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Original poster

Would you find this a bit off - school-related

42 replies

Frozenone · 19/08/2023 17:52

DS and DNiece are the same primary age/year group and have been at state schools. SIL/BIL have now decided to move DNiece to a private school. SIL tells me the reason for this is:

-They care so much about her education and want what’s best for her and the state sector can’t rival private.
-She feels sorry for those DC in state schools who will never have the opportunities that her DD will get.
-The class sizes are 12-14 and it’s great because the teachers can really get to know the pupils and work with them on their individual needs so that they can progress much better (true), but that this simply isn’t possible in a state class of 30 and she doesn’t know how any child can possibly learn in a state classroom.

-The activities and extra-curricular offered are amazing and DNiece will have a great opportunity to learn so much more than what the state sector can provide, and she feels sorry for anyone stuck in state.
-The teachers are so much better and the state sector is for the second-class teachers who don’t make the grade for private education standards.
-DNiece will make better ‘quality’ friends in private school and there is only one child who she will make the effort to keep in contact with from the state school.

And on and on it went repeating herself endlessly. I thought wtaf? Doesn’t any decent parent want the best for their DC? Who rambles on and about how the very best for a child is a private school and they feel sorry for those in the state sector?

Note: I will preface this by saying I spent 6 years in a private school and my parents were never, ever like this.

OP posts:
DiddyHeck · 19/08/2023 17:54

I mean it's how she feels so she has a right to say it I guess.

She's probably picked the wrong audience though, so if it's making you feel uncomfortable, I'd tell her to stop going on about it.

GeorgeSpeaks · 19/08/2023 17:55

She should STFU really. Obviously this was going to be sensitive and her only comment should have been 'The environment is much more suited to Mary's needs'.

AlwaysFreezing · 19/08/2023 17:57

She didn't think about your feelings one bit there did she?

Interested in this thread?

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General education
YourNameGoesHere · 19/08/2023 17:58

Some people have zero awareness I sincerely hope your child wasn't around to hear any of this. Surely just saying we're moving her as we feel the new school is a better fit for her is all that is needed.

Winter42 · 19/08/2023 17:58

I teach in the state sector. I know quite a few teachers who left and went to work in the private sector because they struggled in state. They were not the best teachers.

panko · 19/08/2023 17:59

No idea why she feels she has to justify herself

Amazongirl9 · 19/08/2023 17:59

Seems to me that she's rude, rubbing your nose in it, and implying that you aren't doing the best for your child.

Leeds2 · 19/08/2023 18:00

Sounds like she is trying to convince herself!

She is obviously entitled to educate her child how she wishes, but she is being very rude to say these sorts of things to you. Let's hope the private school teaches her daughter better manners.

Seaswimmingforthesoul · 19/08/2023 18:09

A bit silly and insensitive of her. She didn't pick her audience well did she!
I know that private education has some benefits but honestly I think so much of it is down to the child and the parenting.
I went to 2 private schools and had the worst time. I was severely bullied by my teacher, to the point where my parents took the school to court. I found private school stifling and uninterested in nurturing my creative side. A lot of the girls I went to private school with are in very average jobs now. I much preferred state school and I know a few from my state high school who are incredibly successful in different industries including graphic design, the medical profession and owning their own world renowned event company.
My DH on the other hand really enjoyed private school and thrived.... but we still ended up at the same company doing the same job.
Private school doesn't guarantee success in any way, shape or form. Take her comments with a pinch of salt. She's probably trying to justify the cost to herself.

Cakeonthefloor · 19/08/2023 18:13

Winter42 · 19/08/2023 17:58

I teach in the state sector. I know quite a few teachers who left and went to work in the private sector because they struggled in state. They were not the best teachers.

Totally this!

edwinbear · 19/08/2023 18:14

She’s incredibly rude. If she takes that snobby attitude into a typical, middle of the road private school, she’s not going to get on very well at all.

