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Original poster

Do you look after yourself?

54 replies

Puffypuffin · 30/08/2023 21:55

I can't afford beauty treatments but I do my own nails and toes. I spend time on them and they look nice if I can blow my own trumpet. A friend complimented my nails today and asked where I had them done. When I said I do them myself she was horrified and told me that I don't 'look after' myself properly. My hair is always done, a bit of make up if I feel like it, clean and ironed clothes etc. When I asked her what she meant (because she made me feel like I look like a bag of shite frankly), she said that she values self care more than I do because she has beauty treatments weekly, fortnightly massages, reiki, personal trainer etc.

I can't afford any of that, nor do I have the time to be honest, but is this really what 'self care' is? To me it's just looking after yourself in the best way that you can.

OP posts:
StillOrSparklingMadam · 30/08/2023 22:00

Hahaha your friend is barking. “Spend money” is not a prerequisite for looking after yourself. And why does she see it as a competitive activity?

’Self care’ as she defines it is the biggest con there is: women, look after yourselves by spending money to focus on your appearance!

I enjoy going for massages, facial treatments and so on (hell, I got my legs waxed just this afternoon) but the best self care for me personally is enjoying some time relaxing with a good book or playing with my cat. It’s different for everyone.

Original poster
Puffypuffin · 30/08/2023 22:03

Totally agree it's a money spinner isn't it. I felt she was judging me for not spending loads of cash getting massages every week, believe me I'd love to!

OP posts:
milkydress · 30/08/2023 22:07

I never spend money on treatment bc I do them myself ...home facial / manicure / pedicure or what ever. I do like going for a massage and hair cuts every 4 months or so . I also like reading so sometimes I take a book to a coffee shop and just zone out for a bit...or watch crap on Netflix...that's self care for me
Self care is a load of nonsense to make women feel worse about themselves.
You do you OP!!

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FunnysInLaJardin · 30/08/2023 22:08

Your friend is a twat. HTH!

Crinklecutchips1 · 30/08/2023 22:11

I also always do my own nails - occasionally have a pedicure. I am the only one of my friends who does her own nails - others either don't bother or have them done - two extremes.

Original poster
Puffypuffin · 30/08/2023 22:14

When I was much younger, having a manicure or pedicure was a luxury but I think many people see them as a necessity now, which is fine for them of course. I like doing my own anyways so I would grudge paying someone else to do it. 😂

OP posts:
Nichebitch · 30/08/2023 22:18

I can afford getting my nails done but I always do them myself because I’m very fussy with the colours and I never like the ones at the salon. Your friend sounds a bit dumb tbh

Bemyclementine · 30/08/2023 22:18

Your friend is bonkers. I have no interest in having nails, lashes, manages, etc..paying to have those things would not be "looking after myself" at all. I have no interest in it at all. My nails are clean and tidy. Sometimes neatly painted,toes painted. That's it.

For me, looking after myself is more to do with plenty of fruit and veg, water ,early nights, time outside, exercise, reading....

XenoBitch · 30/08/2023 22:19

Your friend is an arse. Since when has having your nails done been classed as looking after yourself?
If that is the case, I must neglect myself.

chunkychunks · 30/08/2023 22:19

Weird thing for your pal to say! Ignore her

I used to get my nails done (can't afford it any more) and although I loved the results, the actual process of having them done I always found really boring, inconvenient and stressful!

I do my own now and it's a much more pleasurable (and cheaper) experience 😃

SnapBang · 30/08/2023 22:44

I look after myself! By that, I mean I take time to exercise daily, have long soaks in the bath, I even have some very very nice face masks I use in the bath sometimes. I make sure I buy my favourite coffee beans, take time to go for a walk if I need the headspace. That is all self care. Sometimes self care is me doing some yoga and going to bed early.

Why do we need to be getting nails done too?

Personally, I enjoy having my hair done but that’s as far as I go. Long / over the top nails are just annoying in my opinion.

Goldmember · 30/08/2023 22:49

I love having beauty treatments and regular hair appointments but I'm unhealthy, I crave sugar and carbs and love a glass of wine. So No, one look at my weight will tell you that I don't look after myself even if my brows are amazing.

