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Original poster

How do YOU not worry about the future/unknown?

40 replies

SeekingAnswers12 · 08/09/2023 18:59

Just want to know how you personally deal with times in your life where you don't know what the outcome will be? E.g. awaiting results regarding health, or not knowing how something will turn out in a years time

If you are able to live in the present moment, how did you learn to do that or have you always been that way?

OP posts:
IvorTheEngineDriver · 08/09/2023 19:09

"Will worrying make the outcome any better? No. So why do it?"

I repeat this to myself as often as necessary.

MintJulia · 08/09/2023 19:10

I was diagnosed with BC two years ago. I've got another three years before the NHS will assume I don't need any more treatment, and I'll never really know if it will come back in the future.

But I've read up on all the advice. I know what I have to do to give myself the best chance and I'm doing it. Lots of exercise, wide variety of fruit & veg, regular checks, avoid the unhealthy stuff, take the medication daily.

I'm doing all I can, I feel well, and I can't spend the rest of my life worrying about it, or I might ruin my life even if there is nothing wrong. I feel healthier than I have ever been. And if ever I don't want to get out of bed and go for a run, I think of it as 'every run buys me another day with my DS', and then it isn't hard at all.

I'll enjoy each day at a time. 😊

forallthelove · 08/09/2023 19:14

I don't cope. I'm such a worrier. If I have to wait for test results (even for a close family member not necessarily myself) if an uncertain world event is happening, any thing and I worry to the point I have had to take medication but it doesn't seem to help

ughnooo · 08/09/2023 19:18

I go through phases of worry and phases of not. I find diet affects mine massively. To an extent if you’re a worrier I think no matter what intervention, help and support you get, your brain is always wired up a bit that way.
I find counting the small interactions help me to stay present. Find something purposeful in every day.

eandz13 · 08/09/2023 19:19

Honestly, the soundest advice I've ever received, about 10 years ago, was from a really drunk woman in a country pub, and it was "worrying about it only puts you through it twice".
I have lived by it since.

SecretShambles · 08/09/2023 19:46

I'm terrible at being on tenterhooks

I find defensive pessimism works a little eg if waiting to see if I get a job, convince myself that it'll all turn out to be bullshit if I get it, like all the other ones were.

But really, nothing works and I can drive myself crazy with 'maybe'

elQuintoConyo · 08/09/2023 20:56

I can compartmentalise, although I don't know if it's a good or bad trait. I basically refuse to worry about it until the end result.
It feels a bit fingers-in-ears "la la la, not listening!" But then I can deal with it when the shit finally hits the fan.
It's got me through some tough times.

thistimelastweek · 08/09/2023 21:00

Don't borrow trouble it will come soon enough.

Echobelly · 08/09/2023 21:08

I am not great at dealing with things being up in the air, but at those times I find a useful thought is 'Worry won't help, so don't worry', and if necessary just repeating 'worry won't help, worry won't help' in my mind when intrusive thoughts pop into my head that does crowd it out eventually.

Notsandwiches · 08/09/2023 21:17

I had quite a long period of very high stress which manifested physically to the point where I was tested for MS and a whole host of other things. All tests negative but I still had all the symptoms. I convinced myself I had some rare incurable disease and was terrified about what my future looked like. Gradually however I started interrupting my intrusive thoughts with "yes but I'm ok today". Repeating this, time after time, eventually slowed down and stopped the thoughts and 90% of my physical symptoms have disappeared.

Watchthedoormat · 08/09/2023 21:17

Give your worry a name.
Mine is called Geoffrey.
Think of a really annoying person.
You don't give them the time of day. You wouldn't waste your energy conversing with them.
When Geoffrey appears I avoid him. Take myself out of the situation and rise above his mutterings. Geoffrey knows shit all. Who on earth listens to Geoffrey. The loser.

Here4thechocs · 08/09/2023 21:21

“…which of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life …?”

I try to live by this , knowing worrying solves nothing.

Acinonyx2 · 08/09/2023 21:48

I think about the worst that can happen - and no matter what that is - I know that if it happens I will have just to live through it (or others will) and that's that. I find that helpful although it might not sound like it.

I have been through cancer quite recently and my current prognosis is c50-50 to 5 years. Dh also has serious health problems. We have a dd18 (thankfully not younger). I do worry - mainly on her behalf. We might both die next week. Work/money has been a bit spotty too.

