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Original poster

Failed degree and am a complete failure

147 replies

loseridiot · 10/09/2023 21:24

Hi,

Failed an OU open degree after failing the final EMA. Thought it would just mean a lower classification but it'll be a diploma. When it comes it's going straight in the bin.

Can't stop crying. Everybody always said I was useless, stupid and would never amount to anything. Wanted to prove they were wrong. They weren't. Always had minimum wage jobs as no better for anything else. Thought it might improve prospects and help others.

Hope nobody is in this position. What a waste of time and money.

OP posts:
Spinkey · 10/09/2023 23:37

You have said you can resit. So resit? It’s understandable that you feel a bit sorry for yourself right now, but you need to pull your finger out. If you need more help to understand how to improve then ask for it. Maybe request help from a different teacher? Also you can ask them to check your work multiple times before you submit it and ask for guidance.

If it helps, I fucked up my first degree too. Then my employer paid for a different degree and I aced it and stayed on to complete a PhD.

Original poster
loseridiot · 10/09/2023 23:38

Frequency thanks so so much and would be glad to do the same! Well done.

LameBorzoi thank you for making fair points.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees thanks a lot and will ask to see them. Didn't think of that. Yes it is the same question, just needs improvement.

justwatchingtelly you did it. That's what counts and well done as it's hard to take in all that information.

EbiRaisukaree thank you and well done to your husband. Will be starting therapy and hope you've never experienced that.

EbiRaisukaree keep going as there's a very long time limit. You can take years to do this.

OP posts:
Original poster
loseridiot · 10/09/2023 23:43

Calmdown14 he was luck to have you and so glad he did that.

MeAgainPeeps thanks for being so kind.

GettingStuffed please think about going back. Please. Call centre work's so hard and the abuse. I'm in a similar job in the NHS. You deserve much better.

Missedmytoe thanks so much. That's really kind and helpful.

Ivebeentogeorgia thanks for being so kind.

OP posts:
Original poster
loseridiot · 10/09/2023 23:43

Spinkey well done for doing so well.

OP posts:
givemeasunnyday · 10/09/2023 23:44

I'm sorry you didn't receive the results you were hoping for, and that you feel like this. However, you are NOT a failure, and this notion that anyone who doesn't have a degree, plus a well-paid and 'important' job is a failure annoys me no end. I don't have a diploma, never mind a degree, never went to uni and have worked for nearly 50 years in low paid office jobs. Do I consider myself a failure - no I don't, and anyone who suggested I was would get short shrift from me. There is far, far, more to life than what a (sadly) large number of people consider success. You need to dust yourself off and carry on with life, and try again if it's what you really want.

Original poster
loseridiot · 10/09/2023 23:46

givemeasunnyday you're not a failure at all having worked all that time. It was just a personal measure of success after being told it's not for "idiots like me". Other people aren't at all.

OP posts:
likepeddlesonabeach · 10/09/2023 23:47

OP you're so much further along than the millions of people who would like to try what you've set out to accomplish but have never been able to get it together to go as far as you have. Sitting an OU degree is nothing like going to do a degree straight out of school with no adult responsibilities and a brain free to focus on nothing but learning. Fitting self directed degree level study around an adult life it's an incredibly impressive achievement. I know you feel a little overwhelmed with disappointment and it's tempting to slip into negative self talk but that voice in your head is lying to you. You are the exact opposite of a failure, nobody gets as far as you have with distance learning unless they are a tenacious, driven, intelligent grafter. You've found a way to make what other people daydream about a reality, this is a blip, not the end of the road and you have earned the right to be proud of yourself. You obviously have all the tools you need to pick yourself up and go back at it again and I really hope you do resit. You owe yourself this, don't give up. x

Original poster
loseridiot · 10/09/2023 23:49

Thanks so so much to everybody who took the time to post and for the kindness which was unexpected and overwhelming. Will go to bed now so not ignoring anybody and will contact the OU tomorrow.

If anybody has been told mean things, please don't believe them. That's my message to you. It'll drag you down. Don't let it. Please.

OP posts:
givemeasunnyday · 10/09/2023 23:50

loseridiot · 10/09/2023 23:46

givemeasunnyday you're not a failure at all having worked all that time. It was just a personal measure of success after being told it's not for "idiots like me". Other people aren't at all.

