Was this weird, or am I overthinking?

[NoRoomForALittleOne]

I live 300 miles away from my parents and siblings. I thought that my parents might visit when it was my 40th as they had talked about it but they decided not to. I couldn’t visit them on the day because it was term time and I wasn’t going to be away from my children on my birthday. When I FaceTimed my mum on my birthday, all of the rest of my family were having a ‘party tea’ to celebrate my 40th. I didn’t know that’s what they were going to do and I was really upset. They weren’t going to tell me about it, I only found out because I FaceTimed whilst they were all together. It felt weird them celebrating all together because of me but without having me there. I was really upset on the day but I can’t put into words why I felt so upset. So, was it weird? Or am I overthinking it?

Gosh that is weird and unsettling and upsetting and yes, I’ll say again, weird!

Firstly, thank you to everyone who has taken time to reply. I was worried that I was being selfish and should have been grateful that they thought to celebrate me even when I wasn’t there. I’ve been processing a lot of stuff today (first day in an empty house for ten weeks and my brain dredges everything up). It is typical behaviour from my mother to want me to care for her emotionally when something is going on in my life E.g. when I discovered that contraception had failed and I was pregnant when it was potentially risky for me, it was all about her feelings and “I can’t go through this”. My dad normally stands on the side lines and criticises everything that I’m doing so I don’t even bother going to him for emotional support.

The latest thing that I’ve struggled with is my mum offering to travel up and look after our children while I attend a specialist surgical appointment on the other side of the country and then deciding that actually she won’t come because she doesn’t want to because she goes on holiday the following week. She’s told my siblings that I’m going for a “routine check up” and “it’s all fine”. I don’t expect her to help and know that it would always be on her terms anyway. But, after the whole weird birthday thing, I’m feeling like I’m only acceptable to my family when I’m not physically there.

Sorry but your mother sounds absolutely dreadful.

Don’t pander to her she’s a selfish A-Hole and probably jealous of you in some way!!!

Do your utmost to live your best life and do let her know it!

It really is peculiar tbh

@NoRoomForALittleOne

I'm sorry. I think sometimes it just takes one incident to unravel a lot of other things.

I see a lot of your mother in mine. She is emotionally stunted. Every crisis becomes her crisis. Her emotions are the only ones that count. She is only happy when things are done her way. It's exhausting.

I see you've moved quite far away. Maybe the distance will be a blessing. I certainly wouldn't be making an effort to go and see her.

Does she treat your siblings in the same way or just you? Often there's a scapegoat. It tends to be the most empathetic person. So if anything I think it's a compliment.

There's a few threads here. I'd recommend the stately homes one. Lots of knowledgeable and understanding people. Hope some of this makes sense and helps