Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Do you look after yourself?

54 replies

Puffypuffin · 30/08/2023 21:55

I can't afford beauty treatments but I do my own nails and toes. I spend time on them and they look nice if I can blow my own trumpet. A friend complimented my nails today and asked where I had them done. When I said I do them myself she was horrified and told me that I don't 'look after' myself properly. My hair is always done, a bit of make up if I feel like it, clean and ironed clothes etc. When I asked her what she meant (because she made me feel like I look like a bag of shite frankly), she said that she values self care more than I do because she has beauty treatments weekly, fortnightly massages, reiki, personal trainer etc.

I can't afford any of that, nor do I have the time to be honest, but is this really what 'self care' is? To me it's just looking after yourself in the best way that you can.

OP posts:
GarlicGrace · 31/08/2023 04:50

I bet you could get that at plenty of massage places, too, @Jackienory!
Not sure how you'd ask, though 😜

drearydear · 31/08/2023 04:54

🤣 it is a form of self care in both respects I suppose.

One of my colleagues used to get a buttock massage and proudly tell everyone . I thought she was lying, but I think it's a legitimate thing..

readingismycardio · 31/08/2023 05:01

Why would you go to a salon when you obviously have the skills to do them at home for free? That would be crazy!

I have regular beauty appointments (haircuts, dye, monthly massage, manicure and pedicure, a facial once every 2-3 months). I also have a great skincare routine at home.

But self care to me means other things: reading, exercising at least 30 min daily, fruit, veg, water

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

General shopping General style & beauty
perpetuallybusy · 31/08/2023 05:12

Not in my book! Looking after myself - which I'm really good at, is about taking time out for myself. So persueing my hobbies and interests (largely all exercise related). Stretching, yoga and meditation. Curling up with a book. Getting a regular solid nights sleep. Eating well. I've never had my nails done, never wear makeup, don't go to a hairdresser (style doesn't require it) and never iron my clothes. I've got my own unique look. I like how I look. Yet I'm clean! I'd never wear grubby clothes or not attend to my personal hygiene!! I look good in that I glow with health, I'm also muscular from my sport. I feel calm and happy and healthy... it all helps me to be a more patient calmer mum and helps me manage the stresses of work. I spend time doing things to develop myself which I like to - reading is largely non-fiction and one of my hobbies is being involved in politics and activism. I can completely understand how a massage or pedicure may be relaxing and time out to another woman though. Just not me. It doesn't benefit your actual health as such.

perpetuallybusy · 31/08/2023 05:14

PS I'd gift your mate a copy of Naomi Wolf's The Beauty Myth...

PupInAPram · 31/08/2023 05:23

Well self care is a very personal thing isn't it. A nice walk, good book and special coffee would be my self care. Your friend is projecting her needs onto you in quite a brainless way.

lljkk · 31/08/2023 06:16

I get a lot of exercise & pay attention to what I eat so have a 'good figure'. I believe in being tolerant, laid back, and not stressing about stupid crap (like nails and hair and clothes...) That's what looking after myself means.

Planesmistakenforstars · 31/08/2023 06:16

My idea of looking after myself is eating well and doing exercise. Health stuff in other words. Nails, hair, make up etc are "beauty" treatments and not something I care about personally. However I see them on the same level as a hobby - they can make some people feel good and people enjoy doing it (as with your nails.) In which case it's a kind of mental health self care, and that is important. As for your friend, she's rude and being an arsehole. I'm sorry she made you feel shit, but you have better nails than her.

LifeIsShambolic · 31/08/2023 06:17

perpetuallybusy · 31/08/2023 05:14

PS I'd gift your mate a copy of Naomi Wolf's The Beauty Myth...

This!
Your friend would be horrified by my 2 month old chipped toe nail varnish 😂
Personally looking after myself involves a really good night out with my friends as often as I can afford it.
I use soap to wash my makeup off and moisturizer from Aldi, definitely not paying for any treatments!

Augustus40 · 31/08/2023 06:23

I stopped having massages as I do gentle yoga at home plus take a bath for any aches and pains. As for pedicures I stopped those too as it is a bother to go and I cannot take the airhead chat. I do my own.

I go to a physio from time to time instead.

Augustus40 · 31/08/2023 06:24

A local reiki master pointed out people value beauty more than health.