But - worry is like a rocking chair - it keeps you busy but doesn't get you any where.

I flip flop - moments of high anxiety - but it's exhausting and I prefer to just live my life in the moment although anxiety catches up regularly. But fundamentally - I don't want to be driven by anxiety - I think for me that's the keynote.

PerfectMatch · 08/09/2023 21:51

Sometimes I think you have to face the thing you're worried about, sit with it for a while, and then put it behind you and get on with your life. I find that brushing things under the carpet and pretending there's nothing wrong makes it worse.

gartring · 08/09/2023 21:51

I have never been much of a worrier. I see no sense in it and I find anxious people a bit tiresome. Things will happen or they won't, and worrying about them will not make any difference either way, so it's pointless wasting headspace on it.

sezzer87 · 08/09/2023 21:52

I'm a worrier but it gets worse and then better again. I find focusing on positive future goals and plans helps. For example at the moment I'm preparing to do a law degree and looking for our next holiday. Also being out in nature is really calming I find, so I try to go for a walk in the forest or by the beach several times a week, usually in the evening to calm me before bed.
Also laughter lots of comedy films and stand ups, watch movies from your child.
No point worrying now, if something bad happens you deal with then, but for now you live!

ShellySarah · 08/09/2023 21:52

I often tell myself there's nothing I can do about right now...

Because there isn't.

Lulubo1 · 08/09/2023 21:53

I had postnatal anxiety and ended up having therapy and psychology. The psychology uncovered that I have always experienced anxiety (especially with the future and unknown) but I didn't realise it. In the psychology, I learnt a "worry tree" how the worrying affects me and what can I do about it. I say to myself that "worry is an over-exaggerated concern for the future" or I think "can I do anything about this right now?" If not, I imagine me putting the worry in a box with a timer and I tell myself I won't think about the worry until the next morning at 9am and I stop thinking about it (took work to do this). When the next morning comes, I ask again "can I do a thing about this right now" if I can, I deal with it. If not, I put it aside again. These are just my coping mechanisms.

JCWiatt · 08/09/2023 21:55

Watchthedoormat · 08/09/2023 21:17

Give your worry a name.
Mine is called Geoffrey.
Think of a really annoying person.
You don't give them the time of day. You wouldn't waste your energy conversing with them.
When Geoffrey appears I avoid him. Take myself out of the situation and rise above his mutterings. Geoffrey knows shit all. Who on earth listens to Geoffrey. The loser.

Love this!

RubyRubyRubyRubay · 08/09/2023 21:57

If it wasn't one thing it would be something else. Everyone goes through difficult shit. You got to keep carrying on and make the best of it. Also - the stress of worrying can make you ill and that wouldn't do would it?

Just try and keep all your basic needs met and stay safe.

Life's a rollercoaster - no-one escapes the ups and downs, but we all have each other.

Ratfinkstinkypink · 08/09/2023 22:08

Living through my husband's cancer taught me that worrying about something changes nothing, if anything it just makes things harder. Lying awake at 3 in the morning changed nothing and it just made life harder, worrying about it didn't make it better, it made it harder. Sadly he didn't get a happy ever after but he did show me what it meant to live in the moment.

ThreeRingCircus · 08/09/2023 22:13

If the thing that I am worrying about happens, I will still have to deal with it. Worrying will have done nothing to help me, it will only have wasted my time on anxiety when I could have been living and enjoying myself. I don't want that regret so I remind myself of this and repeat as much as I need to when I find my worry spiralling.

PinkRoses1245 · 08/09/2023 22:17

IvorTheEngineDriver · 08/09/2023 19:09

"Will worrying make the outcome any better? No. So why do it?"

I repeat this to myself as often as necessary.

This! Worrying can’t change anything. What happens will happen.

fourlambbhunas · 08/09/2023 22:20

I tied myself in knots for so long always worrying about the future and always thinking the worst case scenario was going to happen. I found a low dose of ssri has taken it away completely. I'm a different person x

User65412 · 08/09/2023 22:25

I struggle with this but read the famous stop worrying and start living book and it talks about thinking about the outcomes in detail and what that would mean, what next steps would be. So facing up to the worst case scenario basically, then shelving it until you know. But the idea is that often the worst case scenario isn't a bad as you think. In more detail than that obviously!