'Parental alienation' and BBC News article on court ordered contact

[girlwhowearsglasses]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-66534732

I am just 😲at this - perhaps I shouldn't be. Kids are being sent to the custody of abusive fathers because they have played the 'parental alienation' card and said it's the mum making it up.

This is shocking :-(

That article is chilling, thanks for sharing @girlwhowearsglasses . I didn’t realise that it’s so deliberate a punishment and that residency of the children can switch to the dad to rebuke the mum for her apparent ‘crime’. Considering how no-fault divorce works it’s ironic that in this situation perceived justice is meted out. It seems very at odds with other systems- and that one set up would predominantly benefit men (no fault divorce) and one predominantly disadvantages women (child residency/access).

Slightly off topic but very, very related.

I am estranged from my abusive parents and they threatened to get access to my kids through family court.

Every discussion of 'grandparents' rights people immediately shout 'grandparents have no rights' which is true, they are not automatic contact rights but grandparents can apply for permission to the court for contact.

When I dug a little deeper and actually read threads or forums from parents had been through the process contact way almost always ordered by the courts - against the parents wishes and often when the parents had legitimate reasons for toxic grandparents not to have contact.

So there's that monstrosity to do with family courts, too.

I don't even need to read it. My abusive ex got contact base on this lie. I thought me and my kids suffered but some of the women I met in DV support groups had lost resident parent. Enough of them it's sickening.

It's not about what's best for the kids. Court is just another way for men to abuse. Just another way to punish women who stand up to them

I think there should be evidence provided, which could include a pattern if several women making the same claim.
I don't believe a man claiming "parental alienation" because a 6 year old can't explain why they are scared of him. And i don't believe the court would block contact if that was the only evidence they had of harm.
In your case, your DH ex wife was making stuff up, you could prove it, so your husband kept contact with his child(ren)

I think some women do try to keep their children away from their dads but I also think the family courts are wise to that. I think there are many more men who claim parental alienation rather than fess up that they are an abusive PoS

It's similar to all the men falsely accused of rape, or who's card details were stolen and used to by CSA images. It just makes me a bit

Don't be so silly, of course I am not justifying PAEDOPHILES. I am responding to the accepted wisdom - as is evidenced by this thread - that the only emotional abusers are men.

Does anyone remember the case of an American woman who went to jail rather than say where her child was? The court had ordered access to the father, who was already prevented from seeing a child from another relationship. The mother believed her little girl had been sexually abused by him but the judge was having none of it.

In the end the grandmother (mother's mother) went on the run with the child, I can't remember why the mother couldn't go, and the mother was taken to court but refused to say where they were. She was jailed for contempt of court.

I never heard the end of the story, if anyone remembers it and knows how it ended I'd love to know (hoping for a happy ending of course.) I've often wondered what happened.

Literally noone has said that the only emotional abusers are men katy.
You seem quite sensitive to the idea that Internet randoms might not believe your story about your husband, his ex and his exes ex husband. It's interesting as to why that is. It is an odd story and as such impossible to draw any conclusions about how much it represents the family courts and the outcomes in general.

Perhaps you should write to the BBC and ask them to do a report on your husbands story, for balance.

I think the father was a dentist and when I heard the story the mother had been in prison for a long time, more than a year, but she said she'd never tell as she'd rather be in prison than let him abuse her daughter.

Agreed. I just explained why many apply a sprinkling of scepticism when these stories got rolled out. Because every victim of abuse sees their abuser's new.girlfriend swallowing wide eyed all.the stories about how mentally ill/alienating/evil they were.

And I do find it frustrating that mothers can never have a good discussion on here about the awful experiences they have been through without a shiny eyed wife no2 jumping in to explain how it's "not all men".

I am sure there are awful mothers out there but statistically it's far more common for men to be abusers. And it's incredibly harmful to the safety of children to perpetuate the myth that mothers in the courts are seeking to restrict contact for nefarious reasons rather than genuine safety concerns.

It's utterly exhausting being a full time parent with no other parent to take them for a weekend. I bloody wish my ex was an even remotely safe parent so that I could catch a break (cafcass didn't keep my children safe but they did eventually refuse to go and thankfully the judge respected their refusal)

So you agree with the premise of the article, then? That reform of the family courts is needed, and that they should not operate on the default basis that a father should always be allowed access to their children?

Please stop referring to second wives in such a patronising way. I am nearly 60 and have been married for nearly 20 years. Hardly shiney eyed!

This isn't about you though. You can be the notable exception if it makes you feel better. I'm not really interested in your very specific experience. I am talking about what I have observed over many years of lived experience and supporting others through the same.

Have you got the figures?..