Overnight personality change - anxiety in 6yo

[Bartlebum]

Over the summer my daughter appeared to develop sudden and extreme anxiety, to the point that she has returned to school a different person - the teachers, head, and club leads - everyone that knows her - have highlighted concerns.

She also keeps needing the toilet and seems anxious to go to the toilet all the time. She says it hurts. She says her head, her stomach, and her legs hurt all the time. I cannot get her to go to sleep at night, she just won't go down and can easily stay up until 9.30 - 10 arguing about bedtime, and having major uncontrollable meltdowns. She is the most sensitive and compassionate person I know, but she is also laughing at strange times, like if her baby sister hurts herself she laughs, when previously she would have comforted her. She doesn't want to go to school, clubs, rainbows - all the things she previously loved - she says she doesn't want to be away from home.

I have tried to get help for her, I have gone to the doctors who checked her for a UTI and they couldn't find signs - but gave her antibiotics just in case. They gave me guidance on anxiety, so I do the journalling, the gratitude stuff, talking it through with her, breathing exercises and mindfulness - everything they advised - but she is relentless and the anxiety seems so severe - I can't talk her out of it or reason with her. I have requested counselling through the school which they are sorting for her, but there is no triggering event we can pinpoint - and neither can she - although I appreciate she might find that difficult at such a young age.

The school head wants me to go back to the doctor, but I have called them and they said that it's not urgent, so they can't see her for another week due to being short-staffed. I think they think I am wasting their time - but with the amount of comments I have had I know it's not me being overprotective.

I wondered if anyone here had any experience of a sudden change in personality in their little ones, and what you did to help. I feel very scared right now like I don't recognise her and I want to help her get back to normal so she is happy again. I feel powerless to help because it doesn't seem to be a physical issue, I can't get treatment for her.

Any support would be appreciated.

Private therapy. Really helped me DS who was 6 at the time. Usually via drawing, writing and colouring.

We only needed 6 sessions.

Noticed an improvement after the 1st session. I got a temp second job to cover the cost and it was well worth it :)

Did something happen, any sudden changes at home, in friendship groups or in wider family?

@Dorksdirectdotcom thanks, that's good to know it quickly it made a difference. I will look into this for her.

What holy Jesus said, any changes to routine, who is she spending time with, etc?

What happened just before she changed? A traumatic event??

There is no triggering event either she or we can think of that would make the timing of the sudden change make sense.

Her grandfather died in 2020 - this seems too far back to suddenly impact when it did. Her grandmother has had a health condition for a number of years, but she sees her 3/4 times a year on her good days, so she probably doesn't really notice how sick she can be.
Her baby sister has a lifelong medical condition that requires daily management - this is over a year since diagnosis and doesn't impact her life chances or behaviour.
These are all the big things that have happened in her life, but I would have thought for this sudden extreme change, something triggering would have needed to happen near the time, and there is nothing any of us can think of - a nice summer holiday, spent with friends and family, and ending with a two week holiday she loved.

I cannot get her to go to sleep at night, she just won't go down and can easily stay up until 9.30 - 10 arguing about bedtime, and having major uncontrollable meltdowns

I know this must be stressful but until her mental health improves, just let her settle with you on the sofa with cuddles. Treat her mental health like an illness. Make it down time so it's pyjamas on, teeth brushed and find a blanket she can associate evening safety, cuddles and calm. For that period of her being tired but too anxious to sleep.

You might find she'll use that blanket for when she's ready to get into bed and it may settle her to sleep. One step at a time.

Rearrange her bedroom and get new bedding so her safe space is brand new and fresh.

I had a recurring nightmare as a kid and it didn't go away until we rearranged my bedroom!

@Dorksdirectdotcom Thanks, I think we are on the same wavelength - I have got her a weighted blanket to 'cuddle' her and a mermaid tail blanket, hopefully, one of them will help.

I have planned to clear out and rearrange her room this weekend.