SadlyACupOfTeaDoesNotSolveEverything · 30/08/2023 22:56

Your friend sounds a bit like a woman I know ‘knows the price of everything and the value of nothing’.

Taking care of yourself can be extremely cheap and everyone values and prioritises different things. I take care of myself in accordance with my personal budget, which as things have gotten more expensive doesn’t go as far as it used to.

I do my own nails (and like you they pass for salon worthy).
I exfoliate, shave and moisturise every second day.
I have a good skincare routine.
I have my hair cut and coloured and my eyebrows waxed every 8 weeks (used to be 6). Between appointments I pluck stray hairs to maintain a decent shape.
I walk twice a week, regularly exercise, go to Pilates and try to get enough sleep.
I drink plenty of water and try to eat very little processed food.

Chypre · 30/08/2023 23:09

Aromatherapy massages and manicures that’s more in the department of “nice to have” and not essential. Properly “looking after” is all the boring repetitive stuff - teeth flossing, regular exercise, good nutrition, sunscreen, managing stress levels etc. It’s like polishing the car vs fully servicing.

ShutTheDoorBabe · 30/08/2023 23:39

Lol, by your friend's standards, never. I never have beauty treatments, makeovers, tans, extensions, or have my nails or eyebrows done and I haven't even had my hair cut since before the Rona. I don't wear makeup or style my hair. I can't afford it and don't like the look of a lot of it.

WithIcePlease · 30/08/2023 23:58

For me self care is making sure I get enough sleep and exercise and eating well as well as taking time to relax in various ways.
Cba with massages, facials, nail appts etc

Mmhmmn · 31/08/2023 00:56

Your friend is an imbecile.

Carry on as you were, OP.

drearydear · 31/08/2023 00:59

So she liked them, and complimented you, until she knew you'd done them yourself. Nice of her.

I do my own too and they look just fine.

tt9 · 31/08/2023 03:14

I 100% look after myself. I spent most of today in bed eating sachertorte (I ordered a whole one just for me to eat slowly over the next week) and watching the mandalorian.

but if all these things your friend is doing makes her happy, good for her.

however someone who makes you feel shit is not your friend. perhaps your next self care routine should involve detoxing your life of her presence?

Aintnosupermum · 31/08/2023 03:25

Self Care isn’t a beauty treatment per se. It’s anything that makes you feel good about yourself that you do for you. My criteria is it needs to compete with a solo o. For me
doing your hair and nails is basic grooming. You don’t necessarily need to spend money on it.

Weatherwax13 · 31/08/2023 03:41

She's an idiot. Self care is what makes you personally feel better. If it's spending money to have someone do her beauty treatments that's great. If it's you having your own ritual of doing it yourself exactly the way you like, that's great too.
Someone else's version of self care might be reading novels after telling the family to bugger off or early morning yoga or getting their highlights done every month.
Clue is in the word Self.

givemeasunnyday · 31/08/2023 04:09

Your friend is totally wrong. Self care simply means caring for yourself - there is no set in stone criteria for what that means. I have my hair cut every eight weeks, and that is the extent of what your friend would call self-care.

drearydear · 31/08/2023 04:43

People are right. Self care is time set aside for yourself doing something beneficial or that you enjoy. Yoga, exercise, reading, relaxing,

Your nails could be one example even though you did them yourself. The irony is that she thought you had spent money on your nails.

GarlicGrace · 31/08/2023 04:43

The only time I've paid for all that was during the years I was heading for a breakdown. What I actually needed was therapy, but not that kind. In fact, the first real therapist I saw was attached to the holistic wellness centre where I had some of the other treatments. Lucky for me, she was good - I could easily have ended up with someone who'd just tell me nice things to make me feel better!

The point of this story is that women are forever being told that "self care" means paying hundreds & hundreds of pounds for an array of women to stroke and pummel you, stretch, trim & paint you, stick needles in you, electrocute, heat and irrigate you, and speak soothingly throughout. It's a very expensive way of getting some positive attention.

Your friend is barking, but it might be that she actually is cracking up and this is her misdirected attempt at holding on.

Jackienory · 31/08/2023 04:48

“ Self Care” means something entirely different to me 🤭