'that's so gay'

[TinyBuddhettes]

I work with secondary-aged students and recently have been hearing this expression a lot, but I am beginning to wonder whether it's not homophobic, and I may be interpreting it wrong because of my age? Those in the know, is this expression now used by young people to say that something's just crap?

Also my teenage daughter is bi and very heavily involved in the rainbow movement with her friends, alot of they/the s and they all call stuff gay too.

You only have to watch an episode of the Inbetweeners (made in 2008) to hear that phrase. My DH used to use it all the time when we first met as teenagers (20 years ago!)- I pointed out it sounded homophobic and he promptly stopped using it. I’m really surprised it’s being used by today’s teenagers who are generally so ultra aware of issues like this!

Interesting, I was in school at the same time and where I'm from it definitely just meant "uncool/silly"

It's using a word associated with gay people to mean uncool/silly.
It might not be consciously homophobic but it might make gay people in the vicinity feel bad.
Language informs how we think and casual homophobia has an impact on whether more serious forms of homophobia are seen as ok.

9 people out of ten might not perpetuate other forms of homophobia but it makes homophobia acceptable for that other 1 person who might discriminate in the workplace or commit hate crimes.

I'm not sure why bisexual people are weighing in. The word gay doesn't refer to bisexual people. It refers to gay people.

Why are we even having this conversation any more? Yes, equating gay to bad things is homophobic. No, you can't weasel your way around it by only looking at the world from one perspective. Internalised homophobia is horrendous for teens. More than half of all people who know they are gay before 18 suffer mental health problems as adults.i thought we managed to get over this twenty years ago.

I remember my kids and their friends using it in the late 90s. "That's proper gay" was the response to everything and anything. The grew out of it eventually

It's a phrase as old as the hills. There are a lot of students who are thankfully accepting of others, while many are sadly still homophobic/transphobic/ just generally horrible to anything different - especially boys they think are acting effeminate. I had one lad shoved and called gay for carrying a pink water bottle! I have always pulled them up every single time. I don't give a toss if they don't mean it - I wouldn't go around saying 'That's so [insert ethnicity or religion]'. They sometimes get that.

I thought that saying had died out, not heard it for years!

I should add that it's not as though lots of them are homophobic/transphobic in themselves and they do usually grow out of it, but I still think educating them is important. The casual homophobia really hurt me growing up in the LGBT+ community.

It is homophobic and surprising that the expression is still used after all these years.

I suppose it's like the N word isn't it? It's offensive generally but lots of black people say it?

I'm gay and say it, my kids say it. I'm not offended, they aren't. Non of my gay friends have ever been offended by it.

So I suppose it's similar in that if you're not gay and think it's offensive don't say it. But you can't tell a gay person not to.

Same as that disabled Rosie comedian woman with the 'R' word.

Always seems to be people who aren't the demographic getting offended in behalf of the people who are (and don't actually care)

My friends son is gay & he uses this phrase & looking back to the times he’s used it (when I said I liked Sia) & when his dad was trying to convince him kickers were cool, I definitely don’t see this as just an old word with a new meaning.

I suppose it's like the N word isn't it? It's offensive generally but lots of black people say it?

It’s usually pretty obvious that they are black. It’s not always that obvious that somebody is gay.

This is so very true! Offended for others!

Not in my case. I'm a lesbian and I associate it with homophobia.

It was a very normal phrase when I was growing up in my group of friends including our gay friends and I don’t think any of us thought much about it as no offence was meant. Then I moved to a different county and said it in a social setting and those around me were horrified. I’ve not used it since. I can see how it’s offensive but I’m bisexual and don’t personally find it offensive (depends on intent imo).

When I was young "that's so gay" was definitely derogatory ie for something rubbish/uncool.

How is it not homophobic? (even if the person speaking didnt mean to be homophobic and isnt generally.)

Think it would be ok if describing something positive but even then would be worried about stereotyping so I wouldn't.

This.

It may not be intended to be actively/offensively homophobic - but it is. It quietly reinforces stereotypes.

As another writer has posted that her gay sons use the expression, mine do too. But it's between them, in an ironic way. I wouldn't say it myself.

I once worked with an older teaching colleague - she tied a boy up in knots when he used the word cock (in a derogatory/sexual way)
She went on about domestic wild fowl, what did he think, why was it relevant in the conversation, why was he describing another pupil as a male hen etc etc.

His red face said that he'd got the message.

As a language and literature bod, I would argue that language is a fluid medium which is constantly evolving and changing. The word gay had a completely different meaning in the 18th century, and the usage mentioned by OP suggests to me another reinvention of the word, but I am not down with the kids

We used to say this 35 years ago when I was at school

I haven't heard it used that way in years. was kind of hoping it had died out since I was at school. Oh well, homophobia never dies i suppose.

Definitely thought this was a thing of the past. My older kid used it when he was young before he really knew what it meant, usually towards his younger brother who wasn't a typical 'boy' boy. 'Gay' things included anything creative or intellectual. I absolutely hate the term and think it is homophobic, although thats not usually the intended meaning.

'Rapist' was doing the rounds a few years ago too, I think it was a general term for when you were being a dickhead. I overheard my son arguing with a friend about someone cheating at a game and it was 'you're lying, you're such a rapist'. I was horrified but again its just a word used by kids out of context and thankfully the phase passed quickly.

I think a catchphrase by now, along with "this is sick" (as in "wow! this is so cool it makes me sick") and all other things kids are echoing as parrots. Being repeated so many times that it has lost any proper meaning behind it. It all depends on intonation though. If something like volunteering at a bingo session is deemed "gay" then that's just "boring, lame". If someone's socks are declared "sooo gay" with a cheer - everyone likes those bright and showy socks.