16 should be able to sort own food out??

[Freezinghot666]

16 year old is doing my head in over food. When ever he's hungry he comes into the living room . Going on and on at me . He just won't stop and it stresses me. I have told him If he's hungry to make himself something. I don't care what he does I don't restrict him in anyway.

I do cook for him when doing family meals. But if he does not want what I'm cooking or he's out. Or asleep. Unless it's the type of meal that can be reheated/saved then he has to sort himself out .

Also if he wants to eat before I'm ready to cook then also I tell him To sort himself out.

I just think at 16 he's old enough not to go on at me like he does .

What I don't understand is why so many posters can't/won't/don't read the OP's OP, when she makes it crystal clear what the problem is, and keep asking the same fucking questions that are already addressed in the OP.

Worse than her son.

Our 16 year old is the same.. I feel your pain.

Things that helped us.

I've given him the gousto app so he can choose one of the weekly meals, I take him to Aldi to stock up on his fridge snacks so he can't say there is nothing he wants!

I put in place a snack cupboard that's only filled weekly- biscuits, crisps, rice cakes and cereal bars.

The fruit bowl is used as well, just asked him what he likes.

I bought a drinks small blender and protein shakes and frozen fruit so he can knock up smoothies.

And we bought and air fryer, and I got an air fryer recipe book.

I basically said I'm sick to death of the arguments over food so did all of the above.

We have mealtimes, cook at 6-7ish but have older teens, I work late etc so a busy family in and out, so now I know he can cook his own snacks and teas.

Putting these things in place helped everyone to be honest but it's drastically reduced the moaning.

I do think he comes to talk sometimes, the "I'm hungry" means I'd like to chat.

Interesting how it's only the DS's and not DD's of 16 who are mentioned as doing this. 🤔

I didn't say do it for him, but simple suggestions such has having regular meal times, or a shopping list that that he can add things to seems reasonable adaptions that you could introduce and you flat out refuse. Your home sounds chaotic and disorganised and this can really affect teens. He sounds like he just wants some adult input, a conversation and a say in his home life.

Tell him he can have a shit sandwich.

Or if he prefers, he can look in the kitchen and sort himself out.

Yes, my 13 yo makes her own lunch and gets herself snacks etc.. sometimes she will say Mum is it ok if I use the oven/stove, but that's it, she is happy to cook oven food, make noodles, toasties etc

Attention seeking, OP. Don't allow him to bully you like this, it's no way for a man to be.

I guess one possible interpretation is because you don't have routines it's hard for him to settle into one too, and naturally he's going to defer to you because it's your house.

No one can make you have routines if you don't want one, but I think it's quite unsettling to live in a house where there aren't any norms around which to build your own habits.

It's your house, your rules, but I feel like it's not much fun all round. That's just the mood coming back from posts.

I’ve a 16 yo at at home and they are defo at that stage of been at home too long without school after the exams. On weeks she works, she’s much more pleasant to be around as she’s been out of the house and had other human interaction.
Do you think it’s boredom coming out a different way?

Put a heat alarm in your kitchen.

Hopefully it will be loud enough to wake you where you sleep so you can get everyone out.

Though to be fair the biggest risk if you have gas is that he leaves the gas on, so you need to have ventilation e.g. window open a crack.

Looking at my own ds, who both eat A LOT, the lack of meal times/regularity would be an issue for them.

it’s nit because ‘we are all suppose to eat together at set times’ but because physiologically, they’d end hungry all the time.
My dcs have also told me things like ‘there is nothing to eat in this house’ and ‘I’m hungry’ and then when asked about wha5 they mean, what they are actually saying is ‘I’m craving for a proper meal/proteins+carbs not biscuits or a toastier’. Actually not even pasta but a ‘proper’ cooked meal.

So I’m wondering if the issue isn’t more about him not getting the nutrients he needs at the right time rather than him being difficult.

Also being hangry and unable to think when hungry has been an issue in the house too….

I remind my 15 and 11 year olds they know where the kitchen is.

My (just) 15yo is at home 3 days a week in the holidays. He can make sandwiches, wraps, soup, pot noodles/pasta, or something on toast. Or he goes put with his mates and buys something with his own pocket money.
He doesn't have breakfast because he is usually asleep.

Sit him.down- not when hevis having a moan- perhaps when he is replete and tell him. I would expect him.yo eat at family times if he is in.if he is out then he can reheat. If he hungry it is up to him.to.mske snacks. U might want him.to put a note on frudge if he fi wishes something so whever is in charge of shopping knows. You are not his personal cook.