Anyone who calls you an idiot is someone you need to cut out of your life - and please change your username. You have a job and you sound like a nice person, ignore anyone who tries to belittle you - they are probably jealous that you at least tried to do something you wanted to do. You can always try again, or try something different, or try nothing at all - but you are not a failure in any way.

Original poster
loseridiot · 10/09/2023 23:53

likepeddlesonabeach thank you for being so kind and hope your life is everything you deserve :)

givemeasunnyday thanks a lot and they aren't any longer. They're referred to as "ex-family". Hope you've never experienced this.

OP posts:
adriftinadenofvipers · 11/09/2023 00:08

Listen girl, you need to pick yourself up. (Sorry you had such hateful 'parents'; let them stew in their own bile!)

You are not a failure - not at all! How much work have you put into this? Do not waste that! There's always options! Back in olden time when I did my primary degree, you were not allowed to resit anything. Harsh.

I know you said your tutor was good but I don't agree. A good tutor would have kept you on the right track. While I was working on my MSc dissertation, I met my tutor around once a month, and she gave me feedback on what I'd written so far, and discussed ideas to make it better. You don't seem to have received that support, and studying so independently as you do with OU, that feedback and advice is even more crucial, I'd have thought.

Didn't you have a module on research methods/how to structure a dissertation? We were given lots of guidance on referencing, bibliography etc. Ask for that.

You have the bones of the thing. Put some more meat on them. Follow all the conventions associated with a dissertation and submit it again - maybe ask for a different tutor this time.

You can do it!! YOU ARE VERY NEARLY THERE!!!

Teatimebrioche · 11/09/2023 01:07

I’m so glad that you’ve taken the comments on board.
Believe it or not, it takes
a real strength of character to be able to move through such longterm programming of being made to feel worthless, and to be able to step back and create that small bit of space to think, fuck it I’m going to bloody do this! It shows resilience.
Focus on what needs to be done and take it one step at a time but keep moving forward. As others have said, get proper advice from your tutor or try to find a more suitable one to guide you. You might not believe this yet, but you deserve your degree. You’re obviously well capable of it - it’s not like you’ve been scraping a pass on each module!
When the time comes and you get your degree, you absolutely deserve to enjoy your graduation too, it’s a huge achievement and the self discipline required to do an OU degree is something not everyone could manage.

i also wanted to add that I really admire you taking the time to encourage other people with their own studies and achievements even in the face of your own disappointment. It’s a really lovely trait to want other people to do well.
i wish you the best of luck and hope to read an update sometime that you obtained your degree.

Finally, when the dust has settled consider EMDR therapy to help with the negative beliefs that you’ve unfortunately learned and had to endure over the years.

Hawkins0009 · 11/09/2023 01:12

Believe in yourself op, @loseridiot you could for example be perfect and still some would critique that perspective.

Hawkins0009 · 11/09/2023 01:12

Keep trying each and every day. We only fail when we give up,

Choux · 11/09/2023 01:15

Your posts on this thread are so kind and supportive. To everyone except yourself. Your ex-parents must have done a real number on your self esteem. I'm sorry because no one deserves that during their formative years.

My 13 year old goddaughter has a sign on her wall: FAIL = First Attempt In Learning. You wrote your first ever EMA and it was only 7 marks off getting you a degree - that's really good. With a bit more editing, more citations etc you will get those 7 marks and be a graduate. It's so within your grasp now and then you will have proven that little voice of doubt in your head wrong because you CAN do it and you will have done it. You go girl!

sashh · 11/09/2023 02:10

Resit it, either the module or the year.

You have done SO MUCH work it's a shame to not finish it.

You could swap to Social Science (Psychology) and do some different modules.

Thistlelass · 11/09/2023 04:15

Me again. Your marks have generally been at an excellent level! You really must get your head around this and resit. It is possible, and understandable, you are so upset that you are not fully taken in what your tutor is saying. Is there a counselling service you can access? I honestly think you should plough on xx

pompomdaisy · 11/09/2023 05:50

I once did part of an OU degree and everyone told me it's the hardest way to study. I didn't complete the whole degree but went onto do do a degree and masters elsewhere. Get up dust yourself off and apply to a bricks and mortar university.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 11/09/2023 06:42

Glad you are going to resit. Sometimes we just have to process a disappointment before we decide how to carry on. Even getting angry at someone who is not being supportive can be a way to move forward.

