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Original poster

I'm stuck in a crap training seminar--survival tips

33 replies

Coffeetree · 03/09/2023 08:35

I have to spend the next few days in a training programme for a very specific qualification I need for my job. It's very much a tick-the-boxes thing but I need to pass the external trainer's assessment to get a promotion at work. I don't want to say more because it could be outing etc. I paid for it about £1000.

It's in-person, in a diff city. The first day was yesterday.

The trainers suck. Really I came in with a good attitude but the two trainers clearly don't know the material and are winging it, acting surprised as they move through the slides.

Obnoxiously, when asked specific questions about the cousework worksheets, they've not even looked at the course material.

Instead of just saying, "I don't know, let me look into that," they're trying to bluster through with goofy jokes and patronising platitudes like "really you have to look at the big picture..."

Another stupid thing is that they've recorded a significant part of the session, including all of us standing and speaking, which they'll share with other students. That was a last-minute decision on their part. Their idea of obtaining consent was saying, "None of you minds, do you? No one is in the witness protection programme lol? Okay good.." I mean, I don't mind at all, but how stupid is that?

I will make a complaint but for now I really need to keep my head down and just get the qualification. It'll be worth it.

Any tips to keep me from rolling my eyes and shuffling my feet and generally just giving myself aneurysms today? Maybe I'll play Sucky Trainer Bingo.

OP posts:
EyOopDucky · 03/09/2023 08:39

Is there a bar? 😃

PatChaunceysFruitCake · 03/09/2023 08:46

I find it better if I make copious notes at these things regardless of whether I need to or will ever look back at them. It keeps me awake and semi on topic.

Good luck OP, I sympathise.

Alighttouchonthetiller · 03/09/2023 08:51

Just read an article on the BBC website about diplomacy. The final comment from a former diplomat might be helpful in your situation, OP:

"The job isn't so bad. You sit, suffer a bit and in the evening you go out."

😀

Jellycatspyjamas · 03/09/2023 08:52

Sucky trainer bingo is good.

You could also play them at their own game “yes it’s important to take a holistic approach, blue sky thinking is essential here, don’t you agree” and watch them squirm.

You could also pick a word of the day and use it as often as you can, or pick 3 random (funny/unrelated/obscure) words and challenge yourself to use each them in discussion once in context. Better if you can rope other participants too.

You have my sympathies, I’ve sat through more shit training than I have words for.

user1483387154 · 03/09/2023 09:01

Oh gosh, literally challenge them on everything wrong they say. I have sat through too many shocking #training# courses knowing more than the people delivering the material.

HelpMeGetThrough · 03/09/2023 09:08

You mean you haven't drawn up the "bullshit bingo" card and enjoy crossing off the wanky phrases they come out with?

Or find a word that they keep repeating and start crossing off the five bar gates, to keep score. Then think of a question or two and slip the word in a few times.

CrapBucket · 03/09/2023 09:11

Just smile and wave. Don’t bother being the smart one/helping them improve - makes it awkward for others on the course. Just get through it as quickly as possible.

Jellycatspyjamas · 03/09/2023 09:29

Oh gosh, literally challenge them on everything wrong they say. I have sat through too many shocking #training# courses knowing more than the people delivering the material.

The problem is she needs the tick box assessment from the trainers, who may be small minded enough to mark her down.

Sparkletastic · 03/09/2023 09:32

I'd be assertive but with a faux wide-eyed naivety eg 'Sorry can I just check that you said we'd have to do our own research on that? Just so I understand?'

NewDogOwner · 03/09/2023 09:40

Make a bingo card noting down all the buzz words / high frequency words they use. Then tick them off as they say them and mentally plan a tiny treat for yourself when you get a line and a full house. This will make you smile very time they say them.

viques · 03/09/2023 09:54

NewDogOwner · 03/09/2023 09:40

Make a bingo card noting down all the buzz words / high frequency words they use. Then tick them off as they say them and mentally plan a tiny treat for yourself when you get a line and a full house. This will make you smile very time they say them.

Even better if you find a friend or two and you play competitively! But I feel your pain OP, I used to have to work with a trainer who always used the phrase “we need to unpick and unpack this more closely” . I couldn’t focus on what she was saying because I was hyper alert for this , waiting for it to drop. I was quite worried that one day I might do a fist pump and “Yay!”, but luckily never did.

