At what age did you allow your children to play out alone?

[aperolspritzbasicbitch]

Just that really.

I have a 9 year old daughter. She's never played outside of the garden alone, it's just not a step we've wanted, or needed, to take yet.

Yesterday, we went to a small park on the estate next to ours - 2/3 mins walk from our front door, so not visible or within earshot of our home.
There was a girl the school year below her in the park alone, although she does live closer to the park.

When it was almost time to leave, she said she wanted to stay behind with her friend for 5 minutes, rather than leave with me and her sister. At first I said it was best to get back together, but then her sister had a little fall and needed to get home straight away, and I felt bad at the suddenness of leaving her friend so said she could.

Now, call me a dramatic prick if you want, but as soon as we got back to the house I just felt panic in my chest, so after a quick chat with DP (which was him telling me to relax and stay) I started the walk back to the park to meet her. She was probably about a minute away when we met - and she said she was cross with me for coming back out.

Today she's wanted to leave the house before me so she can make her way to the park alone, so she's defo interested in a bit more independence.

She doesn't have a phone, so any time she's away from me there is no way to contact each other.

Am I being overprotective? Should I let her make her own way there/stay for a bit and follow behind a few mins later? How the hell do you make yourself relax??

Both my DC have been running small errands on their own (pop to the shop, or post box, or drop a card round to a neighbour etc) since they were about 7, but not playing out for any length of time until a couple of years later.

It depends on where you live - but assuming it’s a fairly safe suburb or small town then she is of an age I’d expect her to start going to the park or local shop on her own.

8 is around when children start pushing for independence anyway, and obviously in a decade she’ll leave home, and will likely be staying away long before that, so it’s around the time you have to allow them to start flapping their wings.

It’s certainly a change, you could follow from a discrete distance the first few times?!

You can get a watch where you can track location and send voice notes back and forth.

I let mine out from age 6 in the cul de sac (while I sat with a cup of tea at the dining table where I could still see them). Letting them go round the corner to the park with no roads to cross was summer term of 6 so 10 as they’re august birthdays (but they’re twins so there were 2 of them). Dd1 just didn’t want to as she’s an introvert and a homebody.

you need to decide based on your dc and how you feel. 9 is young so if you aren’t comfortable then it’s okay to say no or put in perimeters.

Here there are two of dd’s peers ( y5 age 9/10) who are going to the local park alone. It’s not the norm though. Most of her friends are not on the streets on their own. You see a couple more of the year 6’s but even then not many.

Despite one of my children having had a traumatic experience, I agree that it's terrible children are so wrapped in cotton wool. They need to spread their wings and learn some independence. It's unhealthy always being in the house. I let my 8yo out in the street but he knows he can't go beyond that.

I was out playing from aged 7 as a kid years ago and had no phone, just friends, whoever happened to be out at that given time at the local play park. It's sad children are not allowed to just get outdoors nowadays.

My older two naturally saw their friends going out around aged 7 so wanted to go out and play too. That was just over a decade ago.

I'm currently live in front of the park. My youngest has been playing out since she was around 6. She has friends on the estate and now she is 10 they often scoot around the estate or go to the neighbouring estate's park (no roads to cross) or the wooded footpath which is behind my house (about 200m walk) I am very lucky to live in a safe place on a small estate and in front of the park. However she has just started going to the local coop with her friends which does involve crossing a main road and a minor road using pedestrian crossings. Yesterday she went by herself as I've put my back out and couldn't go. She was very proud of herself ( she took my phone for emergency contact to her teen sisters number)

I think one of the differences is that she's my youngest so I've done it before. I don't worry so much (I still feel edgy at times) I previously lived on a small square where you could get round all the houses and the park at the back without using the road so my older 2 played out from around 6 (oldest) and 5 (middle child)

My children are also extremely risk averse and compliant (neurodivergent). Playing out has played a huge role in their social development.

I usually give her a time ti be back from the other estate and she takes her crappy phone (no sim so she can't call me) to check the time. She knows she has to tell me if she changes location.

