difference already. Can anyone else take the rest?