She also used to do a “mmm?” with a head tilt and condescending smile if someone queried something and she had to repeat it using exactly the same words explain it. “Well Viques, as I said, blah blah blah unpick and unpack blah blah. I hope that helps. Mmmm?”

ZonedIn · 03/09/2023 09:57

Are they boring, or excruciating?

Boring can be dealt with with bingo, doing personal admin in your head (eg meal planning) etc.

Excruciating is much harder, but I think zoning out is the only option, if you can.

PrinceHaz · 03/09/2023 09:58

Enter online competitions to fill the time.

InSpainTheRain · 03/09/2023 10:24

If I'd paid £1k I'd openly challenge them! "I'm not asking about the big picture, I asked a specific question". "If you don't know shall we look it up together or discuss as a group?"

Original poster
Coffeetree · 03/09/2023 10:37

InSpainTheRain · 03/09/2023 10:24

If I'd paid £1k I'd openly challenge them! "I'm not asking about the big picture, I asked a specific question". "If you don't know shall we look it up together or discuss as a group?"

I've done that on a minor point ("no, I was actually asking xyz") and there was an awkward silence. I get and appreciate what you're saying, but as others have pointed out it's not my job to improve them but to get through the next few days and get my box ticked (as it were).

OP posts:
Original poster
Coffeetree · 03/09/2023 10:38

I like the meal planning!!! 😋 🤔

OP posts:
Original poster
Coffeetree · 03/09/2023 13:18

Update: the video they made of all of us is now on YouTube! How dumb is that.

But on the other hand, it's clearly not just me. A couple of other students are clearly noticing the blagging so we've started looking up the material and answering one another's questions.

OP posts:
Original poster
Coffeetree · 03/09/2023 13:24

Just had a perversely satisfying moment where the sucky trainer didn't know how to answer a question so filibusted for five minutes, got called out by one student for getting it wrong, then got mad at us for focusing on something "irrelevant", got reminded that it actually a key part of the assessment, and then said we'd break for lunch. So then we all sat in the lunch room figuring it out from the book.

I don't want it to get too "lord of the flies" in here but if she would just say, "I'm not sure" it would just make it easier.

OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 03/09/2023 13:27

Most of these work training sessions are bollocks especially those delivered by external consultants. They drag out what could be done in 2/3 hours in to a whole day and you don't learn anything new or valuable and they get paid a fortune for it.

aspirationalflamingo · 03/09/2023 13:43

In theory, once you had this qualification what should you actually be able to do?

And will you be able to do it at the end of this course even if they tick the box?

olderbutwiser · 03/09/2023 13:54

Just completed a 4 day course with a trainer who did know his stuff (thank god) but who used every single opportunity to bluster about himself. The whole "I was asked to be an expert witness and I won the case" "they said X but I said Y and I was right" "the CEO said "Oh WankyTrainer, where would we be without you" and I laughed and said "in the deep doodah! Ho ho ho"".

We kept score of different types of boasts - we had They Were Wrong; I Was Right; Without me it would all have been terrible; Incredible research statistics: Things That Definitely Didn't Happen". It helped. A little. But mostly This Too Will Pass did the job.

EyOopDucky · 03/09/2023 13:58

Please link to the video Grin you owe it to us hahaha

Veracity23 · 03/09/2023 14:05

Look up business bullshit generators and/or generate your own motivational poster sites. If nothing else they'll entertain you for a bit. Other techniques that have helped me in these drivelling workshops have included imagining what kind of dog/cat/bird the trainees/ other attendees would be....I also have always wanted but never been brave enough to stand up and shout house at least once in the proceedings (bullshit bingo).

One of the most depressing things for me about modern working life is how many Peter Principle vacuous drones who give these kinds of workshops are now out there and how much they all get paid a lot of the time. For adding nothing to the world except more puffy egotism, mostly. And they all take themselves so seriously....

The NHS is currently stuffed to the gills with it and if it vanished tomorrow we'd have a better, more productive world....

I have been on truly brilliant training days and workshops but not for a long time and usually run by people who've actually been doing the job, not sticking post its on walls and clapping every comment....

Veracity23 · 03/09/2023 14:07

On a serious note, it sounds like the trainers have sod all understanding of personal privacy if they've stuck you all on Open YouTube....

Musicaltheatremum · 03/09/2023 14:13

@Veracity23 never a truer word spoken. I have just retired from the NHS and the training days were painful as were the workshops and flow charts we had to do for the Quality improvement programmes otherwise known as audit. Glad I'm out!