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Original poster

It's my birthday tomorrow, I'm sat in bed crying

36 replies

Antelope100 · 07/09/2023 00:31

I'll be 44. DH has got me nothing, he never does unless I buy it. I've not bothered this year. Why should I buy it (joint account). My mum has been a bit shitty on the phone tonight because I've not given her any ideas for a gift. The kitchen is a total shit pit and I'll have to sort it tomorrow. DH has come home drunk, which I expected tonight, but its the kind of drunk where he's trying to hug me but accidentally elbows me in the face, several times. He tries to be sexy in bed but I feel literally like a cheap piece of meat being groped. Im menopausal too which doesn't help and means I cry at anything and everything

OP posts:
TheCrystalPalace · 07/09/2023 00:35

Or, maybe you're crying because that all is absolutely a bit shit! I'd be crying too, menopause or not.
Happy birthday to you! CakeFlowers

TheCrystalPalace · 07/09/2023 00:36

Have you ever told him it upsets you that he doesn't celebrate your birthday? That you want him to make the effort to give you something that he thinks you'll like?
What do you do for his birthday?

Stella123456 · 07/09/2023 00:36

Happy birthday! If he’s always drunk maybe time to move on.

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Greensleeves · 07/09/2023 00:37

I'm so sorry, you deserve better. Happy birthday from me 🎂🎁 and I hope tomorrow is better than tonight has been. Don't clean the kitchen on your birthday. Leave the miserable sod to it and do something for yourself.

Bomba · 07/09/2023 00:41

"but its the kind of drunk where he's trying to hug me but accidentally elbows me in the face"

That's not "a kind of drunk". Happy bday to you and fuck him right off

Burnamer · 07/09/2023 00:45

Happy birthday OP!

if you’re not enjoying the sex you’re allowed to say no. If he doesn’t listen, well that’s a different problem.
are you ok?

Original poster
Antelope100 · 07/09/2023 00:51

Sex is usually fine, it's his drunkardness tonight which has been a 'clumsy drunk' and upset me. Think: tries to put his arm around me in bed but his arm literally falls onto my face, ie drunk and clumsy. For his bday I always get him a little something to unwrap from DC. Usually clothes which ive chosen them as a surprise.

OP posts:
Winter2020 · 07/09/2023 01:22

There are lot’s of reasons why your other half might not have bought you a present - some are shitty of him - e.g. he is inconsiderate and lazy others are not so much e.g. you have told him in the past you will choose what you want (from the joint money), or you have planned the celebration in the past and you feeling differently this year has caught him out.

I think unless your partner is a romantic and makes an effort with these things it’s best to give them an idea of how you are feeling. I was also 44 this year and the discussion was “don’t worry too much about my birthday - it’s a weekday/kids activities etc- we’ll get a takeaway on the weekend” I did get a card and chocs I admit.

Not that your birthday has to be frugal. If the income is there but just tell him what you want “oi husband, poor effort on my birthday, book us a weekend in paris”.

I would recommend telling your partner what you want if you don’t want to be disappointed.

The drunk behaviour is something else though. Why did you know he would be drunk. Has he been to an event?

caringcarer · 07/09/2023 01:50

Is there anything about him you find attractive? If you've had enough and he doesn't make you happy you can leave him OP. Instead of getting drunk the night before your birthday he could have cleaned the kitchen up so you didn't have to wake up to it tomorrow. He sounds vile.

Helpwhatwouldyoudonext · 07/09/2023 01:56

Hi - your first line:
It's my birthday ---- yay!
He got me nothing--- ohhh.

I'm 44 / kids / probably had more than 5 unacknowledged birthdays then.

If you make an effort / go to work and still manage to 'make even a slight effort' for the birthdays in your house ??!?
Then reconsider your place in the house.

Everyone is worth something, my friend. And your equal adult human should make an effort to notice you, like you do them.
Good luck, be brave.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 07/09/2023 02:07

Gross.

Why did he go out alone on your birthday??

Patchesofdrizzle · 07/09/2023 02:27

I always make a big deal of mine and DS birthdays - cake, home made cards, presents etc - when he was little obviously I bought the cake etc, but he knew it was a day to celebrate, because I told him it was.

I always remind him well in advance now, we go out for lunch if it's the weekend, have a takeaway if its midweek etc. I want to celebrate so it we celebrate it.

So can you just tell your husband you're going to be celebrating - you can postpone to Sat or Sun to give him time to get organised. And get the kids involved- tell them you can't wait to see the cards they make for you etc. Ideally get them to badger your DH to go cake and present shopping. It's good for kids to make a fuss of you, teaches them empathy.

Gingerkittykat · 07/09/2023 04:02

Can you do something nice for yourself?

Buy a cake to share with the kids, have a nice lunch, buy something for yourself, get a takeaway and don't share with your H?

Catsmere · 07/09/2023 06:33

How often is he drunk? That sounds foul.

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 07/09/2023 06:33

I read threads like this at least once a week.

Please don't stay married to someone like this.

Toddler101 · 07/09/2023 07:47

Happy birthday @Antelope100 . Mine was yesterday. I got a garlic press (from DH), a pre-sunrise start to the day (from the baby), a bite mark (from the toddler) and a massive leak from the bath through to the ceiling of the room below (from the house). Yay!

Thelonelygiraffe · 07/09/2023 08:07

Happy birthday!

Ask dh to clean the kitchen as a birthday gift, then talk to him about how you want birthdays to be in future. You have agency here. Your feelings matter. You deserve a fuss on your birthday.

BingoandBlueyForever · 07/09/2023 08:12

Happy Birthday OP!
Do something nice for yourself today. Coffee and cake at a café on your break?

BerfyTigot · 07/09/2023 08:19

Nothing to add, but just wanted to say Happy birthday 🎂🎈🎈 from a stranger on the internet. Hope your day is better than expected. Take care of yourself

itsmeafterall · 07/09/2023 08:26

Just popping in to say many happy returns.

I'd be upset too. Treat yourself today. Go out for lunch. Buy yourself a treat you wouldn't normally spend on.

Have wine with dinner.

And then tomorrow give him both barrels. It's just lazy not to make any effort at all. And disrespectful to not take note of your desire to be celebrated just one day of the year.

Hope you have a good day 😊

TerfTalking · 07/09/2023 08:28

Happy birthday OP. Please tell your husband that enough is enough and from today you want him to up his game.

I would go out all day and leave them all to it.

Alwaystired2023 · 07/09/2023 08:34

Big hugs OP and happy birthday to you

Really hope you can do something you like today and like pp said leave them to it

Lbym197 · 07/09/2023 09:11

Happy birthday @Antelope100 💐
You are within your rights to be upset.
For today, forget about him, focus on you.
Give yourself a nice treat if you can, listen to your favourite music in the bath and relax if that's your thing.
You deserve a lovely birthday and life.
Take care x

VeridicalVagabond · 07/09/2023 09:16

Happy birthday OP, I'm sorry it's been off to a crappy start.

What's your favourite thing to do? Can you take some time today, even an hour just to do that uninterrupted for a while?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 07/09/2023 09:46

He can't even take 1 day out to make a fuss of you and make you feel special. What exactly does he bring to the table in your "relationship".
🎂🍾💐

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