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Original poster

Is it weird to go to a wedding with someone else's husband?

36 replies

Specialtoes · 30/08/2023 18:57

I'm single and part of a friendship group that involved men and women, married and single.

4 of us have been invited to a wedding this weekend. 2 are a married couple, 1 is a married man who's wife doesn't usually socialise with us, but was invited to the wedding (he says she prefers him to go alone leaving her in peace at home, we've often invoted her) and me.

The wife who isn't part of our group has decided not to go (tbf shes been quite ill) , so rather than take a random plus one that friend and I plan to go together.....Weird?

OP posts:
SoundsLikeAYouProblem · 30/08/2023 19:00

Not weird, you would have been going anyway so why not go together rather than taking some random person the B&G don’t know?

WhateverMate · 30/08/2023 19:00

It's not weird to go anywhere with a male friend.

I have 2 of them and we go to lots of different places my DH doesn't fancy, just as I do with my female friends.

Why do you think it might be weird? Are you really just friends or do you fancy each other?

thdskdrggs · 30/08/2023 19:02

Sounds like you're going as a group with the couple and the married friend rather than you being a plus 1 to the married friend? If you've all been invited?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
Original poster
Specialtoes · 30/08/2023 19:02

WhateverMate · 30/08/2023 19:00

It's not weird to go anywhere with a male friend.

I have 2 of them and we go to lots of different places my DH doesn't fancy, just as I do with my female friends.

Why do you think it might be weird? Are you really just friends or do you fancy each other?

We really are genuinely just friends. He's always perfectly well behaved when out without his wife, but that's what concerns me, that people will jump to conclusions!

OP posts:
Bennyandthevets · 30/08/2023 19:06

I don’t think this is weird at all & I would think nothing of it as someone that has a number of male friends. Don’t worry about what other people think as it says more about them. Go & enjoy the wedding with your friend!

TrishTrix · 30/08/2023 19:10

I’ve been on holiday several times with my friend’s husband and kids.

Provided the wife knows and is happy it’s fine.

WhateverMate · 30/08/2023 19:11

Specialtoes · 30/08/2023 19:02

We really are genuinely just friends. He's always perfectly well behaved when out without his wife, but that's what concerns me, that people will jump to conclusions!

Show quote history

Yes well some people probably will, but what can you do about it? 🤷‍♂️

AnSolas · 30/08/2023 19:11

Neither of you are bringing a plus one.
So you are not going as a couple just friends who know the B&G and you will know at least 2 guest who are a couple.
To suggest you/he were a plus one on a single invite would be weird.

jamiegirlove · 30/08/2023 19:14

It's not weird if you know the person long before or just a friend. But be careful though. :)

FasciaDreams · 30/08/2023 19:14

You're all going as part of a group with your own invites so not weird at all! Whether you travel together or otherwise is incidental.

The whole 'plus one' thing was to make sure nobody is left awkwardly talking to strangers but you're all a group so I don't see what you mean by going 'together' with him. Looks like you are 'together' with the entire group.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 30/08/2023 19:20

He's not your plus one.

He has a plus one invite and his plus has declined the invite.

I'm sure you had similar or didn't get a plus one.

If he wasn't going, you would still attend anyway, right?

MargaretThursday · 30/08/2023 19:29

I think the only thing that's weird and might cause comments is you seem to be thinking of him as your plus one (or you and his). You're not. You are in a group and two of you aren't bringing partners and maybe you travel together and you may be put together.
I mean you won't refuse your invite and he reply "yes for me and my plus one"; you'll both reply "yes for me, no plus one".

xyz111 · 30/08/2023 19:30

You're not going together though are you. You've both been invited individually. So you're both going to the wedding. How would it be "going together?"

Original poster
Specialtoes · 30/08/2023 19:31

I don't know. I'd have taken a plus one if I wasn't going "with" him. We'll arrive and leave together, without our other friends, who have different travel arrangements.

Probably I am overthinking.

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 30/08/2023 19:32

MargaretThursday · 30/08/2023 19:29

I think the only thing that's weird and might cause comments is you seem to be thinking of him as your plus one (or you and his). You're not. You are in a group and two of you aren't bringing partners and maybe you travel together and you may be put together.
I mean you won't refuse your invite and he reply "yes for me and my plus one"; you'll both reply "yes for me, no plus one".

This.

xyz111 · 30/08/2023 19:33

Specialtoes · 30/08/2023 19:31

I don't know. I'd have taken a plus one if I wasn't going "with" him. We'll arrive and leave together, without our other friends, who have different travel arrangements.

Probably I am overthinking.

I think you are 😉

Whataretheodds · 30/08/2023 19:33

You're going to a wedding, so are other friends who know the couple in the same way. 2 of you are travelling together, 2 others are travelling together.

