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Original poster

'that's so gay'

49 replies

TinyBuddhettes · 15/09/2023 12:25

I work with secondary-aged students and recently have been hearing this expression a lot, but I am beginning to wonder whether it's not homophobic, and I may be interpreting it wrong because of my age? Those in the know, is this expression now used by young people to say that something's just crap?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 15/09/2023 12:28

Although I see it as homophobic, I don’t think it’s actually meant that way, not specifically aimed as homophobic.

Hobbi · 15/09/2023 12:31

TinyBuddhettes · 15/09/2023 12:25

I work with secondary-aged students and recently have been hearing this expression a lot, but I am beginning to wonder whether it's not homophobic, and I may be interpreting it wrong because of my age? Those in the know, is this expression now used by young people to say that something's just crap?

I also teach young people of secondary age and above. It seems most of them can use this term in this sense while simultaneously being very switched on to homophobia and inclusivity. They also can identify when it is used as a slur and will call it out on such occasions. They're a wonder and are hopefully a future buffer against culture wars.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 15/09/2023 12:33

Hobbi · 15/09/2023 12:31

I also teach young people of secondary age and above. It seems most of them can use this term in this sense while simultaneously being very switched on to homophobia and inclusivity. They also can identify when it is used as a slur and will call it out on such occasions. They're a wonder and are hopefully a future buffer against culture wars.

Show quote history

Do you think they could find another way of saying something is crap without equating it to being gay?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/09/2023 12:35

God that phrase did the rounds when I was at school 20 yrs ago

BertieBotts · 15/09/2023 12:35

People were saying this 20 years ago when I was at secondary school, it was absolutely homophobic then, although it did not literally mean that something was "gay", the literal meaning was that it was crap or annoying, and I'm sure many people used it that way without thinking. It went along with general attitudes that a person being gay was something worthy of mockery.

Hobbi · 15/09/2023 12:36

@SurprisedWithAHorse

The best way to achieve that would be if adults started using it, although I can see why that would be problematic. I do gently remind them of its use as a slur and they mostly understand and adapt their language. It's important to point out that this includes young people of both sexes who happen to be gay themselves.

Brightandshining · 15/09/2023 12:36

I think it started out as homophobic but has lost that meaning now. It just means sad now. Uncool. Which I actually think has more to do with the original meaning of the word gay, as in cheerful and bright... an archaic word for cheerful used in a sarcastic way to mean uncool.
Anyway it doesnt matter to me because I am bisexual so I give myself permission to use this word lmao.
Whilst I still think homophpbia is alive and well in the uk, times really have changed quite a lot. I do not think its cool to be homophobic amongst school kids. At least round where I am you'd get absolutely shot down by other teens if any of them thought you were being homophobic.

Loopytiles · 15/09/2023 12:37

Homophobic still

RoseslnTheHospital · 15/09/2023 12:38

Of course it's homophobic. To equate something that is crap or undesirable as being "gay" is to infer that being gay is undesirable and crap. So lesser than being straight.

When I was teaching, I'd pull up children on each and every use of that phrase.

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 15/09/2023 12:40

I'm confused, this is is not a remotely new expression and was in use when I was at school (I'm almost 40).

It can and has always been used in the same way, as far as I'm aware. It means something is eyeroll lame. It can definitely also be offensive. The teens you're teaching now know it's just as offensive as it ever was and I'm always whinging at our lot fir saying it. A lot of the "wokery" is faux and the young generation play along because they aren't allowed not to.

GrinAndVomit · 15/09/2023 12:40

It’s the usual 2023 cognitive dissonance.

AceofPentacles · 15/09/2023 12:40

It's homophobic.

I have had many discussions with DS about this, he understands it's a slur but he's afraid that if he doesn't join in and say it, his friends will assume he is gay and bully him.

VeridicalVagabond · 15/09/2023 12:41

It was so common to say "that's so gay" in the 90's and early 00's (so much so that it was used jokingly in an episode of Doctor Who when it first came back, no one batted an eyelid at the time!)

Disappeared for a decade as people started to recognise it as offensive and it became less socially acceptable.

Inexplicably it's now making a comeback along with the colourful windbreakers and flares. I hear it a lot amongst teens again now, it's like being 16 all over again.

ohbuggar · 15/09/2023 12:43

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

BananaSlug · 15/09/2023 12:45

This has been a thing for Yeats it was used when I was in school 20 years ago.

fioritura · 15/09/2023 12:45

I only hear my gay friends say this tbh (we’re all in our 30s). I suggested we wear matching outfits to an event last night which is apparently “so gay”

Runnersandtoms · 15/09/2023 12:46

Definitely homophobic. I've seen t-shirts and similar trying to reclaim it though. Eg "sounds gay, I'm in". Nearly bought that one for my DD whose in a very lgbt friendship group.

Janedoe82 · 15/09/2023 12:49

Yes homophobic and very much meant with that intention when I was at school in the 90s

Evieanne · 15/09/2023 12:49

People at school are still homophobic to this day

ManchesterLu · 15/09/2023 12:50

If you look into the meaning, it is homophobic. However for the vast majority of people saying it, it's not MEANT as such. It's intent that decides what is/isn't homophobic. Nobody can tell people how to use words and when they can use them.

It was said at school, and meant similar to sad and uncool. Oh that's so gay etc.

As a bisexual it never offended me. People aren't saying oh my god that's as bad as being gay. It's just a phrase they've picked up.

We need to stop being so bloody touchy - and yes, as a member of the LGBT community, I feel I have the authority to say that.

Gettinagoldtoof · 15/09/2023 12:50

I remember my teacher telling me off for using it about 20 years ago - he was (is) gay. I told him it wasn’t homophobic as it was just a way of saying something is crap. He said how would someone hear who is gay hearing that feel? It really opened my stupid teenage mind up to the fact that yes, it’s an incredibly stupid and homophobic thing to say.

Homesweeethome · 15/09/2023 12:52

Brightandshining · 15/09/2023 12:36

I think it started out as homophobic but has lost that meaning now. It just means sad now. Uncool. Which I actually think has more to do with the original meaning of the word gay, as in cheerful and bright... an archaic word for cheerful used in a sarcastic way to mean uncool.
Anyway it doesnt matter to me because I am bisexual so I give myself permission to use this word lmao.
Whilst I still think homophpbia is alive and well in the uk, times really have changed quite a lot. I do not think its cool to be homophobic amongst school kids. At least round where I am you'd get absolutely shot down by other teens if any of them thought you were being homophobic.

Both my boys are gay. And they are always saying that's so gay. I could make a roast dinner and my teen can say that's so gay. Or I could say love you to them. That's so gay .

SurprisedWithAHorse · 15/09/2023 12:53

ManchesterLu · 15/09/2023 12:50

If you look into the meaning, it is homophobic. However for the vast majority of people saying it, it's not MEANT as such. It's intent that decides what is/isn't homophobic. Nobody can tell people how to use words and when they can use them.

It was said at school, and meant similar to sad and uncool. Oh that's so gay etc.

As a bisexual it never offended me. People aren't saying oh my god that's as bad as being gay. It's just a phrase they've picked up.

We need to stop being so bloody touchy - and yes, as a member of the LGBT community, I feel I have the authority to say that.

So if I think this post is a load of crap, it's OK for me to say "this post is so bi"?

peachescariad · 15/09/2023 12:53

My head of department is a 32 year old gay man. He has used 'that's so gay' many times when has been regaling a story.

Shaffas · 15/09/2023 12:53

I'm a lesbian and I say this 😂