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Original poster

What is it about guitars that make people think everyone wants to hear them?

87 replies

TwatsAndGuitars · 24/08/2023 15:07

Sitting outside a cafe and some guitar wanker appears. I spot him and know what's coming next. He starts singing and playing. They almost always do. WTF is it about acoustic guitar players that makes them think that everyone in the general vicinity wants to hear them? You don't tend to get spontaneous unnecessary public performances by flautists or violinists, or do you? I don't count street performers in this btw. Just the guitar wankers who start randomly playing in cafes,restaurants and other public spaces where people are usually paying to be.

OP posts:
BrassyLocks · 25/08/2023 11:51

Farmageddon · 24/08/2023 15:39

Oh god this takes me back to house parties in my 20's when at a certain time of the night one of the guys would take out his guitar and play for aaaages, and we were just supposed to sit there rapturous at his talent.

I even got shushed once for continuing a conversation. Plus you can't even leave the room because then you look rude. And why do they alway have a constipated look on their face when they play, do they think it makes them look thoughtful or something?

Definitely even worse in a public place. If I wanted to hear someone play guitar I will buy a ticket to a band I like.

I was just coming on to say the same thing re facial expressions! Had an ex who used to push out his lower lip in a weird kind of pout. That was back in my uni days. If any guy now offered to play guitar for me I'd straight up tell them it's not my favourite instrument, and if that wasn't enough of a hint I'd bin them off 😠

Merapi · 28/08/2023 19:35

HelpMeGetThrough · 24/08/2023 15:47

Unless Mark Knopfler rocks up and starts playing, the guitar wankers should bugger off, as they are 99% of the time, shit.

I'm married to someone who can (and does) play like Mark Knopfler. He is not one for whipping a guitar out every time anybody looms into view. Not unless he's being paid, that is. 😂

Fernticket · 28/08/2023 21:33

BaaCode · 25/08/2023 00:29

I was once camping and a bloke started badly twanging a guitar, which was bad enough, but then his mate joined in on a bongo!
Eventually another camper, a very angry looking lady stormed over to them and threatened to shove the bongos up his arse while breaking the guitar over his mates head.
I hid inside my tent desperately muffling my laughter with my sleeping bag.

This made me laugh out loud. I wish I had been there to see it, I'm glad I wasn't there to hear it though 😊😂

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Music
HulaChick · 28/08/2023 22:14

Well you're all a miserable lot! Although I wouldn't want them to play unasked in a restaurant, I can't see any harm in someone playing a guitar on a beach or on a bench somewhere. At keast they've bothered to learn to play an instrument which takes a lot more talent than xbox wankers and gamer twats. I'd much rather see someone play a guitar and be interested in music than some self obsessed guy dressed from head to foot in designer shite.

Astronaut79 · 28/08/2023 23:43

HulaChick · 28/08/2023 22:14

Well you're all a miserable lot! Although I wouldn't want them to play unasked in a restaurant, I can't see any harm in someone playing a guitar on a beach or on a bench somewhere. At keast they've bothered to learn to play an instrument which takes a lot more talent than xbox wankers and gamer twats. I'd much rather see someone play a guitar and be interested in music than some self obsessed guy dressed from head to foot in designer shite.

Honestly, if I took it upon myself to start plinking away on a guitar, you would not thank me. In my head I sound frigging amazing. As long as you all wait 3 seconds for me to play a b chord and it ignore my barre chords. You'd also all have to like gram parsons and Alice in chains.

Farmageddon · 29/08/2023 10:01

HulaChick · 28/08/2023 22:14

Well you're all a miserable lot! Although I wouldn't want them to play unasked in a restaurant, I can't see any harm in someone playing a guitar on a beach or on a bench somewhere. At keast they've bothered to learn to play an instrument which takes a lot more talent than xbox wankers and gamer twats. I'd much rather see someone play a guitar and be interested in music than some self obsessed guy dressed from head to foot in designer shite.

If somebody took their xbox or playstation out to the beach or on the street and started playing loudly, you can be sure people would start grumbling about that too.
That's not being miserable, it's about being respectful of other people - and it's not necessarily the thing they are playing - it's the noise pollution and imposition of it on other people trying to enjoy a shared space.

Farmageddon · 29/08/2023 10:02

HulaChick · 28/08/2023 22:14

Well you're all a miserable lot! Although I wouldn't want them to play unasked in a restaurant, I can't see any harm in someone playing a guitar on a beach or on a bench somewhere. At keast they've bothered to learn to play an instrument which takes a lot more talent than xbox wankers and gamer twats. I'd much rather see someone play a guitar and be interested in music than some self obsessed guy dressed from head to foot in designer shite.

Also...why do you assume that someone playing guitar isn't self obsessed?

squashyhat · 29/08/2023 10:21

Merapi · 24/08/2023 17:11

Could be worse. Could be the bagpipes.

DH and I were walking on Seaford Head last year (about as far from Scotland as you can be in the UK) and some guy starts up with the bagpipes. He was actually quite good (I think - hard to tell really) but I can just imagine his family having had enough and telling him to go and play on a cliff.

A large section fell down a few weeks later. Maybe loosened by the vibrations Grin

FlowersareEverything · 29/08/2023 10:59

Buchanan Street, Glasgow. Guitar playing singer mournfully squealing The Fields of Athenry on a daily basis. Twenty yards away there’s an Accordian player belting out tunes from Dr Zhivago or similar,(with the recorded background music being louder than him). Move on a little and you have a girl screeching ballads, loving herself, and waiting patiently to be discovered. you will then find another guitar playing singer wailing like a banshee before you come to someone eating fire or performing some other circus act.
Then you get to the Lone bloody Piper. Ouch.

