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Original poster

It's my birthday tomorrow, I'm sat in bed crying

36 replies

Antelope100 · 07/09/2023 00:31

I'll be 44. DH has got me nothing, he never does unless I buy it. I've not bothered this year. Why should I buy it (joint account). My mum has been a bit shitty on the phone tonight because I've not given her any ideas for a gift. The kitchen is a total shit pit and I'll have to sort it tomorrow. DH has come home drunk, which I expected tonight, but its the kind of drunk where he's trying to hug me but accidentally elbows me in the face, several times. He tries to be sexy in bed but I feel literally like a cheap piece of meat being groped. Im menopausal too which doesn't help and means I cry at anything and everything

OP posts:
TravellingJack · 07/09/2023 11:11

Happy birthday @Antelope100!

As others have said, go and do something for yourself today. If not possible today, do it on your next day off. Make a big deal of treating yourself - whether it's an expensive treat or some time to yourself doing nothing for anyone else. And if anyone asks (say in the shop where you're buying that expensive handbag or while you're out for a solo walk or whatever) then tell them - this is my birthday treat to myself. Don't hide away and pretend it doesn't matter. Some people don't care about birthdays and some do, and the only wrong answer is not doing what you want - if you want a treat, have one.

Oh, and if anyone asks 'what did DH get/do for your birthday?' again, be honest and tell them! I used to feel I had to pretend about ExH - 'oh he bought me this lovely handbag' when I'd bought it for myself - and then realised that if I lied to my friends, they would think I was ok. I started telling them the truth and got a lot of support and care that way.

I hope you have a lovely day 💐

TerrorOwls · 07/09/2023 11:21

Happy Birthday Cake
I hope you have a good day.

Mellowautumnmists · 07/09/2023 14:20

Happy birthday from me too. I hope you're managing to make the most of your special day regardless of your husband's behaviour.

As others have suggested, now is the time to treat yourself and spoil yourself. You've earned it! Leave your husband to his own devices for today at least.

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Time40 · 08/09/2023 07:20

@Antelope100 Happy Birthday, Antelope. I hope the actual day is much better than yesterday.

(I'd send some virtual flowers, but I can't see the emoticon - there are shoes, hats, even trousers ... but no flowers. Where are you all getting the virtual flowers?)

WitchDancer · 08/09/2023 07:25

Happy birthday!

fghj149 · 08/09/2023 07:47

Happy birthday op ❤️💐 Hope you manage to take some time for yourself today xxx

johnworf · 08/09/2023 07:50

Happy brithday!

My DH hardly ever gets me a birthday or christmas present unless I specifically ask for something. It's thoughtless and selfish of him. Now I spoil myself and do exactly what makes me happy. 🎂🍰🎉

Mistressanne · 08/09/2023 07:58

My dh never forgets my birthday but it’s always chocolates or flowers neither of which I particularly want.
My favourite thing is to go for a leisurely morning coffee with him and choose a gift afterwards.
Why not suggest that on Saturday you do just that.
Tell your dm that her birthday gift can be having the dc and go out without them.

Brefugee · 08/09/2023 08:01

happy birthday, OP.

It all sounds a bit shit. You can arrange your own celebration for you by you for you on your own without anyone else. Nice breakfast, do something you like (shopping, museum, motocross), nice lunch, bit more of something you like, nice dinner, go to the theatre/cinema something you like then home to bed?

You know your DH won't get you something, and if your mum is being a bit daft about things, tell her she knows what you like and get you a voucher? or flowers? or a plant?

And take some time to have a really good think about how you want your life to look, and work towards some of that?

Quitelikeacatslife · 08/09/2023 08:05

Happy birthday 🎂
Buy a cake and wine for after work and get takeaway and tell him he is having kids tomorrow because you are going shopping and have nice few hours choosing some presents that make you smile
It's shit he makes no effort, it's just not nice. He needs to be more thoughtful

beastlyslumber · 08/09/2023 08:08

Happy birthday, OP!

Give yourself a gift of some time and space - maybe a lovely cocktail somewhere or tea and cake and a wander round a museum or anything else you'd enjoy. Or buy yourself a fucking great and expensive present - nice bit of tech, expensive shoes, whatever you like.

And think about what you want your birthday to be like next year and how to make that happen.

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