Work

[TD7]

A few weeks ago one of my work colleagues asked if they could borrow my pen …one of my pens had already gone missing so I said no then I said ok as long as you put it back he put it back and then all afternoon he kept laughing at me I said what are you laughing he said you will find out very soon my anxiety was through the roof as I suffer very badly with it ….later on when I went to use my pen it was gone I went out to the kitchen and lost my shit i accused this guy of taking it as he had been winding me up all afternoon….a few days later someone had called speak up anonymously and reported me an investigation took place I was so I’ll over it I had to see a dr anyway all was sorted I’m getting help for anxiety to handle myself better ..anyway after 6 weeks off I’m back to work been back for 3 days and when I went to put my work shoes on I noticed they were dirty …I polish mine every day OCD …anyway long story short one of my work colleagues came in later saying I’m sure someone else has my she’s as these are feeling different I said arrr I think there has been a mix up let’s go to the changing room to swop back ..with that the assistant manager came into the changing room and spoke in an aggressive manner saying I’m sick of this it’s not you dinner time for 3 minutes I was so taken aback and said calm down I’m not taking dinner there has been a mix up with shoes she stormed off … now here’s the thing this is no different from how I lost my shit ..I’ve been anxious all weekend over this and it has set me back but the manager and assistant manager are friends and I don’t know how to approach it ……HELP

because my work colleague had to be at a briefing and I was going out and for the record I felt so anxious I only took 20 mins dinner instead of 30 I see a lot more going on than me taking 3 minutes early although that wasn’t my intention

I’m not questioning your work ethic. You can have a good work ethic but not be in the right frame of mind to work. 6 weeks ago you lost your shit, your words, over someone taking your pen. You left your work area and went to the break room to seek this person out to lose your shit at them. You lost your shit so badly that someone reported you. You’ve been on holiday for 2 weeks, if I’ve read that correctly, so on sick for 4 weeks? I’m not doubting why you were in the break room but from an outside perspective, the assistant manager’s, you are back for 3 days after losing your shit so badly and then going off before your break for changing your shoes with a colleague. From the assistant manager’s perspective, they are probably wondering what the hell you are doing. You know what you’re doing and you’ve explained to us but the assistant manager has someone who has just come back from being away for 6 weeks and is in the break room before their allotted time. You left your work station, presumably not in your break time, before to lose your shit at a colleague over a pen. So here you are, 3 days back, not where you’re meant to be and complaining about your shoes. It seems like there’s similarities between each incident and they could well have been concerned that circumstances were about to repeat themselves. The assistant manager jumped to a conclusion but it’s not an unreasonable leap.

If you think the assistant manager’s reaction was over the top, report it. As everyone else has said. You’re arguing with posters that we aren’t getting it but there is only one thing to do - report it if you think it was an overreaction. What other suggestion can we offer? You can’t confront them, that really isn’t going to go down well.

No no no I haven’t been on the sick for ant amount of time I haven’t had a sick day in 18 years we were on scholl holidays and I didn’t argue about the shoes we both laughed actually because we mixed each others shoes up the point I’m making is about how I was spoken too as when I shouted it wasn’t except able quite right too and I’m getting help with my anxiety as I keep saying I just wanted peoples opinions about the way I have been shouted at

This. It's good advice.

Wow I’ve just read that agin I didn’t seek anyone out read it properly we both went to the changing room to swop she’s there was no conflict at all

To swop shoes there was no conflict at all

I think there is more to this and I wonder if the shoe thing was just a long line of issues that your manager has had with you

Wow that just isn’t true

I think people were misunderstanding you because your OP was hard to follow, you clearly wrote it in a very agitated state. Very long, confusing sentences. However your tone to people trying to clarify the situation is very telling.

I think I would be genuinely quite scared of working with someone behaving like you were. Can you take some time off until you are feeling better?

I hope you get some answers soon

Oh sweet Jesus.

The first incident 6 weeks ago, when you lost your shit, you left your work area to find a colleague and have a go at them for taking your pen. You said you left your desk and went to the break room to accuse them and lost your shit. You sought that colleague out to have a go at them. You absolutely did seek them out. You were reported for that.

