Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Was this weird, or am I overthinking?

30 replies

NoRoomForALittleOne · 07/09/2023 09:31

I live 300 miles away from my parents and siblings. I thought that my parents might visit when it was my 40th as they had talked about it but they decided not to. I couldn’t visit them on the day because it was term time and I wasn’t going to be away from my children on my birthday. When I FaceTimed my mum on my birthday, all of the rest of my family were having a ‘party tea’ to celebrate my 40th. I didn’t know that’s what they were going to do and I was really upset. They weren’t going to tell me about it, I only found out because I FaceTimed whilst they were all together. It felt weird them celebrating all together because of me but without having me there. I was really upset on the day but I can’t put into words why I felt so upset. So, was it weird? Or am I overthinking it?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 07/09/2023 09:33

I think it's very strange they were celebrating your birthday but didn't even inform you of it. They could have easily included you remotely via FaceTime. That's very odd.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/09/2023 09:34

And I'm so sorry you're upset. I imagine that you feel bizarrely excluded.

YourNameGoesHere · 07/09/2023 09:35

So they had all the rest of the family round to celebrate your 40th without you or your children being there. Yeah that's really weird and would make me sad. How can you celebrate someone's birthday and not have them at the party? I'd be disappointed they didn't visit you.

TibetanTerrah · 07/09/2023 09:35

Its quite sweet they would have a get together "in your honour" but its weird AF to hide it from you!!

WeeOrcadian · 07/09/2023 09:35

I think it was weird - celebrating your birthday without you

I can see why you're upset

thecatinthetwat · 07/09/2023 09:35

It would make sense if the FaceTime was planned and they were there to celebrate with you virtually. But otherwise, that does seem quite weird.

GLORIAGloriarse · 07/09/2023 09:40

That sounds odd to me- it would have made sense to have a tea party for you with you joining remotely if they're all nearby and you couldn't get together but to plan to celebrate without telling you is pretty strange. Is there history for leaving you out? Maybe it was a spontaneous and low key thing, raising glass an opening a few snacks in your absence rather than an advance plan?

sodthesodoff · 07/09/2023 09:44

So if you hadn't have FaceTimed them you'd never have known? That's not a party in your honour that's a party excluding you

Honestly it's odd. What excuse did they have for not visiting?

Olika · 07/09/2023 09:47

That's weird

LivLongAndProsper · 07/09/2023 09:48

Yes. It's pretty weird. I'm struggling to understand what the hell they were thinking! For context though, my family dont really do birthdays, big or small and I live on a different land mass from them.

I'm assuming your family (and you) are really "into" birthdays? If so, why didn't they just do it when you could be there?

BorrowedThyme · 07/09/2023 09:49

well, they were all there when you face times, so was it planned like that? so you would see everybody when you face timed your mum?

ImGoingThroughChanges · 07/09/2023 09:50

Very weird. Are you a ghost?

YourNameGoesHere · 07/09/2023 09:50

BorrowedThyme · 07/09/2023 09:49

well, they were all there when you face times, so was it planned like that? so you would see everybody when you face timed your mum?

It sounds like they didn't know the OP would be face timing them so that wasn't the intent behind the gathering.

Summerslimtime · 07/09/2023 09:51

It's completely shit, op, and they should have made the effort to see you at some point to celebrate- even if you met half way.

MyFetch · 07/09/2023 09:52

It’s quite weird to have a remote birthday celebration without informing the birthday person, but I don’t think I’d find it ‘upsetting’, just quite strange. But I don’t think I saw my parents or my siblings on my 40th or 50th birthdays, either. Cards are fine by me.

Original poster
NoRoomForALittleOne · 07/09/2023 09:55

No, the FaceTime wasn’t planned. Normally we phone each other but I thought it would be nice to see my parents so FaceTimed on the spur of the moment. I think my mum had planned to phone me later when everyone had gone.

OP posts:
coffeeisthebest · 07/09/2023 10:01

That is really odd OP. I would be disturbed that they had planned it and that not a single one of them told me about it. I agree, it's like you are a ghost.

sodthesodoff · 07/09/2023 10:02

NoRoomForALittleOne · 07/09/2023 09:55

No, the FaceTime wasn’t planned. Normally we phone each other but I thought it would be nice to see my parents so FaceTimed on the spur of the moment. I think my mum had planned to phone me later when everyone had gone.

So that's not in your honour. You caught them celebrating. Not they involved you in any way

Was there anything obvious about it that it was for your birthday. Or was it more likely they were just having a party and they SAID it was in your honour?

Honestly they sound shite either way

Original poster
NoRoomForALittleOne · 07/09/2023 11:26

When I got off the call, DH said that maybe they were just all meeting up for a meal and not to get too upset. Then mum messaged to tell me that she was upset about something that had happened between family members whilst they were celebrating my birthday. So it was definitely something to celebrate my birthday without me there.

OP posts:
sodthesodoff · 07/09/2023 11:35

NoRoomForALittleOne · 07/09/2023 11:26

When I got off the call, DH said that maybe they were just all meeting up for a meal and not to get too upset. Then mum messaged to tell me that she was upset about something that had happened between family members whilst they were celebrating my birthday. So it was definitely something to celebrate my birthday without me there.

What? She rang you because she was upset. So on your birthday she wanted you to comfort her because of something that happened at the party you weren't invited to?

Also my point is are they just saying it was for your birthday. How was it actually different to just getting everyone together?

Was there a banner for you? Cake for you? Hell you're not even there, they didn't tell you about it, they weren't going to call you during it and the only way you knew was because you made the effort to call them. how is it for YOU?

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 07/09/2023 12:10

That’s bloody weird, and I’d be upset, too.

AnxiousPangolin · 07/09/2023 12:14

That’s really weird and I would be upset too.

anxiousatnight · 07/09/2023 12:17

That's so strange!

I could maybe understand it if there was some reason they could visit you so said they'd have a party all together, raise a glass to you and FaceTime you so it felt like they'd celebrated you even if you couldn't be together in person, but the fact that they didn't tell you is bizarre!

Original poster
NoRoomForALittleOne · 07/09/2023 12:53

The family don’t get together very often so it was A Thing. They had a birthday cake without me. And yes, my mum wanted me to console her because she was upset about something that a family member did during the get together and “all I wanted to do was have a nice time celebrating your birthday”.

OP posts:
sodthesodoff · 07/09/2023 13:35

NoRoomForALittleOne · 07/09/2023 12:53

The family don’t get together very often so it was A Thing. They had a birthday cake without me. And yes, my mum wanted me to console her because she was upset about something that a family member did during the get together and “all I wanted to do was have a nice time celebrating your birthday”.

That makes it even weirder. They all got together especially. And didn't plan to call you?

It would make marginally more sense if they rang you to say hey we're all here thinking of you etc

But they didn't. You wouldn't even have known about it.

I actually find it more telling she rings you because SHE'S upset and wants you to console her. Like you're not allowed to be upset. She's upset now.

Has it always been a bit like this in your family?