Finally, and to everyone’s genuine delight, you reach the wee old man who’s wearing a white bubble coat down to his ankles, 1970s trainers and sunglasses, while disco dancing to pre-recorded music. He is accompanied by some dancing soft toys and everyone loves him. Tourists stop to take pictures. 🙂

I’ve just described my daily commute. (Although I didn’t mention the cyclists also trying to kill me walking along the pedestrianised street!)

GreyCarpet · 29/08/2023 11:32

🤣 I completely agree, OP. It's cos they're wankers.

I play the guitar and play bass guitar in a band. I play in the house a lot so I do enjoy playing.

But I cannot stand those people who just sit outside a tent, a shop, on the beach and start playing. I don't even play in the back garden because I hate it so much!

I'm married to someone who can (and does) play like Mark Knopfler. He is not one for whipping a guitar out every time anybody looms into view. Not unless he's being paid, that is.

Yep. It's never actual musicians who do it - only ever the people who know a few chords and a handful of songs. Look at me! Look at me and what I can do!

It's awful!

JamSandle · 29/08/2023 11:34

Guitars aren't even the best instrument to listen to. It makes me cringe when someone cracks out the guitar.

GreyCarpet · 29/08/2023 11:34

HulaChick · 28/08/2023 22:14

Well you're all a miserable lot! Although I wouldn't want them to play unasked in a restaurant, I can't see any harm in someone playing a guitar on a beach or on a bench somewhere. At keast they've bothered to learn to play an instrument which takes a lot more talent than xbox wankers and gamer twats. I'd much rather see someone play a guitar and be interested in music than some self obsessed guy dressed from head to foot in designer shite.

It's the very definition of self obsession.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/08/2023 11:45

If anyone wanted to hear you play Kevin, you'd have a paying gig. Now fuck off.

Campsites, universities, parks and a certain kind of party. All the guitar wankers can fuck off.

QuiltedHippo · 29/08/2023 11:49

Also came on to mention the Barbie film, it gave me a shock realisation how much of my teens was spent politely listen to some boy strumming away. Awful!

roundtable · 29/08/2023 11:59

I think it's the earnestness of that certain breed of guitar player. If they were playing a lively/fun song that everyone could join into it wouldn't be so bad. Like you get in some local pubs in certain areas. I don't mind that.

Crooning some Coldplay song with his eyes half closed. No. Just no.

Sosbanfachtheresatellyinmybath · 29/08/2023 12:36

My old neighbour used to get his harmonica out when he'd had a few. One night he was absolutely steaming and stumbled and dropped it over my wall (he didn't realise where it went). I took great pleasure in stamping on the fucking thing and lobbing it in the bin 🤣

Bananas1350 · 29/08/2023 13:05

Where I am is fairly posh… we have a harp player.

dubyalass · 29/08/2023 13:19

You've just reminded me of a friend who bought some bongos at a music festival and sat there "mournfully patting" them, as a PP so beautifully put it, for what felt like days, until a nearby camper became so enraged that he lobbed a full can of beer at my pal, skilfully smashing the base of the bongos. I wanted to shake the beer lobber's hand.

My friend is actually a talented drummer but his skills didn't stretch to the bongos. And don't get me started on the trustafarian wannabe didgeridoo players. Blighted many a free party and festival in the 90s.

Plasmodesmata · 29/08/2023 13:26

Ah, MAMWAGs.

Plasmodesmata · 29/08/2023 13:29

When I was a teacher we'd occasionally get visiting speakers for assembly. You'd know you'd be in for an awkward time when they rocked up with an acoustic guitar and "a song I wrote myself".

MagpiePi · 29/08/2023 13:41

Moonmelodies · 29/08/2023 10:31

This is what I was thinking of too. Brilliant!!

TotalOverhaul · 29/08/2023 13:43

PollyCreo · 24/08/2023 15:21

Did they start playing 'Don't Look Back in Anger'?

LOL Don't they always? Mind you, a Guitar Wanker once started playing that on the tube platform before the last train and the entire platform joined in. It was so sweet. Like something out of a Richard Curtis movie. We all wandered onto the train still singing.

TotalOverhaul · 29/08/2023 13:47

QuiltedHippo · 29/08/2023 11:49

Also came on to mention the Barbie film, it gave me a shock realisation how much of my teens was spent politely listen to some boy strumming away. Awful!

I went to Barbie with a bunch of friends. When that scene came on two of us collapsed into hysterics and the others stared at us. Clearly two of us had put up with that shit far too many times and the others had had lucky escpaes.

ExofGW · 29/08/2023 14:18

@NeverDropYourMooncup it sounds like you know my ex.

He rediscovered the guitar of his youth. He played for hours, days, weeks, he stopped having his hair cut, he made new friends. His whole world became music. He was one for the obsessions.

I haven't seen Barbie but the post about that made me laugh as his name was actually Ken. I'll need to go and see the film now.

He would get upset at me closing the door so I didn't have to hear his constant guitar wankery. He was one for the victimhood.

He wasn't getting the recognition he felt he deserved with his music. We listened to a programme about people who played in orchestras. I asked him if he would like to play in an orchestra, thinking it would at least give him the chance to play in public. Quite seriously he said "Oh no, it wouldn't give me the chance to shine".

I've been told he's now working in a shop.