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Original poster

Is it weird to go to a wedding with someone else's husband?

36 replies

Specialtoes · 30/08/2023 18:57

I'm single and part of a friendship group that involved men and women, married and single.

4 of us have been invited to a wedding this weekend. 2 are a married couple, 1 is a married man who's wife doesn't usually socialise with us, but was invited to the wedding (he says she prefers him to go alone leaving her in peace at home, we've often invoted her) and me.

The wife who isn't part of our group has decided not to go (tbf shes been quite ill) , so rather than take a random plus one that friend and I plan to go together.....Weird?

OP posts:
Original poster
Specialtoes · 30/08/2023 21:27

continentallentil · 30/08/2023 21:24

No - you are going to a wedding with a friend, it’s perfectly normal.

I’m very sorry you lost your DH, and I think that’s the explanation for why it feels odd. Not because it’s odd, but because you are still getting used to doing things without him.

Yes I've only really just now realised, but it will be my first wedding without him. Not sure whether to mention that to friend! It could actually be really tough for me.

OP posts:
FasciaDreams · 30/08/2023 21:41

I'm sorry for your loss OP. I can certainly empathise. 28 years is a long time and for this to be the first wedding without him by your side must have a big emotional impact.

I would have said it's that clouding your perception, but your friend wanting to have drinks first, before an evening wedding is strange. Reason being there is nothing to do BUT have drinks and talk all night long... why meet up earlier?

It seems a bit off.

I think you're better off inviting a plus one as well quite frankly.

Original poster
Specialtoes · 30/08/2023 21:43

FasciaDreams · 30/08/2023 21:41

I'm sorry for your loss OP. I can certainly empathise. 28 years is a long time and for this to be the first wedding without him by your side must have a big emotional impact.

I would have said it's that clouding your perception, but your friend wanting to have drinks first, before an evening wedding is strange. Reason being there is nothing to do BUT have drinks and talk all night long... why meet up earlier?

It seems a bit off.

I think you're better off inviting a plus one as well quite frankly.

Friend does really like a drink. His thinking will be that other guests will have been drinking all day so there's catching up to do.

OP posts:

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Weddings
lemonyaid · 30/08/2023 21:47

Specialtoes · 30/08/2023 19:40

I think it's the look of it that bothers me, or that I wonder if I should be bothered about. People there who don't know us will assume we're a couple.

That's on them though

FasciaDreams · 30/08/2023 21:55

Specialtoes · 30/08/2023 21:43

Friend does really like a drink. His thinking will be that other guests will have been drinking all day so there's catching up to do.

Show quote history

You know him best, if you think the only reason is he 'really' likes a drink fine. I like a drink too, so does DH, but the idea of loading up before a wedding is odd. It's not a competition.

However if it's going to already be a difficult day this doesn't seem like something helpful and will remind you more of going to weddings with your ex-H. Are you planning to get the rest of the group to join the pre-drinks?

EarringsandLipstick · 30/08/2023 21:59

Maybe I'm just feeling a bit weird because the wedding coincides with what would have been my 31st anniversary, but we only made it to 28 before DH died.

This is what it is. I'm really sorry for your loss - it's so recent & must still be so raw.

You are definitely thinking oddly about this - you are just two friends at the same wedding - but it's understandable.

Will your other friend know it's a tough day for you & be there to give you support? Be gentle with yourself on the day. 💐

Original poster
Specialtoes · 30/08/2023 22:21

FasciaDreams · 30/08/2023 21:55

You know him best, if you think the only reason is he 'really' likes a drink fine. I like a drink too, so does DH, but the idea of loading up before a wedding is odd. It's not a competition.

However if it's going to already be a difficult day this doesn't seem like something helpful and will remind you more of going to weddings with your ex-H. Are you planning to get the rest of the group to join the pre-drinks?

Show quote history

No, they'll have been there all day

OP posts:
FasciaDreams · 30/08/2023 22:23

Specialtoes · 30/08/2023 22:21

No, they'll have been there all day

Show quote history

So the 4 of you are part of the same friendship group.
But they have an all-day invite, and you and this friend have evening only invites.
Is that correct? Why is that?

Original poster
Specialtoes · 30/08/2023 22:26

FasciaDreams · 30/08/2023 22:23

So the 4 of you are part of the same friendship group.
But they have an all-day invite, and you and this friend have evening only invites.
Is that correct? Why is that?

Show quote history

Because they're closer to the B&G who move in the same circles as us but aren't part of "the group".

OP posts:
FasciaDreams · 30/08/2023 22:31

Specialtoes · 30/08/2023 22:26

Because they're closer to the B&G who move in the same circles as us but aren't part of "the group".

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Ah OK. Now it makes sense.
I don't think there's anything weird. People aren't going to be paying much attention and no matter what others say it's silly to quibble over sharing a taxi + drinks with someone whom you see regularly anyway.

Your own feelings are another matter - of course, I can understand if you're feeling a bit fragile and you should maybe share this with your friends. I'm not sure how they're supposed to 'support' you though. But you do need to be able to leave early or something if you need to, so taxi sharing friend should be aware of that at least.

Go and enjoy yourself. Don't care what other people think. it's none of their business anyway and you're not sneaking around behind any spouse's back

Original poster
Specialtoes · 31/08/2023 08:49

FasciaDreams · 30/08/2023 22:31

Ah OK. Now it makes sense.
I don't think there's anything weird. People aren't going to be paying much attention and no matter what others say it's silly to quibble over sharing a taxi + drinks with someone whom you see regularly anyway.

Your own feelings are another matter - of course, I can understand if you're feeling a bit fragile and you should maybe share this with your friends. I'm not sure how they're supposed to 'support' you though. But you do need to be able to leave early or something if you need to, so taxi sharing friend should be aware of that at least.

Go and enjoy yourself. Don't care what other people think. it's none of their business anyway and you're not sneaking around behind any spouse's back

Show quote history

I've told the other woman. This group have been lovely to me since he died, as you say there's not much they can do, but they'll definitely be "there" for me. Not sure whether to mention it to man or not.

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