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Original poster

Do you ever wish you didn’t move away from home?

49 replies

Shabique · 15/09/2023 19:51

Moved away for uni at 18 and never went back to my home town. Lots of friends stayed. Tried to keep in touch but our worldview and experiences were totally different. Moved to London for a professional career. Earn 10x more than I ever would in my hometown. But I don’t have that sense of community or belonging?

Yes it’s great I can afford to fly business class but it’s the little things that matter really. No one knows who my nan is or no one happens to know my cousin.

OP posts:
Covidwoes · 15/09/2023 19:57

I moved away just before my 18th birthday, and have never lived in my hometown again! I absolutely don't regret it. I visit regularly, but that's enough for me!

Gcsunnyside23 · 15/09/2023 19:58

Same here, it's hard knowing that I can't go visit friends and family any time I want and miss out on alot. Also that I don't have a deep connection in the city I live in like I did to my town. But on the flip side I know I'm thinking in rose tinted glasses that although I genuinely miss my family I would hate living there and the "small town" ness would irritate me eventually. I think even living a bit closer would have appeased me

DelurkingAJ · 15/09/2023 19:58

No. I can see how constrained some of DSs’ friends are by the need to only spend time with their extended family and also how limiting that can be ‘oh, no, you don’t want to be a doctor as you’d have to stop once you become a Mum’ from a bright little girl’s DGM comes to mind…

Changethetoner · 15/09/2023 20:05

I don't have a home town as such. My family moved around a lot when I was a kid. My parents are dead now, and there is nowhere I'd in fact call home. I have my own family now, husband, children, and that is where I want to be.

ShadowPuppets · 15/09/2023 20:08

I moved home to the SE and feel a bit trapped - it’s nice living here but by the time parents shuffle off kids will have settled with roots and housing is so expensive. We also have jobs that are very London-centric. I wish we could move to a cheaper part of the country. It’s not always roses being at ‘home’

RenoDakota · 15/09/2023 20:12

Only really regretted it from about the age of 50. Am 60 now and going 'home' next year.

Torganer · 15/09/2023 20:12

Never regretted it at all. I see some home friends that have never lived away, are married to people they met from school, and now their children are going to the same school. Whilst some would love that, I would hate it!! I live in London, and my area has a great community, am friends with my neighbours and have friends in nearby boroughs.

TedMullins · 15/09/2023 20:13

Fuck no. I love living in London and having a luxurious life. My friends and my lifestyle are more important to me than family. I never had the big extended family in my hometown as my parents aren’t from there, and only saw aunts, uncles, cousins etc about twice a year

dramallamadingdongdo · 15/09/2023 20:13

Me too OP and whilst I don't regret it per se I do feel sad also about the lack of community and belonging. I went to an acquaintance's party for their child recently and their family all lived within about 2 square miles of each other, several friends all from primary age. The party and group had such a lovely feel and I came home quite sad that I don't have that and my children won't have that either (singling sand parents hundreds of miles away)

LindorDoubleChoc · 15/09/2023 20:14

No. I moved away to London, how could I regret that?

frozendaisy · 15/09/2023 20:15

Moved from north to south.
Not regretted it for a single moment
Will never go back if anything want to go further south, although there isn't much further left

CMOTDibbler · 15/09/2023 20:16

Similarly, I left home at 18 to go to uni and never went back. I never had any urge to move back until my parents died and I felt weird and unanchored. I don't know if it would be any better there, but at least there would be old stories to tell and people who remembered the past maybe.

Abracadabra12345 · 15/09/2023 20:31

I went to an acquaintance's party for their child recently and their family all lived within about 2 square miles

Funny how different we are because, far from drawing me, it would make me want to run! I would hate that and find it suffocating. In fact I did, being raised in a small gossipy village, and ran to London. I loved the anonymity. I'm not there now but have my own family - through the church- and friendships.

You only really got a snapshot of a nice sociable event. Maybe it wouldn't feel suffocating to you if you had stayed, who knows?

MintJulia · 15/09/2023 20:39

No.

My home town is unrecogniseable. It was a lovely little market town, now it's a congested town centre with dozens of housing estates and a major drug problem.