Beckafett · 19/08/2023 18:16

Agree with the comment that looks like she is justifying her choice! The bit that really wound me up from your comment was ‘better quality friends’!

Bluevelvetsofa · 19/08/2023 18:38

When I qualified, I was offered several posts. The people from my course who couldn’t get posts in state schools went to private. So she’s completely wrong about the calibre of teachers in the state system.

What will happen, I wonder, if the girl doesn’t do well? Will it be the fault of the school? You do what you feel is best for your child and ignore her bigoted opinions.

WhisperingHi · 19/08/2023 18:40

I don't know, I mean I totally disagree with her, 1) it's unfactual 2) it's rude to go around saying that to parents who use state schools. I'd let her get on with it, on the proviso she stops talking about it.

Is she an anxious perfectionist type person? I think it probably says more about her than anything tbh.

SingingSands · 19/08/2023 18:40

Sounds like she's trying justify the change to herself. She's signed herself for a lot of years of expense so she's obviously going to make it sound like the best thing ever.

Swanslikeme · 19/08/2023 18:42

All frills and no knickers!

And often the private sector has lower standards when it comes to teaching.

TeamLoganHuntzberger · 19/08/2023 18:43

This. I’m a state school teacher and the only teachers I know who have gone private did so as they can’t cope, and are NOT high quality at all

Lemonademoney · 19/08/2023 18:47

What an odd conversation to have with a parent who has a child in state school. She’s either trying to justify her decision or bragging… perhaps her daughter is struggling in a mainstream school and they hope private will help and it’s the anxiety around it all that’s making her vent about it? My friends daughter is now at private school after struggling hugely in state school and for her it has absolutely been the right decision.

Coronationstation · 19/08/2023 18:54

You just have to hold out and hope the DD gets better exam results in a few years time ;)

Coronationstation · 19/08/2023 18:55

dS sorry not DD!

LyndaLaHughes · 19/08/2023 18:59

Winter42 · 19/08/2023 17:58

I teach in the state sector. I know quite a few teachers who left and went to work in the private sector because they struggled in state. They were not the best teachers.

This with bells on. If anything it's the other way round.

Sheruns · 19/08/2023 19:07

I mean she's completely tactless, but as a teacher in a state primary, I think she's right about every point except the teachers being better in private schools. I know a number of teachers who moved from private to state and couldn't cope with a "normal class size" and The spread of ability you get in state.

FloreatEtona · 19/08/2023 19:11

The private school teachers I know are excellent, and the state ones not, but the number of teachers I know is limited.
Smaller class sizes are preferable.
Having said that, not all state schools are bad and not all private schools are good, and how well a child does academically depends on far more than class size, quality of teaching and the 'quality' of the classmates.

I'd tell her 'Yes, SIL, I think you've already made your opinions on private vs state known, we don't need to hear them again'

stayingaliveisawayoflife · 19/08/2023 19:18

There are elements I agree with but that is only because of the chronic underfunding of the state education system.

Teaching wise you do not have to have a teaching qualification to teach in a private school. I once went for a job in a private school and did a phone interview. I talked about my B Ed and my Masters in education and my ten years experience and was offered the job. I asked for confirmation about the pay and was offered £27,000 as a starting pay. I asked why it was so low and was told it was because I only had 20 children in the class. I refused and wondered who would accept such low pay just because the class size was small.

I still work in the public sector and just hope things will improve so that all children can have full and fulfilling educational experiences without it being a result of the their parents having to commit large amounts of money.

Clettercletterthatsbetter · 19/08/2023 19:24

Your SIL sounds like a prick. I have one child in private and one in state (and the third will also go to state when he reaches school age).

Yes, private school has advantages (small classes, extra curriculars, etc.) but I’ve found the teachers in both schools to be brilliant, and both my children have made some lovely friends. In fact, my state educated child has better friendships because his friends are local, whereas his sister’s friends travel from a wide area to get to school, so she doesn’t get to see them much outside school.