At what age did you allow your children to play out alone?

[aperolspritzbasicbitch]

Just that really.

I have a 9 year old daughter. She's never played outside of the garden alone, it's just not a step we've wanted, or needed, to take yet.

Yesterday, we went to a small park on the estate next to ours - 2/3 mins walk from our front door, so not visible or within earshot of our home.
There was a girl the school year below her in the park alone, although she does live closer to the park.

When it was almost time to leave, she said she wanted to stay behind with her friend for 5 minutes, rather than leave with me and her sister. At first I said it was best to get back together, but then her sister had a little fall and needed to get home straight away, and I felt bad at the suddenness of leaving her friend so said she could.

Now, call me a dramatic prick if you want, but as soon as we got back to the house I just felt panic in my chest, so after a quick chat with DP (which was him telling me to relax and stay) I started the walk back to the park to meet her. She was probably about a minute away when we met - and she said she was cross with me for coming back out.

Today she's wanted to leave the house before me so she can make her way to the park alone, so she's defo interested in a bit more independence.

She doesn't have a phone, so any time she's away from me there is no way to contact each other.

Am I being overprotective? Should I let her make her own way there/stay for a bit and follow behind a few mins later? How the hell do you make yourself relax??

Hi OP, you've asked a very important question, the lack of responses is very telling.
I know about 2-3 families with young children who "play out" independently, they either live on an estate where everybody's back garden backs on to a common green space that can only be accessed by those living on the estate or they live in a close/ cul-de-sac where the kids knock for each other and parents can see them through the windows.
The culture of children playing outside independent of adults seems to have vanished from our culture.

At 9 and 2-3 mins walk without busy roads to cross yes I would. So much depends on variables though I don't think a blanket age X is possible. It also depends on the child.

In my friendship circle only one friend lets her 9yo play out, with a group of other kids of mixed ages. These kids are always playing football and round each other's houses, it's not planned where they'll be, but group of parents use whatsapp to keep tabs. This is the exception though. The vast majority of the 9yos don't go anywhere alone yet or play out without parents. I let my Dd play out once with a group of kids, the mum said she'd be keeping an eye but I found out after that she really doesn't. It's not a green space, it's an alleyway into town with a pub at the end! So I don't class that as OK. Luckily the instigators then moved away so I didn't have to worry about what to say. I confess though I'm massively jealous of my friend whose son does have the freedom. My Dd would love it. She's increasingly bored at home. I keep looking at other houses where she might have more freedom but we can't really afford to move.

Mine are 6 and 10 and neither play out alone out of sight. I like them where I can see them all the time as they don't have phones. There's nothing wrong with wanting your kids close, and there is plenty of time for freedom when they go to high school and have a phone etc

It's completely dependent on where you live, the set up etc. I live in a very safe cul de sac with a park at the end so my 11, 8 and even my 5 year old go out by themselves (the youngest is only allowed when with her brothers though).

I’ll probably be in the minority but I didn’t let dd out alone till she was secondary age - starting with the 10 min walk to school etc. If she went to friends houses I’d drop her off and pick her up, the parents were the same as us so they didn’t play out whilst there. We live in a very safe, nice, south Norfolk town and a lot of the other parents here let their kids play out from 5/6 (!) at the local small housing estate play areas but there’s no way I would have ever let her do that. (She’s now 21). Ds is now 11 but he has severe autism so obviously the same rules won’t apply (!)

Mine did from age 7on the street. The park was a bit further away so year 5 Children thrive on independence.

DD is 9, will be 10 in May, she's allowed to walk to the co-op by herself which is a 2 min walk no big roads and she goes and plays with a couple of friends on our road, they play inside this time of year either at ours or theirs, and outside when it's dry, just at the front of the houses.

She's feeling her independence though and has asked a couple of times to be allowed to go to the park, I don't think we're far from saying yes.

No phone but she has a watch and we ask for a check in with us after an hour.