The biggest issue we've have are other children being twats. I'm not bothered about going out and bollocking everyone and don't normally have any comeback because they would never tell their parents how badly behaved they'd been 🤣 also I'm a secondary teacher and I think I have a "vibe".

We lived in busy London (zone2) and I had to make myself be brave and let my daughter walk home in Year 6. A 7 minute walk. There are plenty of strange people about and also lots of good people, but London is busy. I bought an apple air tag so I could roughly track her.

I wouldn’t have let her play alone in a London park. But since moving to the countryside, they can be far from me without my supervision.

At some point you do have to be brave. But only you can decide when it is basically a low risk to let them out of your sight.

My 8 year old plays out on our small quiet road and calls on a couple of friends. Not allowed to leave our road though. Been doing since she was 7. They mostly play in each others houses though. I will let my 10 year old go ahead to the park near us if I know his friends are there and I am intending to join soon.

Children walk to school alone/with friends from about eight years old here and are regularly playing in the park or back street unaccompanied.

So how has it been going? Did you let your DD out now or not yet?

You wouldn’t be in the minority where I am. We’re in a city and no-one lets their kids play out. They are allowed to walk home from school unaccompanied from Year 6, so 10/11 but before then they have to be collected. Aside from that you never see kids out alone round here.

Children need their independence to learn essential skills and gain confidence. With adults around they will always look to them to solve their issues and assume they need them around. I do think this is a major contributor to the rise in mental health issues we are seeing in our young people along with complaints about young people not being able to cope at university and at work. We are doing our children a massive disservice by not allowing them play out independently because of fear. My DS played out from 7. Thankfully we lived somewhere where the children all played out in the street but it was already starting to be common that children didn't play out. And it's got much worse since then. I can't remember the last time I saw children playing out. It's a very sad state of affairs.

Ours never “played out”. They started going into town during the day at weekends with friends/walking to friends’ houses around 12/13.

DD has been allowed to play in the school playground on her own since she was 5, but it is literally next door to us and in a very quiet village - she wasn't out of sight, as I'd always be in the garden. She's rising 7 now and I'll let her go there on her own, but not cross any roads. Friends' slightly older children will come knock on the door and see if she wants to come out to play on their own - they're 7/8. But I think it makes a huge difference that 1) it is a very quiet village and 2) all of us parents have discussed it and we all keep an eye on each other's children.

Mine was around Y5 (aged 9 as he’s one of youngest in the year) which corresponded with being able to walk to and from school alone. We do live in a group of streets which is a long cul de sac with two smaller ones off it, and his pals all live around here. It’s very quiet and car drivers tend to be careful. I may have been more cautious if we lived on a busy road.

He started going to the local shop around Y6. One of his pals is a year older so they tended to go together.

Im more nervous of him being out now in Y7 as he has a phone, there have been a handful of muggings by older kids on younger ones here.

From early age 7 with an xplora watch. When I was a kid I was out all the time from a young age. Children need to be given some freedom to build confidence. Little steps at a time. My son generally ends up playing around front of house. Of he's going elsewhere, e.g. Next estate, he'll 2 come and ask if he can. Once I was happy with my sons ability to cross the road carefully and not do anything stupid.

I forgot all about this post!

Once school started again it wasn't really a conversation - but I suspect it will be again in the next summer break. She'll be 10 then, about to start year 6 (which is when her walking to and from school will start, so I'll have to be more relaxed and let it happen.

We do have AirTags, so she'll have to wear that until she's old enough for a phone.

I think it feels like such a big jump because she's not even played out in our street alone yet. There's not many children around.

My 6 year old plays in the garden alone. There's a little boy next door who's 8. If they are playing together I'm comfortable with them playing on the lane outside on their bikes or in one another's gardens. It's an unmaintained road so cars only come down it very slowly.

It is normal to start playing out, and maybe walking a short route to school in the summer term ofYr4 here (or being dropped off outside rather than parent coming into school grounds). Then more playing out, as well as walking home from school in Yr5.

My 10yo roams a couple of miles on her bike!