GarlicGrace · 31/08/2023 06:32

There's a reason why they call these treatments "therapies", @Augustus40. Beauty care is pitched as healthcare.

(And reiki's bollocks as well, I'm afraid!)

Beautiful3 · 31/08/2023 06:34

Self care to.me, means spending time on yourself e.g. painting your nails/dying your hair/shaving/fake tan/relaxing/excerise/meditation & reiki. All those things can be done from home.

letspopthekettleon · 31/08/2023 06:46

I always do my own nails/beauty treatments at home. The idea of going to a salon for that seems boring and like a chore.

I do get monthly massages though. Massages can be very beneficial for your physical health and I find them great for my MH. I always feel so zen and relaxed for the rest of the day afterwards

GarlicGrace · 31/08/2023 06:50

Beautiful3 · 31/08/2023 06:34

Self care to.me, means spending time on yourself e.g. painting your nails/dying your hair/shaving/fake tan/relaxing/excerise/meditation & reiki. All those things can be done from home.

To be fair, most things can be done from home. Furniture can be made from scratch at home, carpets woven at home, all clothes home-made, all socialising done at home ... and so on.

People who don't want to DIY (or can't) have the option to pay someone else to do stuff. I don't agree with OP's friend's attitude, but defend her personal choices. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should!

megletthesecond · 31/08/2023 06:57

Looking after myself is eating well, exercising and getting enough sleep. All the pretty nails in the world won't stave off cancer or heart disease.

I do my own nails for work days though.

terraced · 31/08/2023 06:57

Your friend is the issue here. Not you.

I've never had my nails done or any treatments. I don't own any makeup. Hubby cuts my hair with scissors twice a year. I don't consider any treatments as looking after myself. Looking after myself is more to do with eating well and exercising, not spending money on cosmetic treatments.

hylian · 31/08/2023 07:00

I thought that a thread about looking after yourself would be discussing healthy eating, exercise and mental health. Not getting your nails done. 🙄

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 31/08/2023 08:31

hylian · 31/08/2023 07:00

I thought that a thread about looking after yourself would be discussing healthy eating, exercise and mental health. Not getting your nails done. 🙄

This

drearydear · 31/08/2023 12:10

Furniture can be made from scratch at home, carpets woven at home

Not as easy as painting nails, weaving carpets and making furniture. Grin

I do take your point though.

marblesthecat · 31/08/2023 12:14

I pay a LOT for facial treatments. Don't bother with nails or the hairdressers - my hair is au naturale but when I start to go grey I will go to the hairdressers regularly. I also eat well, loads of fruit and veg, drink loads of water and no alcohol but I mainly do this because of vanity. I do all all these things, even the healthy diet, because I don't like the way i look so I don't know if it really qualifies as looking after myself.

Crikeyalmighty · 31/08/2023 12:19

Nails, hair and clothes are an industry - I do agree a decent cut is good but I was suprised when I coloured my own in lockdown how decent it looked, for £14 as opposed to £140 so now I have hilights once a year and top the colour up twice a year myself.

Clothes- I buy about £200 a year max - usually new leggings and maybe a couple of tops or dresses or some new boots- I have tons and at 61 I'm more about comfort , quality and fit than fashion.

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 31/08/2023 12:39

My SiL will treat me and my sisters to spa trips sometimes. DB is a multi-millonaire and she enjoys our company but we could not afford to, I enjoy it when it happens, but it's not something I budget for regularly. I use the local beauty college to get a deluxe manicure for £15 as a 'model client' because it stops me biting my nails. But other than that, your mad friend would think I was feral Grin

tt9 · 31/08/2023 13:28

Jackienory · 31/08/2023 04:48

“ Self Care” means something entirely different to me 🤭

I refer you to Brian from Hull....

aintnothinbutagstring · 31/08/2023 13:47

Gosh what would she think of me - my hair is half natural brown with grey and blorange on the ends cos I'm growing out my hair. I could spend 00s on highlighting it if I wanted to but I don't. Looking after yourself to me is more diet, exercise, not drinking or smoking, wearing sunscreen, taking vitamins - all the boring stuff! Exercise could be a daily run round the block - totally free - that's not as Instagram worthy as a PT though I guess.

Swipe left for the next trending thread