I do let her stay up with me, but part of the behaviour change is that when I do that, she wakes up the younger sister or stops me from getting her down to bed. So it's been trying to get her down first and then the little one after. We had a great routine where they would all be down between 7-8pm - for years, since school started it has been taking from 6pm bath time until 10-11pm they are all asleep. We are all exhausted by it - despite my husband and I trying multiple different approaches to get back on track.

I am struggling to do everything she needs as I work FT have have two other children. I wish there was more time! :)

That sounds like a worry. Would you be able to find her some child centred counselling in your area?

@Bartlebum you're doing great! Sending you and your DD lots of love.

Look this is MN and this comes up all the time but is there any possibility of neurodivergence. DS does the inappropriate laugh thing and he knows it is inappropriate but he can’t control it. Anxiety is a huge issue in ND kids. Other things like OCD can also spell neurodivergence.

Have you looked into PANS/PANDAS?

Here

Was just going to say about the PANS/PANDAS thing but notreallysurewhattothink beat me to it. Sounds quite likely to me. ❤️

came here to suggest PANDAS as this is such a rapid change in your DC

@NotReallySureWhatToThink @Fifilafrog @somethingsomething1 I just had a call from the head teacher asking me to look into PANDAS as she had another child in the school who presented similar behaviours to my daughter and that was what it was. She said it was treatable with some medicine if so, although it sounds quite scary having a quick read of it. I haven't absorbed it all yet though. Thanks for highlighting.

I don't think my daughter is suffering from tics, OCD (although she does constantly seek reassurance), or any sensory issues, but I will keep an eye out. The other symptoms are what I have described, but it seems like the primary ones aren't there.

I have called the doctor to try and bring the appointment forward, but they said this is still not classed as urgent due to their staff shortages.

@Bartlebum OCD in children presents very differently to what we typically consider OCD. Anxiety and obsessive intrusive thoughts are clues towards OCD.

@Alleycatz thanks, I will read more into OCD then. I mean perhaps she does have that - she does have obsessive thoughts and worries - that's what I was referring to when I said I can't reason with her. But as she didn't display any obvious compulsions I didn't think it OCD. I will seek advice on that too once I get in with a doctor.

My dd had similar changes at a similar age. The quitting clubs, tantrumming to point of lying on pavement outside shops, disturbed sleep and being almost impossible to get in to school. It came back to two things, jealousy of her younger sibling (fine when sibling was a baby but around the time she was one) and her best friend moving schools.
The first situation we countered with lots of positive praise about things, posters of why she was so amazing, a worry jar etc. The second just worked out in time. She just eventually outgrew it I guess. But at the time it was scary, she would get a blank, manic stare and behave like a wild animal. We contacted a children's mental health charity who were helpful. .Can't remember the name just now...

@NotReallySureWhatToThink I was thinking exactly the same thing. I hope you're able to get to the bottom of this quickly, OP.

I do also suspect dd of being nd but not been assessed. She won't wear clothes she can 'feel', socks have to be inside out, no labels or embroidery on anything, or dresses with waistbands. She is also that child who cannot sit to eat a meal and always has to be fiddling with something else or can hyperfocus to point of not hearing the world explode.

Has she been ill? Read up on PANDAS to see if any of that might fit

@Carouselfish I don't suspect she is nd, at least she has none of the symptoms you describe.

www.panspandasuk.org/what-are-pans-and-pandas

I'm reading this with interest and sympathy OP, as DD5 is going through similar, although not as severe. She initially had symptoms last autumn, and they died away almost completely, but have returned in the last few months, and are now affecting her return to school, activities etc.
it's such a turnaround as she was always such a chilled out child (the baby who never cried!), and when she's not horribly anxious, she's such a confident bolshy little girl, it's hard to make sense of it.

As others have said, this sounds like PANDAS or something neurological. Did she have any viruses over the summer? My ex partner had an autoimmune type of encephalitis that started exactly as you've described. Good luck x