Would you find this a bit off - school-related

[Frozenone]

DS and DNiece are the same primary age/year group and have been at state schools. SIL/BIL have now decided to move DNiece to a private school. SIL tells me the reason for this is:

-They care so much about her education and want what’s best for her and the state sector can’t rival private.
-She feels sorry for those DC in state schools who will never have the opportunities that her DD will get.
-The class sizes are 12-14 and it’s great because the teachers can really get to know the pupils and work with them on their individual needs so that they can progress much better (true), but that this simply isn’t possible in a state class of 30 and she doesn’t know how any child can possibly learn in a state classroom.

-The activities and extra-curricular offered are amazing and DNiece will have a great opportunity to learn so much more than what the state sector can provide, and she feels sorry for anyone stuck in state.
-The teachers are so much better and the state sector is for the second-class teachers who don’t make the grade for private education standards.
-DNiece will make better ‘quality’ friends in private school and there is only one child who she will make the effort to keep in contact with from the state school.

And on and on it went repeating herself endlessly. I thought wtaf? Doesn’t any decent parent want the best for their DC? Who rambles on and about how the very best for a child is a private school and they feel sorry for those in the state sector?

Note: I will preface this by saying I spent 6 years in a private school and my parents were never, ever like this.

I mean she’s probably right but she should be more sensitive.

I say this as someone who works in state and moved mine to indie a couple of years ago, everyone should be a lot more angry about the state of education at the moment.

That said since I moved mine I barely breathe a word about it and my friends have notably taken less interest in how they are doing and have at times been hostile to me regarding my (very fortunate to be able to make) decision.

She sounds like a complete muppet, with her expectations of meeting "quality" people. Poor cow.

Agreed. She sounds completely tone deaf and very self involved.

I can be a bit petty and political about these things - so I probably would have come back with a remark about how detached private school kids are from realities of life and the experience of most people and you really wouldn't want your children to be so blinkered and ignorant about the world they live in.

More mature to just smile, nod and stay quiet though. If you can bear it.

The teachers are so much better and the state sector is for the second-class teachers who don’t make the grade for private education standards.

Well this isn't true, the same teacher move between the sectors during their careers. If I am looking for a job, I consider state and private vacancies, and have worked in both, but the terms and conditions are often significantly better in state.

I wonder if she’s trying to justify her decision as she feels uncomfortable on some level? My kids are at private school and whilst the smaller classes can be an advantage (not for all kids,
what if you don’t like the other children in your tiny class?) but the quality of teaching can be a lottery like in any school. Hopefully she’ll get over herself very soon and be a little less tedious…

Remind her that you can’t buy brains. Opportunities yes but not intelligence.

Lots of the parents in a private school are a complete pain in the ass. She sounds like she’ll fit right in!

I know teachers who only teach in the independent sector because they would be eaten alive in the state sector. The teachers are not necessarily better!

The comment about making better quality friends reminds me of a friend who when someone said bullying could still happen in a private school replied with ‘yes, but it’s a better class of bully.’

Your sil sounds nervous and trying to justify herself to you.

Do you have a good relationship? Do you intimidate her? Maybe she's mentioned to others and they got snotty about it so she feels she really needs to egg the pudding?

Maybe she's not sure herself and it's a worrying financial outlay sorry trying to justify it to herself.

Oh my goodness.🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Bullying is not dealt with well in private schools in my experience. They don't want to upset the parents of the bully and risk losing the fees.
I had am exceptionally bad time with bullying at a private school.

So sorry to hear you had an awful time. Fortunately my children have so far had a very positive experience at a private school but I still cannot believe the better class of bully comment. Doesn’t matter who they are or where they’re from, if someone is a bully then they make other children’s lives miserable and it is not ok.

I concur. I know two young teachers who decamped to private schools because they couldn't hack it in a state school. Private schools, unless they are one of the famous
ones, are often ill equipped when compared to a state school. The truth is that a good state school is every bit as good as a private school

One of my close friends sent her DS private at age 13. Our DC's had been at state school together and childishly I was quite offended initially, as though we didnt care about our own DD enough to do the same.

Actually the state school is one of the best in the country and my DD, who is academic and confident is storming it and being encouraged to think about Oxford.

My friend was so careful about my delicate feelings, explaining that she was concerned her DS would coast in a larger school and waste his potential because he would always take the easier path. He is doing so well there because he can't hide in a larger class and whilst the school actually isnt as academic, he is achieving much more and has really come out of himself.

She certainly wasn't justifying why my choice was worse than hers.

Obviously completely tactless of her to say it to you!!!
But, IME, what she said is largely true.
It’s also true that some private school teachers would be ‘eaten alive’ in a large state school - that doesn’t mean they are worse teachers though, it means they are less good at crowd control which is not the same! Teaching maths in small classes to people who largely want to learn and whose parents want them to learn requires a very different skill set to teaching bottom set y9 on a Friday afternoon! That’s why teachers accept the often lower pay and longer hours - it’s a pleasant place to work, you can teach - it’s intense and high pressure but we have highly staff retention and teachers v rarely are off school with work related stress. The classes are smaller so we can really get to know each child. It’s more like tutoring in some ways. I could talk to the parents of every child I teach about their work with no notice or need to look at my marks and it’s only just after half term - this is not what I’ve experienced for my own dc at state schools!!
I couldn’t teach in a state school - I wouldn’t have the discipline (well, I might now I’m older, as a 5ft 21 year old inexperienced female I definitely didn’t). I am, however, a very good teacher in my academically non-selective private school because I really know my stuff and how to get the best out of pupils! I enjoy teaching not facing a hostile audience! (PGCE in state system put me off big time!!).

She's right about some of it, but not all of it.
She's lacking in social awareness to keep banging on about it.

She is voicing her opinion, I don't need to take it on, if I what I am doing with my child works for them/us why would it matter what others say or do

I do find this 'oh they cant say that as it reflects on me' thing getting more and more tiresome