We live with a middle school system so from Y5 the expectation is your child will get themselves to and from school, in our case a 25 minute scoot. We therefore were allowing our 9yo to have more independence from June y4, when she was not long 9. Walk to the shop, go ahead to the park with me following on. But we got her a phone with everything locked down except calling and messaging us and another emergency contact, and tracking. If I knew the park was quiet and she was 2 minutes away, I'd be fine with that.

My DSs aged 8 & 9 (almost 10 now but they did do it in the summer) are allowed out to play in the cul de sac at the end of the road. They have strict instructions to stay together, go no further and they have to check in with me every 30 minutes.

It makes me a bit twitchy but the eldest is very sensible and it's good for them to start with a bit of independence.

My 9 year old dd(10 in May) goes to her friends round the corner and has just started walking the 7 to 8 minute walk to school and also walking the same distance to the local shop too. We do live in a small rural community though. If I lived in a large town or city with busy roads I would be more worried about her. I think at that age its good for them to start having a little independence.

I've let mine out alone to play together since 6 and 9. I let the oldest out earlier from say 7 or 8

Not in the UK and it is totally normal here.

From 6, which is Year 1 where we live, my kids could go to the playground with others in summer. It's pretty much universal where I live that kids start going out and about with friends round their immediate neighbourhood once they're in school. I pop out to check on them every so often.

My youngest is 6 now and he's not allowed out and about after dark or completely by himself (has to be with other children), but my 8 year old is all over the place with her friends and walks alone round our little town. I couldn't keep her from that here without making her a weirdo and seriously stunting her social life.

And yes, the first time you let your baby out without an adult it is nerve wracking. You just get over it after a few times when you see that they're fine and taking it in their stride.

No way. I couldn’t relax. Secondary school for me, the same time they get a phone and can call if they need to. Has worked well

Mine went to the park over the road with friends from year 5. He'd be over there up to an hour but it's a 30 second walk from the house.
I think you need to consider that once they're at secondary (11ish) they are probably going to be walking to school & back plus possibly spending some time in the house alone if you work. There's very little availability the way of childcare for older children. We felt 9-10 was a good age to gradually build independence.

Never. It's not really a thing where I live, I live on a main road anyway. I let him out alone from Year 7 but they didn't "play out" they would wander to McDonald's and the like.

Nope.

Apart from playing out in our cul de sac, never alone in the park up the road

No need really, we have a large garden, friends always welcome here

I did when they were about 9 years old, under very spoecific circumstances. Our house backs onto a farm and they were friends with the farmer's son (similar age) so climbed over our fence to play with him in the fields. Allowed to play out front for very short periods - about 30 mins, on summer evenings if I knew an older boy who lived up the street was with them. No need to cross the street as there was a small green at the top of our street where the older boys set up small ramps for bikes and skateboards, and DS could ride his go kart. They didn't do it a lot - not every evening and all weekend like we did when we were their age, but enough to have some memories and a taste of independence.

And to be honest, these days, too many reports of teens being mugged of their phones in parks for my liking. I much prefer to have an open house/safe space for friends to come and chill - cheap pizza, movie, Spotify, job done

I depends where you live. Mine played out at 7 and 5 in a mixed group with a group of neighbours children aged 5-8. Our back gardens had gates to a path that led to a playing field. Parents would take it in turns to check regularly, the older couple in the house nearest the field were kind and the kids all knew that house was the closest if they needed an adult quickly. I think traffic is the biggest danger to kids and there was zero risk. All the village kids and teens used the field and it was their world. And none of them had phones, but they were told they must look out for each other.

Yep. I always preferred this.

I let my eldest out from around 7/8 yo on his own with friends as they were all out alone playing at the park. Unfortunately it ended up he was sexually assaulted by a boy a year younger than him.

If I could go back in time I would.

Mine have both played out independently with friends from age 8. In a village, out of sight, without phones, just like I did as a child. To me the benefits vastly outweigh any risks. I feel sorry for the majority of children who never get the opportunity to play out anymore.

Mine played on the street and called for friends who lived on the estate from 7. She's nearly 9 now and I wouldn't consider letting her go off the estate yet, there is a park about 5 mins walk away but i feel she is too young, i probably would want her to have a phone before venturing that far but that won't be happening yet either. I think it very much depends on where you live and the child.