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Original poster

Can't wait for the school holidays to end - stroppy (almost) 6 yo

38 replies

Clarawade · 26/08/2023 17:26

I'm exhausted. It's been way too long and I feel like we've lost control. She finished school on the 5th July and the first 2 weeks were wonderful, she was happy, polite, easy going.

However, her behaviour over the summer got progressively worse to the point of not listening to us at all, hitting us and being completely defiant about everything. We don't generally keep sweets in the house but someone gave her a bag of sickly sweet stuff a while ago and she found it today and ate everything in front of me whilst I kept telling her one was enough.

She's regressed with her reading as well and does not want to touch a book. Constant moaning, tantrums and harrasing our poor cat.

She's had so much fun, playdates, 2 little holidays and another one next week. DH thinks she's too spoilt.

I've tried being calm, explaining things, I tried shouting, nothing works.

Anyone in the same boat?

OP posts:
Batatahara · 26/08/2023 17:32

I think some kids really miss the routine of school. Mine can't wait to go back to school!

Holiday club might help break it up a bit next time.

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 26/08/2023 17:35

Yep, I'm completely exhausted. The youngest 3 are bored and playing up,one has Autism and has been a nightmare since the start. The teenagers are grumpy (and if I hear one more complaint about the bloody wifi Angry) and still almost 2 weeks to go as they don't go back till the Thursday, and one on the Friday!! 7 weeks is too bloody long!

Doggydarling · 26/08/2023 17:38

A five year old ate something that you didn't want them to?? In front of you?? Why didn't you just take it off them?

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Original poster
Clarawade · 26/08/2023 17:38

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 26/08/2023 17:35

Yep, I'm completely exhausted. The youngest 3 are bored and playing up,one has Autism and has been a nightmare since the start. The teenagers are grumpy (and if I hear one more complaint about the bloody wifi Angry) and still almost 2 weeks to go as they don't go back till the Thursday, and one on the Friday!! 7 weeks is too bloody long!

Sorry to hear that, sounds really hard.

DD starts on the 6th which is a Wed, it feels like miles away.

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarawade · 26/08/2023 17:40

Doggydarling · 26/08/2023 17:38

A five year old ate something that you didn't want them to?? In front of you?? Why didn't you just take it off them?

I did, she snatched it back, opened it and ate it. I was too exhausted after earlier tantrum.

OP posts:
Mischance · 26/08/2023 17:46

she found it today and ate everything in front of me whilst I kept telling her one was enough. - and you did not take it away!!?

I am sorry you are finding it all so hard, but it is about structure and boundaries. None of my children ever hit us - ever. She must not be allowed to get away with this.

School gives her structure - and she needs that at home too.

buzzlightyearsgloves · 26/08/2023 18:18

We've had this. First few weeks have been blissful but behaviour has regressed now. I think they really miss the structure, routine and interaction school gives.

Rudolphthefrog · 26/08/2023 18:30

Clarawade · 26/08/2023 17:40

I did, she snatched it back, opened it and ate it. I was too exhausted after earlier tantrum.

Show quote history

And you did nothing when your child openly defied you, snatched something off you and ate it because you were “exhausted”? Her tantrums have got her what she wants haven’t they.

Is her bedtime the same as term time? Predictable mealtimes? As tempting as it is to let mine go feral in the summer, they are much happier and nicer people if they have approximately the same mealtimes, bedtimes, expectations of reading and chores and so on as in term time, especially while we are at home.

MeinKraft · 26/08/2023 18:33

'I did, she snatched it back, opened it and ate it. I was too exhausted after earlier tantrum.'

Hmm
Inmybirthdaysuit · 26/08/2023 18:34

School gives her structure - and she needs that at home too.

I think this is key for everyone's sanity. Try and have a holiday routine that you roughly follow most days.

Just to add as well holidays, playmates, days out etc are fun but kids need downtime too. Make sure that is also factored into routine.

Original poster
Clarawade · 26/08/2023 18:37

Rudolphthefrog · 26/08/2023 18:30

And you did nothing when your child openly defied you, snatched something off you and ate it because you were “exhausted”? Her tantrums have got her what she wants haven’t they.

Is her bedtime the same as term time? Predictable mealtimes? As tempting as it is to let mine go feral in the summer, they are much happier and nicer people if they have approximately the same mealtimes, bedtimes, expectations of reading and chores and so on as in term time, especially while we are at home.

Show quote history

We do have that. I'm very routiney, I like structure and I tried to provide that as much as I could. Same meal times, same early bed time, going out every day for fresh air, tried to do some education when we could, which worked at first but it's becoming very challenging.

I'm glad to hear some of the posters have got it all under perfect control. It must be just us then.

OP posts:
Alphabeta123 · 26/08/2023 18:53

For my youngest, school holidays is the time when his most favourite things don’t happen - and everyone expects him to be happy about it. He hates them with a passion.
He‘s not too keen on school, but lives for his extracurricular activities which tend to be term time only. can’t wait until he‘s old enough to go to camps (8 for his activities), he is not fun to be around during the holidays! 1 more summer to survive….

Alphabeta123 · 26/08/2023 18:58

Add on: for us its not boredom, bedtime, routines etc. It is him having taken away his favourite activities, and at 6 he doesn’t understand why. He is absolutely insufferable.