When my DS was 16 and got hungry in the middle of the night, he actually baked himself a cake! I would have had no idea if he'd not told me (to explain missing ingredients) as there was no evidence of either the cake or mess/washing up in the morning!

OP I totally understand your pain! I have a 16 year old DS who is similar, though couldn't probably cook a proper meal like your's can. Since his exams finished the "rule" has been he gets his own lunch (toastie, sandwich, scrambled egg on toast for example) and snacks each day and we (DH or me) cook an evening meal for everyone.

DS will still try and get one of us to make his lunch or snacks every day as he is just not interested in cooking and would much prefer to lie on the sofa and have the food prepared for him. He pleads (in a quite endearing way) but with 2 younger teen siblings who have zero problem with making their own daytime food, we try and resist. Mine is just intrinsically lazy I think. It's definitely not how he's been brought up as the other 2 are more than capable. I do wonder though if it is something to do with being the first born as other male members of the wider family in that position have similar traits!!

To answer your original question "should a 16 year old be able to sort own food out"

Yes but some might need guidance on what to have or make and Id expect them to ask before cooking.

So a conversation like:
"mum i want something to eat"
"Ok theres egg on toast/toast/pasta/sandwich or toast/cereal.

"Can you make me something"
"No, you know where the kitchen is do it yourself"

Some good advice in this thread.

A 16 year old still need advice and guidance. You rightly do not need nagging at but maybe have two or three snack he can have-
Toast/ pasta/ cereal and trot this line out every single time he choses from those and if he nags he gets consequences?

Yo do sound very stressed though and as if this is the last straw. I suggest meal planning and including snacks ideas on that but that has been suggested and sounds like it is to much for you. We do this or someone might eat whats for tea!

My 15 year old daughter is a bit like this.
“Mum I’m hungry….what have we got?”
I often say something like -
“Dunno….have you looked in the cupboard/fridge?”.
She will then say “you look”
So I say “Well you either look yourself or wait for me to finish what I am doing and I will look” (even if I am not actually doing anything).
It’s 50/50 in whether she goes and looks herself or gives up and wanders off.
It’s annoying.
@Freezinghot666 you’re going to have to keep repeating “go look in the fridge/cupboard - I am sure you will find something”. If he’s that hungry he will do it.

I Need to be clearer I think . Regarding my op. I was moaning/sounding of about DS and asking if 16 year olds are capable of cooking and obviously some have shared things that their children do.

People keep repeating, let him choose stuff when you do the food shop. have a routine, let him join the meal plan. . Your home is chaotic.

No im not doing the above. Ds is 16 not 6. If he's hungry before I decide to cook main meal then he can cook himself weather that's a snack or a main meal. That's down to him. He knows how to do this stuff he does not need me to tell him how to do it all he knows. My other kids who are younger than him can get basic snacks they don't come to me demanding I'm hungry I'm hungry. Without even looking.

The world's not going to fall apart because there's no set meal time . If your hungry eat .

I'm now expecting a thread full of . Your home is chaotic. Your poor child .

That's appalling and very annoying. He's an adult, he could be a parent himself. Have a very strict conversation. And if he wants other food, buy it himself from his income from his job which he needs if he doesn't already work

And to your point about him cooking his own meal - surely this gets very expensive with extra food and use of oven/hob. Much more cost effective for everyone to have one meal.

That's the other extreme 🤣 he's not an adult . But he's also not a small child he is capable of cooking etc. But he's not a (big grown adult) he does not have his own income.

Does he have his own money? If so, I'd charge him a tenner every time he gets me up off the sofa to point at food in the kitchen that he can have. He can bring me the cash to my hand before I get up. Like fuck will it include prepping any of it. If he hasn't got the cash to hand he can either go to the bank or do without your help and he can certainly fuck off to moan out of my earshot or there would be a consequence of sorts. I might, MIGHT on shopping day, take him to the fridge/cupboards and point at things he can make a snack with this week.

I turned veggie when I was about 13 and pretty much cooked for myself from then on (I cooked a lot before as I enjoyed it anyway and mum was a brilliant cook and taught me loads).

I made sure that DS had cookery classes from when he was little and he is a good cook (although will merrily have those noodles in pots and dump ketchup on top so not exactly a gourmet). He does make the whole Christmas lunch each year and it’s always amazing.

Not really because for example if there's 5 chicken breast and he uses one for him. I will just make sure I use the othe 4 later for me and the other kids. Or with mince beef he will open that take what he thinks is an average portion and again I will use the rest for me and the kids.