Spoke too soon. DP found a humongous one: a pint glass only just fitted over the bloody thing. She was amazing (once safely in said glass) and had clearly outsmarted the cats. I did wonder why one cat was sitting in an unusual position, staring at a box.
DP is in the spare room tonight (alcohol = snoring) and he came back in the main bedroom. After the cats he's next in line for spider catching duties. Conversation went as follows:
Biggest spider I've ever seen in the spare room!
Well then get rid of it.
Honestly, the biggest one I've ever seen!
There's a pint glass in the bathroom. Grab that and catch her.
I think I'm too drunk.
Oh FFS. Where is it?
In the spare room.
Yes, but where?
It's in the spare room.
On the floor? Wall? Bed?
On the wall. You can't miss it. Seriously, I've never seen a spider that big.
Will you shut the fuck up?!
<enter spare room>
Oh holy fuck!
<gently catch spider and admire her>
Can you open the front door please? I'm not putting her out the window on to the roof.
Just put her out the back, she has a much better chance of survival.
Ok, then can you get the door for me please?
I'm really feeling very nauseous.
For fuck's sake.
Yeeted spider in to the neighbour's garden. Went back upstairs to a "I'm actually quite proud of you for that".
Generally by the time I find them they are dead. Not that I wish them dead, but it makes for easier removal. If I find them before the cats do, I do save them.
(When I say pint glass, I mean the tumbler kind with the wide opening, not the tulip style.)
Fuck me, she was big. <shudder>