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Original poster

Husband just left me - can't go to work

34 replies

Phantosmia · 22/08/2023 15:47

My h of 16yrs left me today. Unexpected. I am a snotty crying mess. I work in a public facing role but I can't deal with it .

I've only been at this job for a month, is it too soon to ask for time off? I just need a day to pull myself together and pack up some stuff. How do I ask my boss?

OP posts:
Elektra1 · 22/08/2023 15:49

I'm sorry this has happened to you. The same happened to me in April very unexpectedly. I soldiered on for a couple of weeks - very unproductively - before telling my boss what was going on and that I needed time off. I took a week and a half - should have taken longer as 4 months on I'm more of a mess than I was back then, on anti-depressants, and unable to focus on work properly. I'll probably end up having to take more time off but am so afraid of losing my job on top of everything else.

piglet81 · 22/08/2023 15:50

Don’t ask - just say unfortunately you’re too ill (eg a vomiting bug) to work if you don’t want to get into details yet, or say you’re dealing with a personal/family crisis if you feel ok saying that.

I’m really sorry - wishing you strength to cope with this Flowers

GarlicGrace · 22/08/2023 15:50

Oh, poor you! What happened?

I think it's perfectly okay to tell your boss, and that you need a day to pull yourself together.

GarlicGrace · 22/08/2023 15:52

I agree with @Elektra1 that you might find you need some more time, and it may hit you later. Are you in a position to book a holiday yet?

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 22/08/2023 15:55

It's okay to call in sick Flowers

Original poster
Phantosmia · 22/08/2023 16:01

I don't know what to say to my boss though.

I'm embarrassed and sad and just a mess right now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Phantosmia · 22/08/2023 16:14

Please can someone tell me it will be ok

I'm scared I will be fired

OP posts:
Summer2424 · 22/08/2023 16:20

Hi @Phantosmia
I'm so sorry you're going through this xx
It will be ok 💛
Honestly it will xx

Summer2424 · 22/08/2023 16:22

@Phantosmia
Are you working today? Xx

Ladyoftheknight · 22/08/2023 16:23

You poor thing, it will be okay. Contact your manager, say an unexpected personal crisis has happened and you need to sort things out. Be honest and ask if taking the rest of the week off will be okay- they will tell you if it's not.

Please also know, if you do for whatever reason lose your job you will be entitled to benefits if you live seperate from your partner.

You say you're packing up, are you moving out? Can we help with the practical side of that?

Chattygirl123 · 22/08/2023 16:25

Same thing happened to me. Ex husband left me and our son who was 3. It was tough and it took time but I got over it. I kept on going to work because the 4 walls in the house would have come down on me and I'd have felt worse. Mind you I wanted to run out of work every minute. Take a minute at a time. Don't force yourself to get over him too quickly. And clear the joint account if you have one because if you don't he will. I promise you you will get over this.

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 22/08/2023 16:25

Phantosmia · 22/08/2023 16:01

I don't know what to say to my boss though.

I'm embarrassed and sad and just a mess right now.

Just lie. Say you have a stomach bug or a migraine or something. It's okay. They don't need to know the truth just yet Flowers

HighywayToHell · 22/08/2023 17:58

You will get through it. I remember when I found out my now ex was trying to get a friend into bed and having an EA with her, going to work was the last thing on my mind but I had to as I needed the job.

my colleague’s were amazing, listened and supported me. I didn’t want to be there but being at home would have been worse. Like a PP said I didn’t want to be there and wanted to get into my car and drive off but I didn’t.

be kind to yourself op, you will get through this.

Yellowshirt · 22/08/2023 18:23

I 2nd what @Chattygirl123 says. When me and my Ex wife split work actually kept me going. Even now 5 years on work is the only thing I get out of bed for.
Do whatever takes your mind of things though. Everyone is different

Hibiscrubbed · 22/08/2023 19:07

I’d probably be honest, but offer no detail.

Pottyberry · 22/08/2023 19:15

@Phantosmia so sorry you are going through this.

You WILL be OK, you'll be fine. You need a bit of time to process this, it's a terrible shock.
If it were me I would tell work the facts, don't have to elaborate, but they may be able to support you.
Do you have real life support? 💐

Original poster
Phantosmia · 22/08/2023 19:55

I have no one. I have no friends here. No family. I am completely alone and I am terrified and broken.

OP posts:
livinglifetothefull · 22/08/2023 19:56

Just tell your boss the truth if you can take some time off.
Your gonna be up set and angry but you will get over this and you will move on .
Ive been there it was awful but it will get better. sending hugs.

Ohyousillydivvy · 22/08/2023 19:58

Just say you have a child 4 hr tummy bug, they won't want you in spreading it so you'll be OK for a day or two. So sorry you're dealing with this alone.

LightSpeeds · 22/08/2023 20:05

Gosh poor you. You must be feeling awful. Thinking of you. Xx

StupidHip · 22/08/2023 20:11

I think call in sick with a vague reason for now and let your boss know the real reason when you're able. You are sick, in that you're not fit for work.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 22/08/2023 20:14

I’d tell the truth, you’ll probably be crying on the phone so they’ll know it’s genuine.

Doubt you’ll be the first woman they’ve had this happen to. I’m so sorry, men are awful.

PurpleSky09 · 22/08/2023 20:15

I'd be honest and tell the truth. You don't have to give too much detail. X

Bluetrews25 · 22/08/2023 20:39

It will be ok.
Most employers would be kind and give you time off, it's cheaper than sacking you and having to re-hire, plus I'd hope they're reasonable people anyway.
If you are honest, then you would get more support from colleagues.

One day at a time Flowers

Furryrug · 22/08/2023 20:44

I would tell them the truth, keep it short and to the point, I definitely wouldn't lie and I wouldn't be vague and say it's a family crisis either as they might not believe you (I had a colleague who used this as an excuse far too many times).
You will be ok , give yourself time to feel however you want to feel. X