You're making too much of this.

FasciaDreams · 30/08/2023 19:36

Specialtoes · 30/08/2023 19:31

I don't know. I'd have taken a plus one if I wasn't going "with" him. We'll arrive and leave together, without our other friends, who have different travel arrangements.

Probably I am overthinking.

I sort of see what you're saying. Instead of being a fifth wheel with two couples it's you and him, with the other.
I don't think that's an issue, but I never got the 'coupleyness' anyway. When I was single and out with couples we spoke as any other group of 3 would. I don't see why the situation has to change because the other two people were a couple instead of just two other friends, if they were THAT kind of couple I wouldn't be out with them.

Just bring a plus one anyway if you want to but I don't think this matters. Neither of you are going to stick to each other all night anyway are you?

Original poster
Specialtoes · 30/08/2023 19:40

I think it's the look of it that bothers me, or that I wonder if I should be bothered about. People there who don't know us will assume we're a couple.

OP posts:
Noorandapples · 30/08/2023 19:43

I think it's weird, it's one thing travelling separately and then spending time as a group but another to travel there and back alone together to a function. It seems like a date. His wife will absolutely be upset and other people will assume you're a couple.

blackbeardsballsack · 30/08/2023 19:45

You aren't going 'together'? You're just both invited to the same event? I think you are looking at this strangely

Original poster
Specialtoes · 30/08/2023 19:51

Noorandapples · 30/08/2023 19:43

I think it's weird, it's one thing travelling separately and then spending time as a group but another to travel there and back alone together to a function. It seems like a date. His wife will absolutely be upset and other people will assume you're a couple.

His wife absolutely won't be upset, she's well aware of the arrangement and doesn't want to go, has told him to go without her. Maybe my concern is that I might be in her shoes, but I know she's not.

It's a 20 mile taxi journey and we live a couple of streets apart, we're hardly going to travel separately.

I don't think anyone who knows us would assume anything, but we will look like a couple, I agree.

OP posts:
MargaretThursday · 30/08/2023 21:07

*His wife absolutely won't be upset, she's well aware of the arrangement and doesn't want to go, has told him to go without her."

I think you're missing the nuance here:

She may be totally happy for him to go on his own as part of an established group and share lifts etc with other members of the group.
She may not be happy for him to go WITH someone else who is considering themselves his plus one-and there's no sign he's thinking of it that way, or anything other than it may be convenient to share lifts etc.

It's a very subtle difference and the fact you're not quite getting it, is coming across to me as though you're rather hoping people will think you're a couple.

It wouldn't worry me if dh went to a wedding without me with one of his "hobby" groups. I wouldn't worry if he was sharing lifts with a single woman-in fact he does quite often. She's lovely and I have absolutely no worry that way.
But if she started saying "oooh... maybe people will think we're a couple if we arrive together..." that would get me thinking. Is that wishful thinking on her part? Is she rather liking the idea of "playing" the part of being his partner?

Original poster
Specialtoes · 30/08/2023 21:21

MargaretThursday · 30/08/2023 21:07

*His wife absolutely won't be upset, she's well aware of the arrangement and doesn't want to go, has told him to go without her."

I think you're missing the nuance here:

She may be totally happy for him to go on his own as part of an established group and share lifts etc with other members of the group.
She may not be happy for him to go WITH someone else who is considering themselves his plus one-and there's no sign he's thinking of it that way, or anything other than it may be convenient to share lifts etc.

It's a very subtle difference and the fact you're not quite getting it, is coming across to me as though you're rather hoping people will think you're a couple.

It wouldn't worry me if dh went to a wedding without me with one of his "hobby" groups. I wouldn't worry if he was sharing lifts with a single woman-in fact he does quite often. She's lovely and I have absolutely no worry that way.
But if she started saying "oooh... maybe people will think we're a couple if we arrive together..." that would get me thinking. Is that wishful thinking on her part? Is she rather liking the idea of "playing" the part of being his partner?

I'm not sure why you think I'd be saying any of that to anyone?

Anyway he's just messaged to say shall we go for drinks first (we're only going in the evening). Perfectly reasonable I've had drinks with him before, usually attached to a sports event, but I don't know, this feels different. Maybe because it's a wedding, maybe becisse we'll be all dressed up?

Maybe I'm just feeling a bit weird because the wedding coincides with what would have been my 31st anniversary, but we only made it to 28 before DH died.

OP posts:
continentallentil · 30/08/2023 21:24

No - you are going to a wedding with a friend, it’s perfectly normal.

I’m very sorry you lost your DH, and I think that’s the explanation for why it feels odd. Not because it’s odd, but because you are still getting used to doing things without him.