MammaTo · 15/09/2023 20:49

I think it depends where you’re from.

Im lucky enough to be from a busy university city, lots of people come here and stay here - so I still get the “city living” vibe.

I have all my friends from school and uni, my family are a 10 minute drive from me, I know my baby is going to grow up knowing their grandparents the way I did and he’s got about 10 friends all the same year group as him already.

It might not be as glamorous as living in London but I feel like we have a good social life/family life balance.

boomtickhouse · 15/09/2023 21:08

My parents, siblings and aunts/cousins all live within about 2 square miles.

I'm the only one who left. I think they think I'm snobby. I'm not, but I do earn significantly more than any of them and live a very different lifestyle. I am sometimes envious of their easy relationships with each other, but on balance I prefer my chosen friends

SandyPrawnCracker · 15/09/2023 21:15

I'm happy with where I live and feel at home here. I have made a good community around me. But my parents are older and needing more support and I'm too far away to be able to just pop in, or help in an emergency. A lot falls to one sibling just because they're closer. I can help with a lot of the organisation and logistics of appointments or shopping over the phone/internet. I worry about the future and the strain that visiting more often will put on my own family and me. Or the guilt I'll have for not being there

Finallybreathe · 15/09/2023 21:29

Absolutely not. Hated the town I grew up in, couldn’t wait to leave. I sometimes go back and shudder at the possibility of having to live there again.

Meowandthen · 15/09/2023 21:31

No. Moved around a lot and now live in another country.

I don’t understand people who never leave the same small town. That seems odd to me.

Itslosenotloose · 15/09/2023 21:34

Did you all live in towns?

I never left my home city. I just knew I wanted to stay close by to my parents and siblings. I went to my local Uni, work in a professional role etc. Right choice for me as family always came first. Husband was similar. Our kids have loads of cousins, aunties, uncles but I guess everyone’s priorities are different and I’ve never lived in a small town.

Also I’m a massive mummy’s girl and I would never leave her 🤣.

Nam3chang384 · 15/09/2023 21:34

No. I left at 18 and never moved back. The thought of living somewhere where everyone knows me or what my family have been up to fills me with dread. I like the anonymity of a city.

Snittler · 15/09/2023 21:37

Shabique · 15/09/2023 19:51

Moved away for uni at 18 and never went back to my home town. Lots of friends stayed. Tried to keep in touch but our worldview and experiences were totally different. Moved to London for a professional career. Earn 10x more than I ever would in my hometown. But I don’t have that sense of community or belonging?

Yes it’s great I can afford to fly business class but it’s the little things that matter really. No one knows who my nan is or no one happens to know my cousin.

Yes, often. I left at 18, small town and no opportunities and now I’m working in a city and very well paid. But I’m still jealous of those who have kept up networks they’ve known for the whole of their lives. I don’t think I’ll ever build deep relationships like that where I am now.

Mum2jenny · 15/09/2023 21:41

Never regretted moving away as there were no job opportunities near ‘home’

ThreeRingCircus · 15/09/2023 21:41

SandyPrawnCracker · 15/09/2023 21:15

I'm happy with where I live and feel at home here. I have made a good community around me. But my parents are older and needing more support and I'm too far away to be able to just pop in, or help in an emergency. A lot falls to one sibling just because they're closer. I can help with a lot of the organisation and logistics of appointments or shopping over the phone/internet. I worry about the future and the strain that visiting more often will put on my own family and me. Or the guilt I'll have for not being there

This is exactly my predicament. I like where I live and cannot imagine staying in one place because by some stroke of fate that's where I happened to be born. I love that I've lived in many different parts of the UK and live where I currently do because I've chosen it rather than because it was the default option.

However. My parents are ageing and I worry about what this means for the future. In an emergency I could jump straight in the car but it would take a minimum of 5 hours to get there. The guilt of that is very difficult and I feel my children have missed out on seeing their grandparents as regularly as I'd like them to. But I don't want to move back because of guilt, and DDs have a happy life where we are. It's tricky.

Goodornot · 15/09/2023 21:43

Flip side- I grew up in London.

I can't imagine living somewhere everyone knew my business. I like being anonymous in my own home city.