Now, picture you are the assistant manager. Six weeks ago, someone you supervise left their desk to go to the break room and accuse someone of taking their pen. Losing their shit to the extent that someone felt they had to report them. They haven’t been around since then. They are back for 3 days and they aren’t at their work station/desk where they are meant to be. You’ve probably been told to watch them carefully because they lost their shit and needed reporting. You go to find them in the changing room before they should be with a colleague. The assistant manager has jumped to a conclusion that history is repeating itself. You feel it’s an unfair conclusion because you are joking with colleague in the changing room and know why you’re in there. The assistant manager doesn’t and more to the point, if they’ve been told to keep an eye on you, you’ve disappeared and are alone with another colleague in the changing rooms when you should be at your work - it’s their neck on the line if you lose your shit again. When you start complaining about the wrong shoes, it is easy to see a pattern repeating. They don’t know you won’t lose your shit again because nobody would have expected you to lose your shit in the first instance 6 weeks ago. They jumped to conclusion and likely overreacted.

People’s opinions on the assistant manager shouting at you is to report it. But that doesn’t seem to be the answer you want so I’m really lost. I don’t know what else you expect to happen. What scenario makes you feel better?

Some bits don't add up.

If you work in a school op why do you have a uniform?

If you are a dinner lady why do you have a desk and pens?

How do you work 50 hours a week as stated above but if you wear a uniform, how are you a teacher?

If you were a teacher you would have been in over the holidays.

What role in a school has a manager and assistant manager but has uniforms and changing rooms?

Also, why do you need to go to a changing room to swap shoes? Surely you just do where you're standing?

You approach it by getting on with your fucking work.

So what your assistant manager spoke to you aggressively. You lost your shit at someone over a pen. Utterly childish.

Either report it or get over it.

Here is your full list of options:

1). You approach Assistant Manager on Monday morning. You say you recognise why it looked wrong that you were in the changing rooms before your break time given what happened before the school holidays. You are getting help for your anxiety, you recognise what you did was wrong and are working to address that. An incident like the one that happened before the school holidays won’t happen again. This option means you need to admit why the Assistant Manager would jump to that conclusion, which you don’t seem willing to do. The Assistant Manager also may not trust you, at least not initially.

2). You ignore how Assistant Manager reacted and if they overreact again, report. This also seems unlikely given the agitated state you’re in and that you’ve been dwelling on this all weekend. I think the Assistant Manager doesn’t trust you and will be paying close attention to you and this could spike your anxiety.

3). You report the assistant manager. Senior management have a word with them and nothing more happens. Which is what you experienced.

4). You report Assistant Manager but want them sacked. This is only a possibility if you are also prepared to be sacked because you’ve done the same offence.

5). You go in and lose your shit at Assistant Manager. This is definitely going to result in you getting the sack.

6). You quit your job. You risk the incident from before the school holidays being highlighted to a new employer and you risk making your anxiety worse as you try to find a new job.

I think the only viable option is option 3 - report the assistant manager.

Every assistant mangager I've had has shouted at me once or twice over small things. They are being watched at how they mangae things and they are under pressure themselves to do their job. I would try and brush it off.

Shouting at people is not appropriate in the workplace. It's not an acceptable way to speak to people.

I say shouting I don't mean a raised voice. I mean telling me I've done something wrong, when it was a very minor thing

I have not missed any point. You lose your shit easily and need to address this
All the she said,she did does not address you have a low threshold for anger and you feel got at
This isn’t about shoes,managers or she said it’s about you. the common factor is you and your response. Undoubtedly there will be other managers,other shoes other reasons someone else makes you react
You come across impulsive and with an immediacy to act. You could have waited 3 minutes until lunch. You didn’t
I genuinely wish you well and hope you get the support you need to regulate your reactions and responses

I am pretty sure I read this exact story a maybe 2/3 months ago?

If I were you, I'd go in tomorrow and behave as if nothing had happened. The assistant manager is likely to either be embarrassed at how they reacted or determined to keep a close eye on how you are around other people.

Show the team that you're ready to work and are seeking help for your outbursts.