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Original poster

Regrets from your past

30 replies

RosaKim · 19/08/2023 21:16

Does anyone sometimes feel wracked with shame or guilt over past actions? I live overseas recently visited home. An old “friend” brought up something from my past that I did, in my early 20’s, in front of lots of people.

I can’t say what it was without being outing but I didn’t hurt anyone - I just feel so stupid and embarrassed that I thought it would be a good idea. People must have thought I was awful and laughed at me.

Just wondered if other people get this regret/shame from time to time or is it just me? I like to think I’m vaguely intelligent but looking back I can’t believe how stupid I was.

OP posts:
PerspiringElizabeth · 19/08/2023 21:17

Nah not just you.

backtoworktomorrow2 · 19/08/2023 21:19

Gosh yes all the time, even now.

Helenahandkart · 19/08/2023 21:21

There are a couple of things I did 30 years ago that are so humiliating that I feel such a wave of shame wash over me when I remember them that I feel physically sick. I wish I could Eternal-Sunshine-of-the-Spotless-Mind them away.
It’s definitely not just you.

LakeTiticaca · 19/08/2023 21:23

You are definitely not alone. I'm still cringing now about things that I said/did nearly fifty years ago 😱

Pal0ma · 19/08/2023 21:25

Having my second child

pizzaHeart · 19/08/2023 21:26

Yes, a lot, especially related to relationships, friends, jobs, parenting, spending money and a few about cooking

Petaldust · 19/08/2023 21:30

I cringe really hard about things and would erase my memory if I could. Other people with me say it wasn’t so bad.

Legselevens · 19/08/2023 21:35

Yes some but I was young and foolish. I do not tend to dwell

purplebluediscorain · 19/08/2023 21:37

Meeting the father of my child in this capacity and having a child with him. Don’t regret my child but I do regret who I had her with.

ifyougochasingrabbits · 19/08/2023 21:42

God so much

I was vile when I was younger 😩 I did so much shit stuff to people

lilila · 19/08/2023 22:09

I struggle so much with this..I would love for this to go away,as regret is a waste of emotional energy.
I'm sure this didn't reflect well on your 'friend' for doing this to you

AquaButton · 19/08/2023 23:36

Plenty.

EmmaPaella · 19/08/2023 23:42

Loads! Your friend doesn’t sound very nice to bring that up.

Atovell · 19/08/2023 23:49

If anyone goes through their life with ‘ no regrets’ or feel no shame or embarrassment for something they once done, they are more than likely a psychopath.

too many situations to name 😂 we learn and we grow.

twoandcooplease · 20/08/2023 01:39

Yes. Lots and lots and the anxiety is horrible. It takes me a long time to get past an unwanted memory. It's like the brain knows you want to forget, so keeps going and going till you feel sick

Original poster
RosaKim · 20/08/2023 01:51

Thanks - sorry to hear it’s not just me but also relieved! I think my brain amplifies memories in the worst possible light as well.

Yea friend has not been very nice. We have gone in different life directions over last twenty years and I wonder if it’s jealousy or trying to bring me down to size.

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 20/08/2023 01:56

Gosh yes! Too many stupid things to mention. I'm old enough and wise enough these days to know that it's usually best to forgive yourself, forget it and move on.

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 20/08/2023 02:00

Yes, it’s usually just as I’m going to sleep the memories creep into my brain.

The ‘friend’ is most likely jealous. I wouldn’t invite them to catch up next time you visit. One way to deal with someone like that is to laugh at yourself, then say oh and remember when… then bring up something they did.

stupidstupidstupidgirl · 20/08/2023 02:01

Only thing I regret is having my kids - don't get me wrong I love them with all my heart and would give them my dying breath if they needed it however I often wonder where my life would be be if I didn't have them.

StellaGibson2022 · 20/08/2023 02:18

RosaKim · 20/08/2023 01:51

Thanks - sorry to hear it’s not just me but also relieved! I think my brain amplifies memories in the worst possible light as well.

Yea friend has not been very nice. We have gone in different life directions over last twenty years and I wonder if it’s jealousy or trying to bring me down to size.

OP, I actually cut off a good friend because she kept bringing up my teenage years - not my finest decade admittedly but to be constantly reminded in my 30s was just too much…

StarlightLady · 20/08/2023 08:22

Quite the opposite of shame, there are several people l regret not having sex with when the opportunity was there.

Hopingforagreatescape · 20/08/2023 08:51

Yes. I sometimes think I'll be glad when the end comes to put a stop to the unwanted memories playing over and over.

TreesWelliesKnees · 20/08/2023 09:00

You're not the same person you were then. Work on letting go of it. Be kind to yourself. Shut down anyone who brings it up. My DF recently brought up my terrible (and embarrassing) first boyfriend from when I was 19 as a 'jokey' example of my bad choices. I am 46. He got my best Paddington glare and was told in no uncertain terms not to raise it again. He has been generally more respectful towards me since then. Sometimes you have to call people out and stick up for yourself. The past is the past. You were young. Forgive your younger self - she didn't know what you know now.

Original poster
RosaKim · 20/08/2023 19:32

@StarlightLady that made me laugh thank you 😂

@TreesWelliesKnees great advice

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 20/08/2023 20:10

@RosaKim - It makes me cry when l think of a night that might have been 😂. And one of them was called Roger, he could have rogered me!