Iammetoday · 26/08/2023 19:02

It is hard,as others say structure all the way.

Also what's her consequences for hitting/ snatching food back and eating it? Honestly my kids wouldn't dare, but I'm quite strict, when I say pleasdon't t do that because I will xyz I always follow through. Only had to take mine home from a day out once.....
Maybe she is spoilt? If she's hitting you that's not normal behaviour and I'm guessing she wouldn't her teachers as she knows consequences would be quick to follow.

LlynTegid · 26/08/2023 19:11

Behaviour should have consequences.

Original poster
Clarawade · 26/08/2023 19:27

She is the perfect child at school, very well behaved and doing great academically. She really misses her school and it's been over 7 weeks for us already.

So today's tantrum started because I said no to TV as she watched it twice this week already (we only allow it 2, 3 times a week - always been like that) then the bad behaviour escalated. So we stuck to our rule and she had no screen time.

The eating junk in front of me without me allowing it never happened before. I guess it was her protesting for lack of TV. I had completely forgotten about the bag of sweets, I should have put it in the bin ages ago. That won't happen again.

OP posts:
lifesnotaspectatorsport · 26/08/2023 19:29

Yeah we had this last year with our 5 year old and again this year now he's 6. It's slightly better this year although he's now bigger and stronger so the strops are harder to manage. We do all the recommended things - routine, clear rules, consequences, talking about it when he's calmed down - but honestly I think he is just not capable of the self-control needed to stop his tantrums. From reading up (the Explosive Child is an interesting book), I believe he simply doesn't have that level of executive function yet.

Example: I pause the TV and tell him he can watch some more if he puts his PJs on. NO! Cue grumpiness, rudeness, anger, throwing things, he goes to his room, 10 minutes later he finally apologises. He knows fine well that if he doesn't put his PJs on, there will be no TV. He knows he's done this multiple times in the past with the same result: no TV. But he just cannot control the frustration. I think in a year or two he will master it. And for now, structure, rules, patience and repeat. And yes - there is a gin in my hand right now Grin

Somaliwildass · 26/08/2023 19:32

Children don't choose to be perfect at school and a pain at home. They use the expectations and boundaries in place. There's no reason a few weeks off school/at home should be any hardship (unless there is some reason they aren't safe with in custody of them).

Absolutely they deserve a good education, but they aren't born to spend their entire childhood in a classroom away from their families. Too many parents rely on schools to bring their children up for them.

voxnihili · 26/08/2023 20:25

My DD is 5 and has pushed the boundaries a little this holiday as I think she misses her friends (only child, no child relatives).

She helped herself to a packet of crisps yesterday which she’d never done before. I took them off her, put a clip on them and said she had to wait until lunch. If she’d snatched them off me I’d have snatched them back and put them in the bin!

TV only twice a week sounds a bit harsh though. I find it useful as a bit of a calm down - we’ve had film afternoons which have been lovely.

If you’re doing loads and loads of stuff, maybe she is over stimulated and acting out. We had a holiday but other than that it’s been quite low key - plenty of time to just relax and play.

Ollifer · 26/08/2023 20:34

TV twice a week seems pretty mean during the summer holidays tbh

Namechange800 · 26/08/2023 21:08

Ollifer · 26/08/2023 20:34

TV twice a week seems pretty mean during the summer holidays tbh

Completely agree with this . It’s the holidays. A bit of tv at that age is fine. You’ve got a lot of hours to fill until she’s back at school!!

Original poster
Clarawade · 26/08/2023 22:58

The reason we keep TV as low as possible is that she gets obsessed with it and then refuses to go out, so we agreed on TV on certain days. It works well on term times, on holidays she's pushing for more but we managed to keep it low.

We do go out all day most days so there isn't much time for TV. Today she's been to the cinema with dad in the morning, then went for a meal, bouncy castle, trampolines, came back at 3:30 pm and at 4 pm she wanted TV, so that was an absolute no!

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 26/08/2023 23:02

She’s out all day every day? She’s probably tired. That’s far too much for one day. She’s not learning to amuse herself at home or chill out without lots of stimulation.
You need to put in consequences. Not say you’re too exhausted to follow through. Or it will get worse year on year.

MeinKraft · 27/08/2023 00:50

Clarawade · 26/08/2023 22:58

The reason we keep TV as low as possible is that she gets obsessed with it and then refuses to go out, so we agreed on TV on certain days. It works well on term times, on holidays she's pushing for more but we managed to keep it low.

We do go out all day most days so there isn't much time for TV. Today she's been to the cinema with dad in the morning, then went for a meal, bouncy castle, trampolines, came back at 3:30 pm and at 4 pm she wanted TV, so that was an absolute no!

Why???? She wanted a bit of chill out time. You're very strict and I'm not surprised you can't keep up the boundaries you've set, or that she's railing against them.

Batatahara · 27/08/2023 06:47

I don't follow why TV after a very busy day was an absolute no? Seems like the perfect/obvious time for some TV!

How strict are you on sweets?

If you're really anti TV, have you looked at at a yoto player? Mine loves some quiet time in his room with his yoto and it really helps calm him down

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