I'm sorry your confidence was so damaged when you were younger, you are so kind and encouraging to others. There are lots of different paths to reach your goal. I hope you will change your username when you come back to tell us you have graduated. There may be other obstacles to overcome but that's how you learn and become stronger, not by doing things that are easy

givemeasunnyday · 11/09/2023 07:41

loseridiot · 10/09/2023 23:53

likepeddlesonabeach thank you for being so kind and hope your life is everything you deserve :)

givemeasunnyday thanks a lot and they aren't any longer. They're referred to as "ex-family". Hope you've never experienced this.

Edited

Never, thank goodness. The more I read about some people's families on MN the more thankful I am for my own - not that I have any close family now, there's only me!

Newestname002 · 11/09/2023 10:31

@loseridiot

OP some people, sadly often the people you'd think like/love you and would be natural supporters, knock you down because of their own inadequacies and their hatred of the tall poppy, ie those looking to better themselves beyond their family or friends' abilities or aspirations for themselves. Eg: Why is what they did not good enough for you?

I'm so glad you've received such good advice and support here from other posters and you are already sounding stronger and more positive. You absolutely deserve to live the life you want and deserve and are working hard towards.

I also agree, as well as changing your mindset to the positive you should change your user name too and stay away from anyone who tries to sabotage you. Keep going and my best wishes for a happier future. 🌹

sunshineonroses · 11/09/2023 11:29

I haven't done an OU degree so I don't know all the ins and outs, but I have failed a dissertation, so that's one thing I can talk about.
Id had an absolute nightmare with everything. I handed it in just before closing, poorly written and well over the word count. I still get so stressed thinking about it, my heart races and I feel faint. Then when I got my result and realised I had failed was one of the darkest days of my life. I felt depressed, embarrassed and stupid. I know exactly how you are feeling. 💐
Please don't bin your diploma. Others are saying you can redo it, so try again. You are not a failure no matter what your grade.

SummerSazz · 11/09/2023 12:58

@loseridiot - not sure if anyone else has said this as it's a long thread with great support!

My kids primary school had big FAIL posters up. This was to say that a FAIL is simply a First Attempt in Learning.

7 points isn't too much to bring your score up and I'm sure you'll be fine with some extra guidance and support from your tutor.

Good luck with your resit 👍

Itslosenotloose · 11/09/2023 14:11

@loseridiot

I never once said you shouldn’t feel upset so stop putting words into my mouth. I said you should ideally look into resitting and that I myself had known people who were doing exactly the same right now with their final EMA.

I was very grumpy during my final year and I came on here to ask if this was a normal reaction and someone gave an incredible piece of advice and it went something like this.

Many people undertake OU study as a way to prove to themselves that they matter, that they can do it and are worthy. Many people studying OU degrees have faced huge barriers and disadvantages in their lives and I myself was no different. I left school with zero GCSEs etc etc etc. Someone told me on here that achieveing an OU degree is brilliant but that ultimately it won’t cure you of feelings of worthlessness and inferiority. And guess what? It’s true.

Im thrilled actually that I’ve managed to finish with a 2:1 but and it’s a big BUT. I now feel like some sort of fraud for doing it this way. I know I’m not of course, and I have things to work on. But an OU degree isn’t the be all and end all. I nearly did press that self destruct button at the end but I’m bloody glad I never.

So yes feel the disappointment but you know deep down you will have to get your head in the game and resit this. Just don’t expect for your feelings to magically change though once that degree certificate comes through your door.

Fluffyhoglets · 11/09/2023 14:28

I know why you are upset but to have actually nearly completed an OU degree while working is an amazing achievement in itself. I once had to do some exams while working and it was the hardest thing ever I have had to do. I only just scraped a pass.
So please don't be so down on yourself about this set back - you've achieved alot by getting as far as this.

From your posts it seems you've not had the people who should support you doing that in the past so struggle with self worth- so I hope posting here has helped. And good luck with the re-sit.